My wife is a chronic alcoholic and her drinking is getting worse. I just bought her the nicest house I could afford and she hates it. It made things worse. She doesn’t want to live near family so they can’t see how much she drinks. But I bought us a house near all of our family and she refused to come look at it before I bought it. I could buy her a house in Beverly Hills and she would still bitch.
Last night she was beating the sliding glass door with a fire place tool and I will admit I lost my cool.
Everybody wants me to go to the coroner and get her in treatment again but they will only hold her for 72 hours. Then she is going to be really pissed at me and her family won’t take her in. She would come back here.
Her solution is me go back to the hospital and continue to pay her bills but I am not psychotic right now.
The animals really stress her out and I had them kennelef while we moved and she didn’t want me to pick them up but I had to. That was costing me $100 a day.
She went to treatment once because she nearly drank herself to death but she isn’t dying right now. Just really sloppy.
Recovery is difficult unless the person is willing. Try to convince her that she needs to see a specialist in addiction medicine who can offer treatment for her alcoholism. She may not take this well so be prepared and try to be understanding as this is a real disorder that may have a disastrous outcome if uncontrolled.
You can not in anyway control her or her drinking. There is an incredible program for you known as Al-Anon. Working on yourself will help you get clarity on whether you need to leave or stay. But, for now, your own self survival is what we need to help you with.
You may have to figure out how much more you can tolerate of her behaviour. If she is not willing to seek help, then you may need to set some consequences for her continued actions.
Alcoholics will drink if the sun comes up, until they admit that they just cannot not drink, everything is a reason to continue. Harsh but true for severe problem drinkers. Talk to a professional or counselor, try Al-Anon.
If she’s unwilling to quit, there isn’t much you can do.
This made me think of my dad a lot because I was dealing with his sloppiness a lot when living with him and my brother. Some days it was “can barely stand” drunk by noon. Some days he held off and then drank literally all day. The longest sobriety he’s made it through is basically 4 days and started drinking again because he couldn’t deal with the VERY MILD auditory hallucinations from his withdrawals (I bitterly laughed internally when he told me he was dealing with that).
There is no convincing him he has a problem. Telling him to stop or taking it away just pisses him off more. Losing his house and truck and license and second wife weren’t enough to even get him close to quitting. All because he’s unwilling to even admit he has a problem.
More support stuff, in case you want to skip my personal experiences
My thoughts are with you. The struggle of dealing with an alcoholic is not an easy one, especially if you consider them family. I hope she can see the error in her ways somehow. Even forcing detox may not work. She has to see it’s destroying her life to some degree and CARE that it is before anything will work. Addiction is a bitch and alcohol is among the ugliest of the addictions because of its legality.
Holy crap! Oh man, I had no idea. That’s just terrible. You are so strong to be going through this. I’m glad you’re reaching out. I agree with @InnerCircle get in touch with Al-Anon in your area for much needed support.
Thanks. I went to Al anon the last time she was in Rehab and I was psychotic. I was delusional and convinced people were acting in there and working for the government against me and I stopped going. It wasn’t a good experience but I did learn that her drinking wasn’t my fault. I used to blame myself. Everybody said I was her enabler.
I would suggest for you to read the AA basic text, also known as the “Big Book”. Reading this book may help you understand her better, alcoholism better and recovery. The book has a wealth of information about alcoholism and is a very easy read. It might give you some insights into what you can do to help both her and yourself.
I hate to say this but if she doesn’t get help or if you don’t get help she is going to drag you down with her. Al-Anon is a good step and they will basically say something like I just wrote. An alcoholic can be threatened with losing their family, losing their freedom or their job, or their health etc. and that won’t stop their drinking; they will not stop drinking until they want to themselves.
I’m sorry, man. I know things have been rough for you for a while. She really doesn’t treat you right at all. It’s good you’re closer to family now. If you do end up making some tough decisions, you’ll have support near you.
Me and my father in law talked to my wife about putting herself in rehab and she won’t do it. She has always been a big beer drinker but now she is drinking vodka and tequila with it. Plus taking Xanax and Ambien and smoking weed.
After we left my father in law’s my wife said if I try to call the coroner and get her put on a 72 hour hold for being a danger to herself that when she gets out she says she is going to say that I got psychotic and beat her and try to get me locked up in the VA inpatient hospital for at least a month and that’s assuming I don’t get arrested. She says she is going to give herself a black eye and bruises.
I hate hospitals. Never been to jail probably would like that a lot less. Managed to stay hospital free for several years now. I told her I am stable on meds and that wouldn’t work. She said she would hide my meds but that wouldn’t work. I have been on meds for so long now that I basically have my own pharmacy and she doesn’t know where I keep it.
So I am still thinking about it. She kicked her alcoholic friend out of the house two days ago and by not having a drinking buddy she is a little better but not by much.
I have a sister who is mentally competent with no known mi, she is a very heavy drinker she refuses to get help, she recently quit her job to be a full time drinker… While she was working during lunch she would sit in her car & get drunk off vodka. How she didn’t get fired I’ll never know, she got pulled over once on a road trip to her/my brothers house & cop opened her trunk to find hundreds of empty vodka bottles several fell out onto the roadway. She wasn’t driving at the time so he let them go. she is almost 49yo with no end to her drinking in sight, it is really scary.
Is there anything you can do for her save the coroner by bringing back some memories of why you married her in the first place…you know a favorite restaurant or nature setting or something you both did together.
I suggest this cuz you might be able to think back to a time before her drinking intensified and perhaps discover the reason behind her behavior.
I grew up in an alcoholic home so I cannot add what’s been said on this thread but I don’t remember if you said how she supports her drinking and weed habit but if it’s you then you are enabling.