I need some advice

My FIL died last week. His wife has started drinking again about the last year, after twenty years of being sober. My focus is making sure my husbands okay. I don’t want to be around her. Or my children. I don’t think I can help her. Am I right? We live two hours away. Mil has family up there close to her. The burden is falling on my brother in law. What do I do? She is being very hostile to all of us.

It seems with family the burden seems to fall more on some people than others. It causes friction in my family .

Bottom line is if you don’t live as close as other people then naturally this will happen

Alcohol is a ■■■■■. I can’t stand what it does to people. She will need to help herself in a healthier way if she is ever going to be in a position for other people to be able to have influence over her situation

I am sorry you’re going through this. If you can be there for your husband that’s still helping - even indirectly


You can’t save everyone but you can look after you and yours.

Sounds a horrible situation but I think pulling back from it is the right thing to do. If they refuse to listen it’s just going to end badly but that is the hard thing. If they won’t listen to you if you approach them then I think pulling back from it is wise policy.

Sorry you have to deal with it. Everyone deserves some help but I learned years ago that some addicts will never be well and your just wasting time. It’s sad as hell. I tend to think everyone is a decent person but I’ve been bitten before.


Well as a recovering addict and former die-hard meeting-going member of AA, CA and NA, I can sympathize with her.

But yeah, you can’t let her drag you down or cause problems in your family. If you want to make a gesture of support to her, maybe mail her some AA literature. I don’t know how appropriate it would be in your specific situation with her but you might want to try. You never know what’s going to make a person help themselves but I got clean on a fluke many years ago. One phone call triggered a series of events that ultimately resulted in me getting clean and sober many years ago. If I wouldn’t have seen a commercial on TV talking about recovery and called the number they gave and went to my first meeting I may have stayed out using for many more years than I did.
So maybe just reading some helpful information about alcoholism and AA may motivate her to try and help herself.

Maybe even suggest going to a meeting to her. You just might hit her at the right time when she is receptive to getting help and she might get herself to a meeting. She will find friendly people there, lots of support and a room of people who can empathize and want nothing from her except to help her.

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She won’t admit to us that she is drinking again. She has told the others not us. So we are not allowed to talk about it with anyone. She thinks we don’t know.

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