Schizophrenia.com

A joke I heard in the hospital XD

#1

Here it is

A panda walks into a resteraunt (sp?) and waits to be seated. A waiter asks him what he wants and the panda said, “I want everything, everything you have.” The waiter says, “That’ll take a long time, sir,” and he went to the kitchen. His food eventually comes and he eats. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter. The nowner of the resteraunt says, “I’m going to call the cops!” The oanda replies, “Look panda up in the dictionary. It says eats shoots and leaves.”

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#2

Good one. A dumb blonde walks into a bar and says “Ouch”.

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#3

Two nuns are driving through a dark and stormy night. The mother superior and a young sister. On the road to the Church a huge vampire appears out of the mist and into the road. He is looming as he waves a hand and the car comes to a halt.

The mother superior says to they young sister, “quick roll down the window and show him your cross”

The young sister rolls down the window, gets angry and shouts out, “get out of the road you jack ass!”
:stuck_out_tongue:

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#4

OK. Here’s a joke I posted on the old forums that someone didn’t get. Maybe I’ll have more luck here.

A traveling salesman is driving through the Midwest at night and his car breaks down. He starts walking to find someone to help him. About a mile down the road he sees a farmhouse and he walks up and knocks on the door. A farmer in overalls answers. The salesman says, " Hi, I’m not from here. My car broke down, can you help me"?
The farmer says, “Sure you can spend the night here and get help in the morning, but you will have to share a bed with my son”.
The traveling salesman says, " Oh my god, I’m in the wrong joke"!

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#5

A blond man entered the hospital emergency room with his two ears burned. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “Well”, the man explained, “my wife was ironing clothing, behind my chair while I was watching TV. She put down the iron next to the phone and when the phone rang I answered the iron.”

“Wow that is terrible” responded the doctor, and what happened to your other ear?”

“Well” the blond guy responded “Right afterwards, the damn phone rang again!”

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#6

these are all nice jokes guys XD I love em!!

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#7

I know that everyone knows this joke over and over, but I love this one

the girl gets all settled in the dorm bath and a of course there is a knock on the washroom door. “who is it?” she says

“Blind man, I need to get in there.”
She’s a little embarrassed but the guy did say he was the blind man so OK fine.
She doesn’t cover up or anything because he did say he was the blind man.
“Ok, sure I guess, come in”
The man steps in and says, “Nice breast, now where do you want the blinds?”

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#8

XD oh my. Thats a good one XD

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#9

nice jokes everyone! I really enjoyed that last one. lol

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#10

All the jokes are hilarious. I needed a good laugh today. I especially love the panda joke. :smile:

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#11

thank you. I learned that one in the hospital XD

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#12

I live in a house with blinds over the windows. Sometimes I think the house is blind. I used to think the house was my head. Therefore I am blind. It makes a sillygism.

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