I have been suffering from schizophrenia for the past three years and it has been a terrible experience. These voices have abused me, harassed me, threatened me and I felt it was some kind of brain-washing as the words I heard were same as I heard from my neighbours or the words related with what I have heard in a way of threatenihng me n telling me that we are behind it. It has not only affected my life, but also my loved ones as I kept sharing my feelings with them and due to the conditioning, insecurities and fears I felt my behaviour was under control and has shaped lives of others as well as created psychological problems in others. I also feel angry on my neighboursfor abusing me and harassing me. I feel angry on my spiritual Guru as I used to hear his voices as well and I feel angry on doctors for not being understanding and supportive. Where a patient can go in critical condition if no one understands. Sometimes I feel so angry on God, but then at the same time so controlled due to condition as if am unworthy of his love. Currently I feel that my neighbours along with the spiritual guru has conspired against me and my loved ones and I feel like cursing them and feel lonely, illusioned, depressed, lack interest in life, guilty, like a puppet, sick, insane, insecured, needy for security, needy for right words and care as well. I have tried almost everything in these years, but didn’t get any solution and the threatening and damaging words of my neighbours have made me wonder about humanity and I am uestioning my existence as well. Sometimes I can’t even hear what people say. I have so many fears in my mind for my loved ones and need them also at the same time. If I tell them what I am feeling and experiencing then also it will hurt them and if I don’t then also as it has become important to share to prevent future damage??? or may be am just a puppet who is beinjg used to damage my loved ones. Sometimes I felt as if it was some mistake did by me that am suffering and I asked for forgiveness of God as well as people whom I have hurt or harmed intentionally or unintentionally, but ultimately it is nothing but some nasty demons after me n my siblings. I am also feeling triggers as well as in control of some dark forces wherein I feel there is no point living as life is over as they have snatched away my everything and ifg I live I will do nothing, but be a damaging force for people I love n those who matter to me. I don’t know what to do now? Threats, unhappiness, insecurities, fears, blames, lack of interest in life, demotivation, guilts, panic, sadness, anxiety, shocks, disbeliefs, damages, entanglements, struggle, hopelessness all have made me feel that life is not worth living. Why God has not forgiven me for my mistakes??? Why I have not got the solution in three years? Why so much of control? Why me? Why cycles? Why suffering? Why attacks? Why demons after me who provoked me n used me against me n my siblings, who kept damaging me and have eaten me. Who have sucked my blood and the peace of my soul. I have no love for society and am unable to see the condition of my brother. I am feeling like a lost soul in a desert. I am feeling lifeless. I don’t want to struggle anymore. What is the point living in a cruel world where people are insensitive, cruel, demonic? Where people are sadist, cheap, inhuman. Where people are hypocrite, selfish and play politics to ruin someone. Where people are robots in the hands of some powerful n cray people. Where there is no menaing of life. Where there is identity crisis as well as patterns. Where there is suffering despite doing good. Where there is a uestion about theory of KARMA? Where life is not worth living? Where people politicise to give a slow death to others. Where people use others for their pleasure. Where there is no humanity. Where there is only satisfaction of Ego and pride. Where there are only shocks, disbeliefs, inhumanity, cruelty, triggers and chains due to the words of people. Where there is no point living lifelessly. I hate people. I hate this life wherein there is nothing as voices have snatched away my mind, my peace, my relations, my sanity. Bye to this world???/
Taking yourself to the emergency room of the nearest hospital is your best bet. If you feel you can’t communicate to them just print out what you posted here and give that to them. The hospital ER is open 24hrs a day. Counselling phone lines are also open 24hrs a day and are cheap http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
@ananyanarula123, please do not lose hope. You need help and please get some help. Dreamscape has given you some good suggestions and link for the prevention from your suicidal thoughts, please consider it seriously.
Don’t lose hope, you’ll be al-right.
