A book... an idea... and the window of necessity

Health and Recovery
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There is a book I’ve been reading called

“Sane” by Marya Hornbacher

I’ve been reading the 12 steps to getting back into humanity, getting rid of negativity, getting rid of anger and guilt, making amends… not a lot of “God” speak, but more “Inner self” power.

The steps on Transformation and Power have been giving me an idea… especially the chapter on transformation… To be what your capable of being, but aren’t there yet.

For me… the window is all about the window of necessity…

I am so sick of feeling no self-confidence in certain situations. Some situations I’m fine. I feel fine. But when it comes to any conflict… I feel no self confidence. I’ve been using passive resistance most of the time and it works amazing… just go do what I do and leave the conflicting person alone and standing by themselves… let them conflict with themselves… I’m going surfing.

I love passive resistance. It’s moved nations to independence. It’s quietly conquered many a bully. But it’s not working this time for some reason. It’s been bothering me that conflicted people have been invading my space.

It’s been making me sleep walk and draining my energy and destroying my appetite. Why won’t people just go away?

So I have to do it… I have to get even more direct and tell the demigod that He has to stop. He has to go away and leave us mere mortals alone. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’ll be going to my Sz group tomorrow evening and I’ve been writing out some cards so I can tell him to go away and not ramble off topic.

It’s the non-stop bragging about how he is just so much better every human on the planet. He says disparaging remarks about my family member because she’s not going to put out. Yet he still insist on coming over to talk to her. I haven’t seen in inch of empathy or honest concern for others out of this person on any level. Never a supportive statement in group… just all about how great he is.

Never a congratulations to anyone else… never a thumbs up to anyone. If someone is doing well… he has to point out how he is doing better. It’s draining. I can feel my energy just get sucked out of me. When he leaves, I feel physically drained and weakened. The wheel in my head is just spinning out of control between stuff I wish I would have said and how my circus thinks he’s a kidnapper. I do realize I’m getting a bit delusional about this and yes… my sis and my brother have had to talk me down…

So I have to do something. So I’ve been practicing what to say and I’m trying to be nice about it. I hope firm but patient works.

But this book has given me the idea that the time is now… it’s time to try something new and that change will hopefully spark more change and soon I’m really hoping I can rebuild some self confidence and get this demigod and all other demigods away from us. It’s time to stand up to people who want to point out I’m not as good as they are due to my illness, or my level of functioning compared to them.

Always looking for ideas…

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James I really do hope things will go your way when you take on that demigod. I have dealt with a narcissistic personality before. Any attempt to talk to or negotiate with such a person are regarded by them as a sign of your weakness. Be careful that you and your sis don’t become this guy’s main source of narcissistic supply. The best treatment for such people is not to give them any attention at all.

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I do agree, but now I’m confused. I want to stand up for myself and start figuring how to do that and I want the person to leave us alone.

I don’t like the idea that I have to sit and just wait for these people to loose interest. But at the same time I don’t want to attract any more attention from this person or others like him.

What I want… I want this person to stop driving out here and knocking on the door. I want this person to forget we exist. Maybe I need to edit my card down to one sentence.

My sis has a very weird idea that she should get him a weeks worth of female escort visits. Sort of like a gift card for ladies of negotiable affection … and my sis is thinking by the end of the visits he will have forgotten all about us.

I’ve only dealt with a prostitute once and I don’t remember them issuing gift cards for visits. It’s not like “A day at the spa”… or is it?

OH MAN… I just looked this up for pondering…

http://triblive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/s_730627.html#axzz2zFQZi12X

Prostitutes now accept gift cards… Now I’m way off topic…

Still looking for ideas to banish a demigod. All suggestions welcome…

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I think as long as you can stay calm about this that you are on the right track. You have every right to stand up for yourself and to say I don’t want this in my life.

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I don’t think a gift would be a good idea. That will only massage his ego more and will make him more come over even more because it would be giving him the thing he needs most, narcissistic supply. A gift would surely seem like praise for him. Narcissistic supply is a drug that the narcissist is hopelessly addicted to. Besides, hookers are not cheap, a weeks worth will cost both of you a lot. He sounds exactly like a somatic narcissist. Sex for them is not so much about the pleasure but more about conquering. Your sis is being nice to him so he thinks he still has a chance. He’s not looking for love, narcissists are incapable of intimacy. He’s just looking to ‘conquer’ her and I guess he’s taking it as a challenge. I agree with Fellowman, best to not give him any attention at all.

