My kid sis has a new boss who is pretty out there. Used to be a beach guard in San Diego and Miami and might have been out in the sun too long. But this boss is very cool.
Her new saying is don’t a let a mistake define your opinion of a person. A mistake is like a cake there are a host of ingredients that made it. It’s not the definition of a person, it’s just one frame in the movie of their life.
(Yes… lifeguards are weird. Really… if you hang out with them… they are different. It comes from spending hours of staring into the water.)
I’m trying to keep this saying in mind as I deal with a family situation. It’s just a result of many ingredients coming together at once… it is not the definition or the person as a whole. It’s the result of the situation…
My brother was involuntarily committed this month and he’s going through detox and eventually they will be able to start to figure out how to help him. I told my parents I might not be up for seeing him too soon and the parents both said… We understand, you can only do what you can do and if you can’t do it… then you can’t do it.
Later through the meal last night my kid sis admitted to being rather afraid of our brother after being through what she’s been through and she thought it over, articulated it and decided that she was NOT going to go see him right off when that call comes.
My Mom took my sis into the back room and then proceeded to Yell at her. Lunar Eclipses happen far more often then my Mom’s yelling.
But Dad and I sat at the table listening to my Mom yell at my kid sis… That she didn’t have a mental illness so she better just suck it up and show up with bells on when that call comes. There were lot’s of “How dare you turn you back on your brother” and other such rants. It was 20 minutes of no sympathy. Eventually Dad went in as busted it up.
My Mom is a good person. She has used her energy to get all of us through some hellish times. She has stood by our side and defend and educated and used her fast acting cobra power and saved our lives. I do like my Mom. 99.9% of the time, my Mom is pretty amazing.
I tried to talk to my sis about this but I got hit with the “a mistake is a cake” philosophy.
When I tried to give my sis a hug she said No, she’s stronger then this. Then I got hit with the lighthouse attitude. I guess there are different expectations for different kids. I wonder if that is a good thing.