I have had problems with food, ever since I was a child.
I used to starve myself all the time, and I would hide my food so I didn’t have to eat it. My mom would find my hidden food and I would get into trouble.
When I was a teenager I got into the bad habit of binge-eating and then over-exercising to compensate. Then I started purging after.
Now I’m doing a lot better. I have been trying to eat more, keep it healthy, and also not purge, but it’s difficult.
I also have a fear of poisons and toxins in food, and there are very few foods that I trust to eat.
Does anyone else have similar struggles? It would be nice to have some support in this area.
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I was anorexic for a brief time when I was 15, then that behavior quickly turned into bulimia. I was bulimic for seven years until I was 23 years old and started nursing school and my son was two years old. Then, I simply no longer had time for that behavior. So, I quit. To my great surprise, I didn’t gain any weight afterwards. So, that was a plus.
I still struggle to keep weight off many, many years later. I track my calories on a calorie tracking app and never drink my calories. I am successful at keeping my BMI within normal range at 22.3 But, it is an ongoing struggle as I am on three different AP’s and an antidepressant. I can relate to you in many ways @butterflybrains although I have no food paranoia.
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I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, and you have been able to quit bulimia. Was it really that easy to just quit?
I’m having such a difficult time with it, right now. Not like I have the time for it, either. It somehow just barges into my time, anyway.
I used to think my parents were poisoning me. I used to have to vomit after I ate because I thought there was poison in it. I don’t feel that way anymore though. Maybe the meds help.
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Which aps are you on which allow you to maintain such a healthy bmi? Geodon Abilify and Latuda?
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I have been poisoned intentionally, the culpret even apologized later.
I still joke that if someone wants to poison me,I’ll eat it rather than put up with this nonsense
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I starved myself for awhile and exercised extensively in high school because I hated my body so much and didn’t want anyone looking at me, but I have an obsession with food and the starving didn’t last long. When I was 19 I became Bulimic and still struggle with that. I didn’t do it while I was pregnant (22-23 years ago) and had years in a row of not doing it, but it’s always there. I have found that when I feel I didn’t speak up for myself or was disrespected in some way, the urge to binge and then purge is very strong. It’s not really about eating or weight at those times. I was also told that Bulimia is common in those who have been sexually abused, which I was…
For the past three years, I’ve been using food for comfort as there’s been a lot of stress (more than usual) in my life. I need to get a handle on that because I’ve gained a lot of weight.
When I realized that I had a two year old who needed close watching and I didn’t have the luxury of barricading myself alone in the bathroom anymore to purge, I told myself that I was going to quit, period. And that if I got as big as a house, then so be it! That didn’t happen. My weight remained within normal limits the whole time. I even lost weight. The bingeing stopped naturally once I began eating anything I wanted, as much as I wanted according to my natural hunger levels.
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I’m sorry you struggle with this. Do you think this might be the source of your recent health problems? It seems very likely to me.
My friend has struggled with bulemia and aneorexia for the past twelve years. She has been mostly in remission for three years now. What helped her was to diligently track her calories using myfitnesspal. She would enter in all of her exercise and food, and then she could make sure she was eating exactly enough calories to get to her target weight without starving herself. The app yells at you when you don’t eat enough calories, and it also cheers you on when you make healthy food choices. She is pretty addicted to myfitnesspal now, but it’s better than being addicted to throwing up and exercising obsessively.
I was bulimic for a long time, and a strict vegan as well.
I was throwing up blood and developed a stomach ulcer and sort of stopped naturally after that. The behaviour went on for many years before I stopped. Probably four or five years. I also used to exercise obsessively. I dropped down to 42kg and when I stopped being bulimic I got up to a healthy weight of 57kg. But since starting meds I’ve gained another 10kg and I’m really unhappy about it.
I can see the behaviour starting to trickle back in. I’m becoming stricter with what I eat and I’ve purged a couple of times in the past few weeks. I’m not exercising obsessively yet, but I might start again soon.
I’m with you in the struggle @butterflybrains (hugs)
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I’m sorry you went through this. I kind of know how you feel. I’m always afraid people have put animal products in my food to see if I notice the difference, as a joke. When people make me food I don’t trust it.
I also have to check my food thoroughly, before eating. I’m very particular with which foods I eat, because the government poison almost everything.
Wow, I can relate so much to this.
I know how you mean, using food for comfort. It can be challenging not to, when highly stressed.
I too have an incredible amount of stressors in my life these days. I know how hard it is.
Hope you’re doing ok.
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When ill I will think people are messing with my food, would only eat at random take outs I would pull into quickly before they could get to it, Other than that I diet a lot and try to stay skinny
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Honestly, I don’t think they are related. I was doing good for almost a year, not tracking calories, just eating healthy vegan meals and listening to my body.
I was tracking my nutrients, though, on cronometer.com. Every once in a while I would have an awful binge, and work it off the next day, but not purging. Then, these health issues started to make me lose my appetite, and I got back into fasting again, triggered by my blood test (which I still haven’t heard back about). Now I feel so awful if I get too full, and I have to purge. I am afraid to be too full, or have too high calories for the day (I too track with myfitnesspal), because then I will have to purge and I can’t control it.
I’m sorry to hear this.
I know how you feel, too. It’s really scary when you can feel the habits coming back, isn’t it? At the same time I almost feel relief from it? I don’t know…
It’s just so easy to fall back into old cycles, again.
I have been what they call an ‘exercise bulimic’ for most of my life, and so I have had mild damage from purging.
My sister was bulimic for many years, and she has had ulcers, tooth decay, and many other problems. I told myself I would never put my body through that, but I’m feeling like it was inevitable.
Thank you, I hope you’re doing ok. You can pm me, anytime. 
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Thanks @butterflybrains I get what you say about feeling relief from the old behaviours coming back. There’s something oddly comforting about it. It’s really bizarre.
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When I was a teen, good weight was just a number, not a matter of health. I used to take laxatives to make myself weigh less. That is definitely a mentally ill thing.
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Yes, comforting is the word for it. Almost like an old friend coming back into your life.
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when i go fishing i struggle to real in my catch. Hunting is a struggle too. Once I kill the animal there usually ISNT MUCH OF A STRUGGLE unless I overeat and then my fork gets heavy
im vegan. all i eat are vegan cookies. just kidding, i eat catfood basically.
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