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How far are you into this book? Does she apply the 12 steps to MI recovery?

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Yes, its pretty equal in MI recovery and/or addiction. She seems to address addiction in the simple fact that for fellow club members, they are comorbid conditions. But maybe it’s how I’m reading it… it feels that MI is the bigger focus.

I’ve skimmed the entire book but I just finished seriously reading step 6… Willingness.
Today I start step 7… Transformation.

It’s not huge… 167 pages. But I like it so far.

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Thank you for this. My sis does read this site and I hope she sees this highlighted part and realizes that she shouldn’t be nice to everyone. While she thinks she’s helping by trying to be a supportive understanding friend… she’s only making it worse.

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Sounds interesting. I tried to start writing 12 steps of MI recovery… I only got one chapter so happy to know someone has done it.

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I remember when that was sort of my idea too… she beat me to it. Oh well…

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Sounds like the guy has narcissistic personality disorder and maybe he is just spouting off ■■■■■■■■ about how great he is (delusions of grandeur, quite possibly). I went to a couple NAMI group meetings and I was very honest and matter of fact about how I was doing, I accepted congratulations and immediately turned by attention towards others and gave them the best advice that I could- but I felt like I was playing therapist and didnt go back. I think I was actually further in recovery than the person leading the group…Maybe I will be a NAMI group leader when I am out of school and settled down.

I try to help people who are stuck in their battle against schizophrenia. But if someone tries to tell me I am insane I shut their mouth by telling them how well I do- I do better than the vast majority of mentally healthy people, and I make it clear to people that I am recovered if they insult me by calling me insane. One of my friends who has drug problems and obviously some psychological problems (he refuses therapy) sometimes gets frustrated when I call him out on being a complete and utter drug bug and tell him to quit popping pills and washing them down with vodka at my house or if I say something that makes him jealous (like being picky about who I date or have sex with, he takes whatever he can get) will just insult me by saying “youre ■■■■■■■ insane”.

The last time he did that, I screamed at him about how he lost his full ride to school by doing drugs while I kept mine despite being legally insane, that I had all A’s and spent my free time powerlifting and not driving around town drunk and on drugs like he did (and still does actually). He didnt say a word and left.

But anyway, do confront people who talk ■■■■. I don’t accept trash talk. I have a conscientious but highly aggressive personality, as long as I am not insulted I am very polite and actually too generous, offering people a drink or a cigarette and welcoming them anytime…but when I get insulted for being mentally ill, I make it clear that I kicked schizophrenia in the balls and I function more highly than the person insulting me. It feels good to beat normal people at their own game.

I tested in the 75% for psychopathic deviance on my evaluation over a year ago, so I am naturally quick to react to offensive people. I am also a competitive powerlifter and have a few belts in Krav Maga so no one has ever really gotten into it with me, if I get irate they quickly leave before they find themselves in the hospital.

Just don’t take ■■■■. Teddy Roosevelt said “walk softly and carry a big stick”, I am conscientious and gentlemanly until someone is stupid enough to insult me in any way. Then I verbally attack them and they just shut up.

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I’m not good on the verbal attack. This guy is a much faster talker then I am.

It’s puzzling me. He broke up with my sis. He is the one who cheated on her, and she let that go and say no ill will and no hard feelings…

But now that he’s back… I think she’s been up front about friends only… I’ve heard her say… you cheated on me… so no ill will, but friends only this time around. So he’s been calling her a looser. If he thinks she’s a looser… why drive 20 minutes over here to hammer that point home?

So he’s slamming her to anyone he can because as he says… she won’t put out. Huge picture of her on his facebook I guess with the words… “Frigid and Ice queen” on them. (this is exactly WHY I hate face book)

He says it in group that he was dating a frigid looser who doesn’t understand how great he is… I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. But I would love it to go away.

I’ve really never seen someone so wrapped in themselves that they have to take anyone else’s small success as a personal insult to their greatness. I’m also trying to tell my sis… there is NO way this guy has any capacity for having a friend. Her attempt at trying to be nice and understanding… is misplaced. She’s thinking he’s delusional due to his SZ.

