By a “cutter” I mean someone who cuts him/her self.
I used to be a cutter. The approximately 15 x 1/2" scar on my left thigh is the worst one. I made that one because I wanted to do something interesting so the voices wouldn’t leave me, because I would be so lonely without them.
The scar on my other thigh is approximately 8 x 1/8", and I made that one when I very first started hearing voices, so that they would know I meant business about NOT wanting them around.
I’m not a cutter but I have attempted it when I was making a picture while dealing with a episode brought on by a power outage and a thunderstorm.
I needed red so I tried to cut my hand. I had planned on just dripping blood onto the paper and spreading it to create the red sky.
Nope @Crom, I was just looking at my scars last time I went to the bathroom and wondered “Hm, I wonder if it’s a Sz thing.” I guess I didn’t NEED to talk about how big my scars are but I was kind of bored.
I have a long history with ex-cutters but don’t cut. myself. Have been close a few times though and I must fit the profile as many of the physic-staff tend to bring up the topic abit. These days though a big fan of The Butterfly Project. Cosmic surgery can help with some of the larger scars. But I seem to stop noticing the scars on people I’ve known for awhile. Not really a avoidance thing more a love conquers all thing.
I’ve been a cutter for 25 years. I also interfere with the healing of wounds. I’m “lucky” that I don’t cut deep (I go for volume instead) and most of my cuts are in places easily covered, so my scars are largely reminders for me rather than others. But I find that I visit my scars often in times of high stress. I started cutting as a teenager because I felt both that it gave me one thing I had complete control over and because of the endorphin release that came with the pain.
I was diagnosed as Bipolar when I was in college. When I was manic it was a control thing and the rush from doing something daring. When I was depressed it was to feel something hoping that the pain would bring me back to life. 3 years ago I started hallucinating, and now I have constant auditory hallucinations and super frequent visual and tactile hallucinations and my diagnosis has changed to schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. Now I largely cut because the voices tell me to when I need to. Most of the time I can resist them, but when it gets too hard I get in trouble. My cutting is generally a sign that I am spiraling out of control and much of the time I end up hospitalized with shots of Thorazine and haldol.
I am a cutter. I cut when I am under extreme stress and have lost control. It has been eight months since the last time I cut myself. My cutting is localizing to my stomach area.
Wasn’t sure where this topic was going so I didn’t post to much on The Butterfly project . Pretty much works on 7 Rules
The Rules are:
When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.
Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.
If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.
If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.
Cutting is always on my mind… Om hari Om… difficult battle, always. Got scars, wore a vest today that showed the scars. Got asked about them shortly after. Can’t hide the two scars on my face. Faint, but there.
I used to be a cutter. I don’t know how long it’s been, but it feels like years since I’ve done it. I am so ashamed of my scars. I finally just got sick of it. I started when I was 13 by accident. I scratched my wrist on my computer desk and it felt good. It numbed the emotional pain I felt. When scratching wasn’t enough I progressed to cutting. It “fed” the pain I was in and I enjoyed taking care of it. Years later a therapist told me that was my way of taking care of myself. With this recent turmoil I’ve been going through, I desperately wanted to cut, but I didn’t. When I was in the hospital I did slam my head into the bathroom floor ten times. The demon was telling me to slit my wrists, aliens were stealing and replacing my thoughts, and I was on Lounge. I couldn’t go anywhere other than the Lounge and it didn’t matter that being around people was making me worse, because they figured they could just feed me more pills to calm me down. I was overwhelmed, so I broke. I guess that starts the counter again for how long it’s been. I’ve been using Mederma PM on my scars and have noticed a difference. That’s part of the reason I haven’t cut recently. That stuff isn’t cheap. Plus my mom and Jason would be disappointed. Cutting was my way of screaming. Since having my new car, I blast my music and sing at the top of my lungs, so I have a new way of actually screaming. It’s quite therapeutic actually. @Dreamscape Thank you for sharing that! I’m going to try that the next time I want to cut. I’ve heard of using red food dye and red markers but I like the idea of making a butterfly and naming it. When I first tried the food dye it made me pink. My therapist said I don’t care if your whole arms are pink keep doing it. I wanted the real thing at the time. I’ve matured a lot since then so I think it would work.
I cut once when I was 14 and still have a small scar from where I went at my left arm with a pair of scissors…didn’t require medical attention or anything but still. I also burned my then girlfriends initials into my arm with a hot needle. That has faded with time but I can still make it out, you just have to look really closely to see it.
