i’m so frustrated of late. i take all these medications daily and get shot in the arse every other week and go to therapy twice a week, minimum and why, why, WHY?? it’s like i’m doing all of this crap to treat symptoms, at least half of which i don’t even believe that i’ve ever had in a technical sense and it’s just offensive to be told i’m delusional or lack insight and this whole thing is just a means of discrediting me anyway. and whatever “symptoms” i do have i totally have under control and i’m just disgusted with this lack of faith in my ability to control my own mind and how hypocritical it is that others expect me to trust them when they have no trust in me.
how can people expect me to have faith in them and their medical model and so forth when there’s shockingly little faith extended to me? i mean, come on! how do they get to have this double standard and i’m labeled the clinically disturbed one? how is consensus reality so lopsided that i’m labeled for being suspicious but their suspicions of me is totally “reasonable”? what a farce.
i’m just tired of doing all of this crap when there is NO POINT. unless it’s agreed that i can’t be trusted and my judgment is impaired. but then, on what ■■■■■■■ grounds am i legitimately to be expected to trust others and their judgment? it makes no sense. it’s just a matter of which side of the label you’re on and i should’ve pointed fingers first or something because if the fingers are pointed AT you first then your word isn’t for shite anymore.