I’m tired of living this life. Always fearing others (mostly my mom) and living in constant ruminations and trauma. I’m tired of living in constant guilt and shame of burdening my family and I hate feeling like I am the culprit of all problems in my family. I’m tired of feeling like a burden all the time. I hate being disabled sometimes and I hate myself. I wish I can make other people happy but I always make my family miserable. I want my family to be happy but they do so much for me. I just want to stop this and let them move on.
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I relate!
Can you afford to move out? Do you get any money from the government?
We both need a change of scenery(At least thats me).
Do you exercise? Can you take walks? It’s two pronged advice since it gets you away from your living quarters, and since it sounds like you’re loved, they will smile on you upon return. It’d take some pressure away…
Do you do your own laundry?
I struggle with it but if I want to feel relaxed in my home I’ll do it, as a good faith gesture… and get smiled upon; take pressure off.
A lot of this is me, projecting.
But 'llI double down when I say it sounds like a change of scenery will help. Can your family afford a getaway? If things are hard right now, you can try to be creative with it.
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My mom is scared of me moving out and I can’t afford to move out right now. Also, I am disabled and I need care.
I can’t take walks because I’m disabled.
My mom has specifically said that disabled women are vulnerable to stalking and break ins so me living alone could be incredibly dangerous. But I was thinking maybe I can find an apartment near her house. She said she’s never letting me move out unless my disability is cured.
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I don’t feel n like a burden to my family because I recieve almost no help from the authorities and I live independently. I go to the grocery every week and buy goods for mother who is disabled as well. I just want to give you hope. When I was younger the doctor told me that I would never be able to live independently and should be intuitionized for ever.
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You have a serious disease. Don’t be so hard on your self. Give yourself credit and your family must love you. They do a lot for you outta love. I used to feel I was a burden on my mum. Things get better staying positive.
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You are here for a reason.
I brush my teeth, and after I brush my teeth, there is toothpaste in the sink. So I wash that down.
I feel the same at times in regards to family. but you are as above, here for a reason. you matter and there’s a purpose you have to search for is what i tell myself.
Hey, I never called myself a burden but I’m sure my family was upset and distressed about my situation the first 2 1/2 years of my psychosis right after I got diagnosed. I’m sure they didn’t want a 21 year old son who couldn’t take care of himself and needed to be in a group home and then the hospital for 8 months. They worried about me constantly at first.
I didn’t start to get my sh*t together until I was 23 years old. Then I got a job and soon a car but I still couldn’t live totally independently; that didn’t come until later when I was 34. But they stuck by me through thick and thin because that’s what families do. Everybody pulls for each other and when a member runs into problems they do what they can. And that’s what they did.
And then after years of hard times I started being able to give back for all the times they visited me in the hospital and all the times they included me in their activities and paid my way when I didn’t have any money. I started doing yard work for my entire family, I drove them to the airport when they all went on vacation and then picked them up when they got back. I house sat for them while they were gone and walked their dogs and watered their plants.
Then I was well enough to travel and do fun things with them and have my own friends. I got a car and went to school. Now unfortunately, both my parents died and my sister moved to Mexico. But I’m pretty independent and have been for the last 7 years. I work and take care of myself and I still see my other sister and I can call her when situations arise. She doesn’t have to worry about me or help me. They did that for years until I got responsible and stopped fooling around and got serious about my life.
I’ve actually helped them too over the years and when my sister was sick from COVID or depressed about her cat dying I called up and said I’ll do anything she needs me to do to make it easier on her like run her errands or bring groceries to her. But all this took years of struggling to get where I am today. I didn’t get well overnight and now I am struggling again but it’s manageable. They were there for me when I needed them and I’m sure they weren’t always happy with me but I couldn’t have done what I’ve done without them.
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Hey y’all I’m really tired and I’ve got school in couple hours, so I’ll respond to your responses later. 
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