You’ve put your thoughts and feelings very well in your post and it made me feel that you are an educated person. Please don’t make any harm to yourself. If you want to curse your voices, do it. If you want to write more about the incidents you have been going through, go for it. Anything that you’d consider helpful for you but just don’t make any harm to yourself and anyone else.
Think of your parents, siblings and your friends, they love you. Please don’t think you are creating problems for them. I am sure they wouldn’t have thought of this. If you feel like sharing what you are going through with your parents or siblings, do it without any hesitation. That is the only way through which they can provide you any support.
I request you please talk to the appropriate help line in your area for getting help on the suicidal thoughts. There must be such a help line. In Australia it’s lifeline (131114) 24 hours help life.
If you’re reading this, there is at least a small part in you that doesn’t want to die. Listen to it, and please read on.
Suicide is final – once it’s done, there’s no changing your mind. Since you have even the slightest of doubts, you owe it to yourself to stay alive.
You can always kill yourself later, why not wait? Even if you wait just one day, you may find a reason not to kill yourself in the meantime.
If you’re feeling suicidal, you’re probably in more pain than you know how to handle. There are ways to reduce the pain, and ways to learn to deal with pain. You can learn both - either way things will get better.
Just because you’re feeling suicidal doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling.
Consider this – if you’re trying to escape from the pain you are in and seek relief, suicide is not the answer. You cannot feel relief, or anything else for that matter, if you are dead. You must stay alive in order to feel the relief you seek.
Often when feeling suicidal you feel alone. You are not alone – you found us didn’t you? Turn to your family or friends or a priest or a rabbi – anyone that will listen. If you don’t know whom to turn to try the phone lines the link again is http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
By terminating your life right now, you terminate your future. Consider this – we create our own future. You have the power to create whatever future you wish for yourself. But you need to be alive in order to have that future.
If you’re sensitive enough to be in so much pain that you no longer want to live, you’re probably sensitive enough to care about, and want to help others. Maybe you don’t feel like helping anyone else right now, but why not help yourself? And perhaps by not killing yourself and overcoming your difficulties you can later help someone else who is in a similar situation.
Finally, don’t do it because I’m personally asking you not to. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through, things can get better – I know because I’ve been there. Maybe I haven’t experienced exactly what you have, but not only have I thought of suicide, I tried it – thankfully I was unsuccessful and I can speak from personal experience when I tell you things can get better.
A lot of pain left from the act. It will affect all who you’ve contacted even this post has affected some of us. 15 feb 2011 a friend took her own life and I’m still struggling with it. Please there are people that care about you and I’m SZ myself I know how hard that is to believe somedays. Meds and therapy helped me a great deal with my illness but it’s taken time. Hang in there it does get better.
If you are reading this:-
PLEASE DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE.
YOU ARE A GEM TO THE WORLD…UNDERSTAND IT. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON !!
Don’t lose hope you can do it,make schizophrenia only 1 part of you,and let other important stuff pioritise your life,like friends and work,don’t resort to suicide,it’s a loser way
don’t do it.
take care
every one above has given you such good advice…you are not alone and there is help out there…make the effort to reach out and get it…(((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))
Hi, Has been awhile since you posted. So I just wanted to check up on you. Hope you are feeling a lot better
now. Please do respond as soon as you can.
I wish the starter of this topic is safe and sound.
To all others, I would like to say please don’t be sad and worried. I am sure the person would have found help at the right time. There are many chances that the person just didn’t want to return to its topic or look back on what he had posted. Like all others I would also be glad to hear back from him but if he/she doesn’t, just wish a good luck for rest of his/her life.
@Dreamscape: Your help was great and I personally thank you for such a tremendous effort. Your words were full of compassion, help, hope and care. You did what a good human should have done in such a time.
@saurav, @Mobc1990 , @SnowyOwl1 , @darksith , @bubbles : Thanks a lot for providing support. I am really glad to know that spirit of good humans never dies no matter how much tough time they have. I realised that they would come forward to help you in every possible way without worrying how painful it can be for them.