This morning, my friend picked me up to go to his place and help him with some stuff. I brought a bag with me that I had things in I need for tomorrow.
I casually mentioned I want my computer back, and offered him he could have it until next month, and then get my laptop so he’d still be able to play some games.
He immediately got upset and told me to take the computer with me and leave.
So I did, but we’d agreed to meet later to go to a handball game later. He’d told me he needed to do some things, so I should wait by the bus stop, and he’d call me when he’d be home. He figured it would be around 6pm.
I waited until 7pm, I tried calling and texting but got no response. I saw him driving past me in his car, so I hopped on a bus and sent him a text basically saying I was upset he hadn’t even responded, asking him if he’d think it was ok if the shoe was on the other foot, and if he’d bring my bag, which I left in his car, tomorrow.
(or if I could come by later and pick it up)
He responded saying “Drop the attitude. I’m not home tomorrow. Your problem!”
So I thought about it, and responded “How about you start treating me with the same respect you want to be treated with. Or at least try to see things from my point of view.”
And then he just replied “You did not just say that! That’s it!”
And now we’re not talking. I know he thinks I was rude, but I don’t feel like I was in the wrong.
Usually when we quabble, I immediately feel like I’ve done something wrong. But this time I feel I did nothing wrong.
I even apologised for taking the computer the way I did!
I know what you guys are gonna say. “Toxic friend, dump him” but that’s not how things work. I can’t just cut people out of my life every time they wrong me. If I did, I’d have no friends left.
I’m sorry for this rant. I just needed to vent.
I’d love to hear, from an honest perspective, if I was rude.
It was not rude. Not at all. He’s mad because he had a free computer and he can’t have it anymore. The laptop probably isn’t as good for gaming. But you didn’t even owe him the computer or the laptop. He really is toxic. It’s up to you how to handle it but don’t let him use you or mistreat you. You are worthy of kindness, understanding, and real friendship
I don’t think you were rude at all. I think he total overreacted to the situation and probably owes you an apology. I hope you two are able to settle your differences and be friends again.
Every time I hear about this “friend” I just want to smack him across the face. There’s something wrong with him and he’s always taking it out on you. You deserve better.
Yes, that’s the one.
That’s another thing, he told me since I’ve been nice about letting him lend the computer, he’s been nice about paying my half of a shared monthly expense we have. But now that he can’t have the computer, I have to start paying, and that’s a lot of money.
I did not know that was the deal.
You were not rude and sometimes we have to tell friends things they might not want to hear. You have to also teach people to respect you, or they never will
I’m not saying dump him, but definitely try to widen your social circle. Try to find a better friend than him. Around here we have something called Meetup where you pick the activities you’re interested in and then it finds social groups in your area based on those interests. Maybe your area has something similar?
He just messaged me to come get my things while he’s at work tomorrow, and that he doesn’t want to reconcile since I apparently don’t feel like he respects me.
That’s not fair.
I told him I had been frustrated, and that we both say things we regret later when we’re frustrated. I also wrote that it doesn’t mean I don’t want him in my life, and that he’s important to me.
If he responds negatively, I’ll just reply “Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind.” and leave it at that.
I hate this. I hate having bad blood between us. I hate when he’s mad at me. I wish he would stop overreacting to things.
argh
He’s demanding an apology. His demand is that I re-read the first message I sent him, and apologize sentence for sentence.
I don’t think that’s fair, but I don’t want to antagonise him.
Thanks.
I messaged him that I do admit I might have come off a bit bitchy.
He asked me to give him a reason why we should have any contact at all.
I can’t find anything that will satisfy him, but I told him we have our ups and downs and sometimes piss each other oss, but we always manage to talk it out and forgive each other. I also told him he’s important to me and I hope and believe I’m important to him too.