There is a book I’ve been reading called
“Sane” by Marya Hornbacher
I’ve been reading the 12 steps to getting back into humanity, getting rid of negativity, getting rid of anger and guilt, making amends… not a lot of “God” speak, but more “Inner self” power.
The steps on Transformation and Power have been giving me an idea… especially the chapter on transformation… To be what your capable of being, but aren’t there yet.
For me… the window is all about the window of necessity…
I am so sick of feeling no self-confidence in certain situations. Some situations I’m fine. I feel fine. But when it comes to any conflict… I feel no self confidence. I’ve been using passive resistance most of the time and it works amazing… just go do what I do and leave the conflicting person alone and standing by themselves… let them conflict with themselves… I’m going surfing.
I love passive resistance. It’s moved nations to independence. It’s quietly conquered many a bully. But it’s not working this time for some reason. It’s been bothering me that conflicted people have been invading my space.
It’s been making me sleep walk and draining my energy and destroying my appetite. Why won’t people just go away?
So I have to do it… I have to get even more direct and tell the demigod that He has to stop. He has to go away and leave us mere mortals alone. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’ll be going to my Sz group tomorrow evening and I’ve been writing out some cards so I can tell him to go away and not ramble off topic.
It’s the non-stop bragging about how he is just so much better every human on the planet. He says disparaging remarks about my family member because she’s not going to put out. Yet he still insist on coming over to talk to her. I haven’t seen in inch of empathy or honest concern for others out of this person on any level. Never a supportive statement in group… just all about how great he is.
Never a congratulations to anyone else… never a thumbs up to anyone. If someone is doing well… he has to point out how he is doing better. It’s draining. I can feel my energy just get sucked out of me. When he leaves, I feel physically drained and weakened. The wheel in my head is just spinning out of control between stuff I wish I would have said and how my circus thinks he’s a kidnapper. I do realize I’m getting a bit delusional about this and yes… my sis and my brother have had to talk me down…
So I have to do something. So I’ve been practicing what to say and I’m trying to be nice about it. I hope firm but patient works.
But this book has given me the idea that the time is now… it’s time to try something new and that change will hopefully spark more change and soon I’m really hoping I can rebuild some self confidence and get this demigod and all other demigods away from us. It’s time to stand up to people who want to point out I’m not as good as they are due to my illness, or my level of functioning compared to them.
Always looking for ideas…