So I’m really worried about talking to my psychiatrist and others about what my delusions were and what the voices were telling me to do.
I’m anxious that they will think I experienced the symptoms because it’s what I really wanted to do or hear.
Do you feel like your delusions or voices were trying to tell you something important, as in important to you, what you really want. Or are they random? Do your drs judge you, thinking they can see right through you if you tell them what’s been going on? I’m very anxious…
I’ve found over the years that doctors aren’t that worried about your positive symptoms so long as they don’t indicate a likelihood of violence, particularly involving them. They have heard and seen stuff that would blow your mind and probably makes what you think is a big deal seem pretty tame by comparison. Your doctor will be mainly interested you in freeing you from the influence of your voices. Complete honesty here is the fastest path to recovery. Just share everything, hide nothing, and follow the medical guidance you’re given.
Mostly, I was derailed by the delusions and hallucinations. They have made things harder for me, mostly. I felt like I was figuring things out, and they threw a bunch of rocks in my way, and tried to drive me to suicide.
Thank you for your replies everyone. Okay, so the consensus seems to be regardless of how I worry about appearing to the psychiatrist, I should explain what I experienced.
I have a very strong fear of negative judgement, but I dont think I can get around this problem, I have to go through it, hopefully with their support. Appointment in 3 hours, I’ll do my best.
I can’t really explain here, but I was following commands as part of it. I’ve worried for some time that it was something I might have imagined up because I wanted to live my life in a different way. But I wouldn’t have chosen what I ended up doing, given the choice.
I had a battle between two “sides” of voices in my head. One side was the “wichasa” ( Lakota word for ‘man’) and the other side was “heaven”. Heaven wanted for me to surrender myself into infinity, and die and go to heaven and be like a top angel in heaven. I was told that if I died now I would have like an authority position in heaven, but that if I waited to die later I would still get to go to heaven. The wichasa side would sexually harrass me and tell me that I could stay on earth, but that I might have to suffer more than previously but that I could stay on earth for my daughter like I’d been telling “heaven” I wanted. I was never able to verbally tell anyone what was going on in my head, and I wound up streaking outpatient psychiatry in an attempt to get myself checked in. No-one ever talked to me about what I was going thru and when I emerged a month later out of the hospital I still was trying to make sense of it all. Lots of magical experiences and feeling like I was going to levitate whilst practicing Yoga outside. Cheers.
I was also told that I was a female Christ and the Lioness of God who was perfect and would be ritually raped and sacrificed. I would deny that I was perfect enough to be the Lioness of God but the voices would reason against me. Later, in the hospital I was told that I had been possessed by two negative entities since I am so sensitive.