Schizophrenia.com

Im not supposed to be happy

One day ill be given the chance to die and spray my brains on my shower curtains and im going to take it. Im not supposed to be happy. I shouldve died in my car crash. Why the ■■■■ am i here? Seriously im so tired of this ■■■■. Im a pathetic worthless sack of garbage. And i just want to drink

Calm down. Talk to your psychiatrist about your suicidal ideation , they might put you on different meds.

There’s a possibility that you might be an alcoholic. That’s OK, so am I. I’ve been in AA since 2003, but had a drink about 2 years ago, so it’s only 2 years sober for me now.

Right now I’d be equally worried about both, as you said booze increases your suicidal ideation.

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I am so ■■■■■■■ tired of god damned meds. Im so ■■■■■■■ tired of the voices. Just constant “kill yourself u know u want to”. Non eof these meds do ■■■■ for me. Its just a constant “ur a ■■■■■■■ loser go ■■■■ yourself”. ■■■■ this bull ■■■■

What would killing yourself really accomplish? We assume there is a heaven or hell or nirvana or nothing… But we really can’t know for sure. It’s possible that with death the voices will still follow you… It could just be nothing but them… No distractions like there are here… No other people… Just you and the voices and all the terrible things they say…
As long as you’re still alive you can change that, you can change yourself if you want or your life and there is always hope that one day things will be better… Wouldn’t that be a better option than cementing yourself in the state where these voices are constantly telling you “you’re a loser”?

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I can identify with wanting to drink. It’s been 109 days since I’ve drank. I’m getting older, and those hangovers hurt worse now. Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you feel good for a while, but the next day you feel really down. I wish there was some easy way for you to get better. Just remember, it doesn’t always have to be like this.