Oh I remeber u saying that I just wasnt sure if its fear for all motivation or just in some respects like with the food
I sleep like 4 hours a night thatās part of why so ticked I got woken up. I have ptsd and fear of abandonment issues etc so deep Iām afraid to go to sleep because I have night terrors. I literally scream and stuffā¦so I kinda tick him off cuz he constantly has to wake me up so usually I am so petrified and shaking I get up and do something to get my mind off of it. Lots of times I have to take a bath or shower cuz Iām covered in sweat
If u dont mind sharing about this, Why do u have abandonment issues? Did u say ur parents were alcoholic?
Yea I donāt look forward to sleeping so much either cos of dreams they are just such weird dreams I donāt like them.
Umm,thatās the past and has to die in a fire atmā¦Iām not in a place atm to discuss because unfortunately I never had a permanent home and was never wanted
sorry I thought I should have deleted that actually
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While deliberating on seeing my dad in hospital, I dreamt that he and my father in law were taking one of my kitchen knives skinning him alive while he was screaming in painā¦blood gushing everywhere, I was crying for them to stop and my dad told me you ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ungrateful bitch, youāre next and he grabbed me by my hair, threw me on my dogs carcass and cut off my ear and ate it while they both were laughingā¦that was the reason I didnāt visit him in hospital because he traumatized me so much that at 38, itās still with meā¦it gets goorier but after awhile my husband woke me up. Thatās why ignored peopleās posts to visit him. Donāt worry all my drs are fully aware
This sounds awful. Iām sorry you have to go through these kinds of dreams because of someone else
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such is life but my pain is too deep for meds and therapy to fixā¦
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So thatās part of why I make myself take care of me as best I can because nobody else will. And basically I have a very āconfusing ā marriage of him hot/coldā¦messes with my mind
Thatās not easy. At least u get the most satisfying results when you do something from scratch yourself as opposed to someone assisting doing something for you.
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It is so ā ā ā ā ā ā ā hard though, I will always have dogs
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Ya see the sick twisted think is my paranoia is partially my actual reality. I am not suffering from psychosis on current med dose unless too much stressā¦I have my main psychiatrists cell number if pushed to brink. But past die in a 
. Yet, have bad anxiety and a basketful of issues
Thatās enough on that. Iād rather think about when the sun is coming up
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Even with those dreams, you are excellent at moving on from this though.
Well Iāve honestly I have no idea how failed at suicide attempts so just take one day at a time
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Thatās because I have dogs that love me unconditionally. I even make their treats with doggie treat cuttersā¦theyāre my kidsā¦yes, I admit Iām delusional about that cuz I love them that much lol
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You must have friends too
Acquaintances yes. Canāt let anyone in
lol yesā¦thatās why I want a dog in the future too but I just donāt know if I can bear the responsibility
Like having them drinking so I donāt feel as if their cognitive enough to realize Iām not ok
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