Good intentions... bad consequences

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Fire ONE: :bomb: :boom: Some bad news hit me yesterday about a girl my sister knew from her SZ support group who committed suicide this past week. The family was so focused on their Sz child the dropped the ball on their other one. She’s the one who’s gone now.

Fire TWO: :bomb: :boom: I tried to talk to my parents about some family stuff that upsets me and how they seem to take my kid sis for granted and don’t comfort her.

I wrote some harsh letters… and my sis convinced me they were harsh. So last night I went over and decided to wing it. As I spoke, I proceeded to get dramatic and emphatic and not nice again. I made this same mistake three times in a row now. But this time, I told them about the girl… the poor ignored girl who committed suicide right under her families nose.

As I got more dramatic and emphatic and upset my two thoughts merged as one and my two lines of thinking exploded on each other :bomb: :bomb: :boom: :boom:

And now my parents think my kid sis is suicidal. So they want to put her in some emergency therapy and a activate code red, fast cobra action :snake:

My kid sis happened to be at the movies with our other brother last night and she wasn’t around. She didn’t anwer her phone either… not in the middle of a movie.

My parents thought the worst… I didn’t know she was at a movie… We were all waiting for her at our place when she got in late and she nearly got slapped in suicide watch. Fast talking, loud arguing and chaos began to emerge. (my brother Jack said don’t get between two red heads)

So now my parents are upset with me. Upset with her and have vowed to pay extra attention to my sis.

My sis says with school, work, extra projects, and training rookie lifeguards… she doesn’t have time for extra parental attention. I feel horrid. I tried to write it out… that didn’t work… I tired to wing it… that didn’t work.

Good intentions… bad consequences… sorry sis.

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I’m sorry this has happened J, I think it’s easy for any mind to see connections within our own families when you’ve observed another families situation and how that turned out. It’s very easy to see the relationship between that poor girl and your kid sis your mind probably went a bit haywire and made too many connections which caused you distress and you just wanted to stop the same thing happening to your sis so your intention is understood and I’m sure with a little time your parents will calm down and see your perspective too. But they said they’d pay more attention to her, so you may get the intended response you just took a bit of a detour rather than a direct route if that makes sense. I’m sure once the anxiety has died down it will turn out to work.

And I think suicide hits home with everyone particularly those with mental illness and we worry more than most if it comes close to our homes, worry more that it could happen to one of our own. So I think you just need to do some calming behaviours and take a step back, your sis is okay and will understand. Try not to be too hard on yourself x

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Thank you for that… I hate it when I try to make things better and I try to help and it just makes it all worse.

I wish I knew what I could do when I get like this next time. Because I wasn’t nice about it. Plus I scared my parents. My sis is floored. She says all the time… she enjoys life too much and is too much of an optimist to ever let go or life voluntarily.

She is a joyous force. She is an optimist and she does make people happy. I am trying to learn from this and wonder what I can do differently next time.

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It’ll be ok James. I dont think you did anything wrong, you had your family members’ best interests at heart. Drama and crap goes as soon as it comes, I have some drama in my house (my dad’s side of the family thinks im a satanic homosexual looney, basically) and my sister (unmedicated bipolar) is frankly a bitch who only opens her mouth to say something offensive towards me, and has always been that way. My mother is pretty down to earth but she caves in from family pressure and takes my dad’s side after he takes my aunt’s side (who I see like once a year and exchange like 3 sentences with, mind you), then I remind them that Im a bisexual schizophrenic with a big handful of lesser disorders too and that isnt gonna change and that I can’t ■■■■■■■ help it.

Don’t let people get you down. Normal people problems are jokes to us mentally ill people, I just laugh when I am confronted with “someone has a problem with you” LOL OK IM NOT HEARING VOICES OR HAVING UNCONTROLLABLE THOUGHTS ANYMORE SO I DONT GIVE ANY ■■■■■

just keep a selfish attitude when you’re mentally ill. Normal people will never understand, I dont care if they have a Ph.D., unless you have been psychotic, you dont truly understand what it takes to carry on in that state. Don’t be selfish towards other mentally ill people, help them as much as you can, but sure as hell dont be vulnerable to normal people and their sad stories, their ■■■■■■■■ is nothing close to living with a broken brain.

I like to say “take 2 tabs of acid and have a bad trip right after snorting a line of cocaine every morning, go to school for a year like this, make a 3.5 and have the body of an MMA fighter and then we can talk”

You see what I mean? Normal people ■■■■■■■■. Keep your well-being separate from other people’s ■■■■■■■■. I’m not saying disregard your sister, you and her are a team, but don’t let other family get you down. My parents both flipped a ■■■■ at me saying I was bisexual and dating guys, I was like ■■■■ YOU and that was that.

Just don’t be the victim is what I am really saying, as a person who lives with schizophrenia, you already are and always will be. My mind still plays tricks on me. I still have crippling anxiety which I fight through. I am considered as good as it gets, and I still know that I am living with a serious handicap in the competitive world and kicking its ass. Keep your little shell intact, you need one.

This may have been my most irate and blunt post ever, but I dont like to hear you, a man who has been through hell and still has enough demons chasing him feeling down due to other people. I just wanted to share my thoughts on self preservation as a functioning schizophrenic, and mine work, apparently.

It requires a little selfishness, but it’s justifiable through our pasts. You and I have both been deep in hell, and we’re not going back, ever. People might try to drag you down. Stomp on them.

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I guess that’s why the saying: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. :smile: I have done this soooo many times. Thought I was picking the right situation to make my point and had it back fire big time.

It will blow over and things will calm down. What you did was done out of love and your sister will see that. Also it may not have turned out how you wanted but that doesn’t change the fact that you were trying to address something that you have an opinion and feelings about. Rarely do these situations go as planned.

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I didn’t mean to make it sound like the kid sis is angry with me because she’s not. She’s just a little freaked out. I do feel personally bad about that.

Now that I’ve calmed down and taken my meds and gathered myself and managed to get some sleep… much better.

Yesterday my sis got up… and all was well

She went to work and school and back to work… and all was well
Did her home work… all was well
Went out with our other brother… and all was well

Due to my meddling, she came home to a surprise suicide intervention with parents in full crisis mode and Mom questioning her about her state of mind.

I’m also mad at myself because my brother kept saying, “this is between Mom and Riley. They both have spines of steel. Neither will bend to the other. This happens often it’s just you never used to see it. Say out of it.”

I couldn’t stay out of it. I got emphatic and disrespectful to the parents… Which, there was no need for.

I got dramatic and made them think that my sis is just inches away from suicide …. Which she’s not, she’s fine, happy and stable.

My parents are angry due to my “sounding the alarm” so to speak. But the sis and I are solid.
I’m more angry with myself for being such an ass about all this.

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J., you can never be an ass when trying to protect someone you care about.

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you now know that your parents do care about your sis, that is a good thing.
take care

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