I can’t remember ever not feeling like I was on the outside looking in. I never understood what my peers were talking about and when the demons became a part of my every day, I had to balance trying to look halfway normal for school, and then work, and life in general, and trying to stay alive when I was alone. Because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and only knew that other people cared/talked about things I couldn’t relate to, it occurred to me that I’m not human. It made sense. I thought that I must be an angel trapped in this awkward human body. I have never thought of myself as good, so it’s not about any goodness. Anyway, I recognize now that this is delusional, but I confess that I still wonder sometimes. Does anyone else struggle with feeling non-human?
Absolutely. I’m still struggling with my believing I’m god delusion…
I used to see demons too, meds took care of that, good ridance!
But you’re definitely not alone in this.
You’re human. It’s the people who make you feel like you are not human who are not human.
dark sith bows to his new ’ master '…Minnii the magnificent 
" what is your bidding my master "… 
take care 
I’m technically a cyborg (pacemaker). Thinking of getting a Cyberdine Systems tat just to make it official.
Pixel.
I’m asking the same thing right now…or rather…am I the last human on the face of the earth right now?
I’ve had day dreams…possibly always…of being the last person on earth but I always assumed I’d be here alone.
That would be better.
But they are all human and seem to understand eachother. They belong here and seem to want and even like being here, and I don’t. I’m not trying to be difficult and I appreciate your compassion. Thank you. I just feel such a level of alienation and discomfort that I’ve felt compelled to find an answer, and being a different creation actually felt/feels more comfortable. Maybe that’s a copout because I can’t manage to be an optimum human…I don’t know. I’ve believed that for so long and didn’t consider that it isn’t true until CBT. I’m trying to embrace my humanity…
I guess I assume everyone else is human. And I know I’m not better than anyone. I think it’s like if a zoo put one animal in with a group of other animals. That one animal may look similar and even blend in ok, but that animal knows it doesn’t beling and has no companion. I have a husband who tries really hard to be a good companion, and I lve him, but he’s a human too and simply has no reference for my ecoeriences and way of thinking. Wo srry, @mussel, I didn’t mean to ramble. I think we’re both searching for understanding/commonality?
It’s too bad @minnii and @darksith are barely online at the same time. They would make for some good conversations. Maybe when @darksith moves back to Europe, you guys will come on at similar times.
Or maybe you do already and I’m mistaken.
I shall name you a jedi, don’t test me. You’re too good for a sith lol
Not being a person is one of my main unusual beliefs (From early “mild schizophrenia” diagnosis, I now have dd diagnosis from PTSD along with depression that veers into psychosis +).
Since it feels real to me and I operate with it, well, you are lucky that your brain landed on “angel.”
I still can’t figure out what bonds many together in the “people” category. I know not being a person is a delusion, but I feel it often and for a long time believed it. Clearly, we are not alone in this feeling that becomes a thought.
What helps: being with friends (I have a couple and see them sometimes) and doing as many human activities as I can. Social withdrawal has not helped. When I am under stress, everyplace seems like somewhere I do not belong and every person instantly recognizes my non-human quality, which is one of the reasons I am exiled.
I’m glad you brought this up because I must have been slipping for the past few days or so. I had started to try to figure out whether any of the people I know also “are not a person.” So, thank you. Good catch for me.
I was raised Catholic. When the voices began, they were demons, and I called for God’s angels to help me I immersed myself, not in the Catholic church, but in fundimental/evengelical Christianity for many many formitable years. My experiences, which I now begrudgingly admit are sz, are so intertwined in who I am today. To be an angel, not a human, gives me strength and solice. I have such a hard time admitting, but it is a coping mechanism, and I remind myself when I can.
My god delusion gave me solace too, but I live better without the problems of seeing demons and hearing every prayer in the world. I’m sorry if I sound harsh, not intended to. But meds are not evil, they help us live with our true nature, that is exactly the thing delusions keep us away from
@Minnii, you don’t sound harsh, and I’m learning the lesson of how important meds are. I don’t know my true nature seperate from my “delusions”. I was 12-13 when the halkucinations began and I never once considered they weren’t real, until recently, which is extremely difficult for me. I’m 48 now and my identity is everything I’ve always thought and experienced. I have no other existence to aspire to, except, through CBT to stop the self destruction and suicidal ideology.
But you realize they are delusions? It’s hard to give them up, they make such sense and fit so well with all the rest of our observations about reality. The hard truth is that we really don’t know anything, even science has its flaws and we can’t believe in everything we read, see or think. This illness plays tricks on us, and the most important lesson is to learn how to rise above those tricks.
About identity, there’s a lot that makes up our identities and for me for example, I don’t have roots anywhere, I was born in china, never really belong there because I’m portuguese, came to portugal but don’t really belong here because I was born in a different culture… That alone fuels my god delusion, it was the only time I felt I really belonged. But that feeling is also a lie.
CBT can help heaps, congratulations on taking that step towards recovery.
I don’t belong in any culture…I’m Latvian Russian polish Italian Irish Scottish … I never felt I belonged… Minnii you are unique 
but that doesn’t make you God! Unless you argue that we’re ALL god. You are special cuz we’re all special but not special in any religious way. Prophets and stuff was ancient way of teaching the world…we’ve moved past that as a culture and no reason to believe that. How would you ever be appointed as God? You got a great thing going with Chinese medicine…focus on that. Let go of the God belief cuz I don’t think it’s helpful and probably confusing.
I hope I’m helping not hurting 
You’re absolutely right. You’re helping 
It’s probably easier for me to believe I’m god than to have to deal with my shortcomings as human. But I don’t feel the need to believe it anymore, I feel that it’s easier now to get in touch with my humanity than anything else. It’s been a great help for me this forum, everyday I find a new coping mechanism, it’s just hard to let go because my mind made it have so much sense. But it doesn’t make sense. It’s a freakin cognitive dissonance right now, but it will get better.
Yeah you’re a smart girl…I should’ve figured it would be helpful. When I was so deep in my Jesus delusion it just made me angry when people told me I wasn’t Jesus so that’s why i wasn’t sure. But you seem not delusional in most your posts I think the belief is just hard to give up like you said. But it’ll get better.
I don’t really believe it anymore, just a small part of me enjoyed the story line you know? I had some freakin fanstastic moments hallucinating and dreaming. It wasn’t that long ago though, four months ago I still believed it to be true, all of it, so I made some real progress.