I should probably also get her to honestly understand that she should not be nice to the person. He’s not reading it as simple kindness… he might be reading it as a come on. If I’m understanding narcissistic personality disorder correctly.

It’s getting to me to say the least. Not just how he treats me and my family… just how he treats humanity in general. Everyone is a looser, or an ass or deserves a beating. It scares me so much when he says he wants to work with people.

@mortimermouse
Say someone is a lot more passive… like me… (tall, thin, lover not a fighter) and I was to confront someone with narcissistic personality disorder… what would be your advice?

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I would say that he has gone too far and also to feel sorry for him, personality disorders are harder to treat than mental illnesses alone. Having both is not a good thing.

But you need to tell this ■■■■■■ off.

At least tell him not to come back again and to leave if he comes your house. Your sis is a sweet girl and does not deserve that ■■■■■■■■, tell her to unfriend on him on facebook and delete his phone number and basically ignore his existence.

You see, I am so easily ticked that even hearing about your situation makes me angry. People know not to mess with me, it’s sometimes hard to imagine what it would be like if I wasnt strong as hell and known for being the most dangerous kid theyve ever met. That’s no exaggeration, I am mentally ill, can squat over twice my weight five times, and have 3 belts in Krav Maga, almost got my fourth but schizophrenia struck me right as I was getting close to testing for it. People who know me know those three things and they also know that I am very bright, on a full scholarship to college, in the honors program making A’s.

It’s easy for me because of my reputation and frankly my appearance as well, bulky and wearing skulls and crossbones and alot of black. People who know me know that as a powerlifter, I am twice as strong as I look, and I look strong enough.

Just prepare for his next verbal attack and verbally rape him for me, will ya? LOL

Wish I could just take care of him for you. I really do.

Harassing your sister for “not putting out” = he asked for it.

But to answer your question, verbally attack him with a sound, valid argument. Tell him the facts, that he is mentally ill and not getting any better, that your sister never wants to see him again, and that you also never want to see him again. Explain that your sister doesnt want him and he needs to knock on someone else’s door. Jeez, if I had a younger sister, no one would have the balls to date her. My sister is older than me and she hates me, so I am just imagining what it would be like to have an attractive younger sister and a bunch of assholes trying to get in her pants. Time to knock some heads together!

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That’s what I’ve been trying to get through to the stubborn redhead mermaid. Thank you for that… some guys are incapable of being friends…

I’ll try my best to keep my verbal sharp and just tell him… “the hand of friendship is retracted. No friends for you.”

I can fence a bit… but it’s illegal to bring a sword into the library where we meet. I don’t know how I’ll do it yet, but I will try and make my tongue as sharp as my sword. (we’ll see how that goes)
Thanks for the input…

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In my experience confronting a narcissist like this won’t work. They’ll either retaliate or just keep coming back to get a rise out of you. I ended up completely blocking the sociopath from my life by not engaging, no eye contact, no talking. I walked away, hung up the phone, shut door in his face and after a couple of weeks he went away for good and I’ve not seen him since.

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Si, now you understand my day… not easy.

Thank you for this… It worked? He did finally go away? That’s all I really want… just ignore us and go away.

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I used to be a fencer. I used the Eppe. I was terrible at it.

Just be rational. Reason is the sharpest sword, it cuts deep into people’s minds. I am taking elementary logic and I can tell you that a good argument can hurt people more than a dropkick. I’ve dropkicked people before (in sparring matches, with waivers signed) and won arguments. I prefer winning an argument.

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I like sabers… everything is a fatal hit… :stuck_out_tongue:
I hope to get better at foil… higher skill level.

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Yeah it worked. First I tried reasoning with him and that didn’t work. He feeded off the engagement of it. But the thing with ignoring him is that you can’t look weak, like I mean by not looking him in the eye. You need to come off as disinterested and bored with him. At first he’ll try to “win” you back by acting nice or doing something nice but then he’ll revert back into a jerk.

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I liked eppe because I was more intent on batting their sword out of the way…LOL. I wish they had spadone (italian greatsword) fencing in my town. I have a book on it, apparently there is fencing in which people use blunt two handed swords and have epic sword fights! It’s probably in Portland, Oregon…lmao