Mother, putting cold cream on her face.
Child - “What’s that for?”
Mother -“It’s to make me beautiful.”
Child - “It didn’t work, did it.”
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Another good joke! Thanks @PinCushion .
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I like to live on the edge…of town. 
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Person 1: I have Schizophrenia.
Person 2: I too have Schizophrenia
Both are same, its just the voices echoing…
There once was a man who got in a bad accident. He was in the hospital. His whole body was destroyed and all it was left that was functioning was his head . A fairy appeared an offered him a wish. What would you like to wish the the fairy asked?
The man said I’d like to be a grape
And so the fairy turned the man into a grape and the grape rolled off the bed down the hallway out the door into the street and got run over by a car.
Moral of the story: quit while your ahead. 
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