I’m tired of this constant cycle of sadness. Happiness. And then sadness again.
I’m only a teenager and I want to end my life.
Suicidal thoughts coming back again.
I don’t want to take my meds.
I want to overdose again.
I want to be normal again
I hate this.
I hate my life.
No. Only the evil within it.
Those who have hurt me, put me down, dragged me around.
It never ends.
I don’t take care of myself.
I drink.
I take too much caffeine
I don’t eat properly
I don’t drink water
I don’t take my meds
I don’t get 8 hours of sleep
I overload myself
But I can’t do it.
And I won’t do it.
I love depression too much to leave it
It’s everything I’ve ever known.
I rather be down forever than ever get my hopes up again only to come crashing down.
I miss my life.
Before meds.
Before depression.
Before schizoaffective.
Now I’m stuck and I can’t get back up.
I’m afraid to be hospitalized.
I’ve never been kept before.
I’ll lose everything if I do.
I’m afraid of what others will think of me.
I have divorced parents
I have struggled with anorexia
I have a disabled grandma
I have a brother who bullies me
Best friends who have betrayed me
And a boy who has used me
But yet, I still put on my happy mask because that’s what I do best.
Who am I kidding?
I’m not happy.
I’m suicidal.
Gosh, I wish I was normal.