I’m in the hospital to get on clozaril. And this on call pdoc apparently thinks I don’t have schizophrenia. The nurse said his words were “because he’s so smart and level headed”. So he thinks I went through extreme abuse, which sure, my childhood was ■■■■■■ up. But it wasn’t that bad, I don’t even give it a second thought.
First of all, I’ve had 2 pdoc tell me I’m schizophrenic. I even spent the first 6 months of my diagnosis actively doing research to figure out what could have caused the voices. I asked my reg pdoc after speaking to this guy if he’s absolutely sure I have schizophrenia, and he said “without a doubt”. Is he just ■■■■■■■ with me or does he have to be honest??
Secondly, this speaks massively to how a ■■■■■■■ pdoc has such little faith in AP meds. What the ■■■■?? Like schizophrenics are not capable of being smart!?!
Is this guy just a quack or what? Not on drugs for months and I hear voices and think my family is trying to kill me and that my boss is with organized crime which ended in me quitting.
This has me really bothered, it’s like this ■■■■■■ is saying I didn’t experience what lead me to be diagnosed. I don’t even know if I feel comfortable sharing this. All I know is I’ve finally accepted my diagnosis and now this happens which makes me think I should go off my meds or kill myself because if it’s not schizophrenia, I must be just completely ■■■■■■ up for no good reason which means so many things I don’t know where to begin.
Fuuuck I’m so confused as to what to believe in?
I’m just overwhelmed because this only came up bc my nurse noticed something was wrong. I didn’t tell her what, but I had a visitor and It felt like he was trying to send me a message in speech, like other than what he was saying. But I know that’s not true, or atleast I’m not going to entertain it. Then 10 mins after he left I heard someone ‘bellow’ my name loudly, I recognized the voice, it was my nurse, but she had just left for her 15m coffee break. Now I’m wondering if I just thought my name was being called but it was some other real noice that I just misinterpreted??
Ughh sorry, I just need to vent, I’m sure I’ll regret sharing all this. This is just ■■■■■■■ stupid is all. Whatever idk.