- Caught up a bit on sleep.
- Nobody died of starvation. I have very kind and understanding children.
- My daughter and I are watching "Call the Midwife ". My favorite show.
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I missed yoga class this morning ancd did not go out but have been reading my new book almost all day .it was a gift and it’s written in Swedish so I get to practice the language.
I got out of the house.it was not for long but something is something and it’s beautiful as ever.
I ate almost all of my Swedish lollies I got sent to me as a gift.
Probably kgs in one day so I may put on weight but I enjoyed eating them and have been nostalgic.
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Should hit 30,000 Steps.
On the job so no snacking and three meals a day. No cheating. Day 1.
Well. Dad did bring home these little donuts with cream and jam. I will have 3 of those because even on the job you need to live a little fun!
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Jeej, a new 3 positives thread! My favourite!
For yesterday:
- I survived the day despite figthing scary thoughts and guilt all day.
- I saw my kid.
- I had dinner with a friend, finally a good homemade dinner again.
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- Got to sleep in
- Got my shopping done
- Watching anime with my daughter. I don’t love anime but I love her so I’m content watching with her.
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Despite that I have put on many kg in a week and have been eating so unhealthy and keep eating unhealthy there is hope that I can lose those kg I gained.
My stomach is poking out way past my breast n it’s a bad look.
But on the bright side I enjoyed delicious food n lollies and I will try to lose the extra weight.
I believe I can lose the extra kg.
I sat up with some family .
I was not relaxed and comfortable but I managed and coped and did well and even spoke and asked a question.
At the end I felt like I needed comforting and felt emotional and tense n not well and left for bed without saying anything.
This morning I was asked to do the dishes but I couldn’t.
It overwhelmed me as there had been a party and I didn’t know where the glasses went some belonged to others etc
The woman I live with seemed angry at me.
Some of her family don’t think she should let me live with her I think.
I can’t afford to rent so she let me live with her and in October I might get a apartment to live in.
I don’t think she will kick me out but I worry she may ask me to do more than I can if she’s angry with me and that I will feel overwhelmed.
Just cooking dinner is a challenge for me despite that I have all afternoon to do so.
The good is I have a place to live.
If I became homeless I have a car I can sleep in.
I lived in my car for three weeks once but the temperatures are different in this state so it would be difficult and last time I was hospitalised shortly after.
My sacred neigh having a good secure home is most important and for us to always be together in eternal love.
I need her for ever.
May our love be eternal and may our relationship be through and beyond death in a good way.
My sacred sacred neigh.
Thankful for each moment with her.
It sucks being on the fat chubby side .
Strange I can find chubby fat woman attractive and the woman I want to date is not exactly skinny but I am sooooo attracted to her and she turns me on too with mannerism n whole body n being but I have different taste and expectations for my own body because of its natural build ,parents etc
I want to be 53kg but am happy with 55kg even but I’ve put on sooooo much weight and had Nutella pizza and banana caramel pizza for breakfast.
I have such a sweet tooth.
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Today…
I washed clothes
Made a nice dinner
Drank a cup of chamomile tea with honey
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Focusing on how I feel. Not my thoughts. I feel good.
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I did the three things I expected myself to accomplish today(exercise,visit sacred neigh n walk dogs).
I got to check out the woman I want to date (from behind) for a few seconds.
I love her body just as it is.
She has a beautiful body not even beginning to mention her face and mannerism.
My stomach sticks out way past my boobs after my binge eating and quick weight gain n I’m not “curvey “… I love 
eating.wonder if she has noticed my weight gain n huge stomach.as my sister said it’s not a good look n now I’m wearing a padded bra so it won’t look as bad.
The pizza in the fridge was gone so I could not eat anymore caramel banana pizza.
if it was there I would have eaten it all n put on golly knows how many more kg.
- Had a good gathering with my family
- Remembered to get the garbage out for pick up tomorrow
- Watching Netflix and dozing off
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1.Been cleaning
2.finally have some energy
3.symptoms not so bad today
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- Got some pretty snazzy bed sheets for the spare room
- Watched Avengers End Game
- My parents moved all their stuff in to their house, not long now.
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did some exercise in early morning
work was o.k. atmosphere for a change today
planning on practicing some music today.
judy
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- I just finished listening to a couple of mental health podcasts, they were up-lifting.
- I went to McDonalds and bought myself a small coffee.
- I have enough money to go pick up a second set of headphones for work.
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I had ice cream
And extra spearmint ice chewing gum I love that one
I went for a jog down a new route
I’m planning to move out again can’t wait. Too many bad psychosis memories where I live right now and I’m constantly reminded of them.
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Got good news from Pdoc
Lost 6 more pounds
Set up next appt with peer support
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Made a pot of coffee
Brushed my teeth
Made and ate a nice brunch
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Enjoyed game of thrones.
Enjoyed reading my book.
Went on a nice walk to the resavoire with my dog.
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Woke up late but well rested.
Walked the dog for a little bit.
Came home took a cold shower because it was hot outside.
Drank a cup of tea.
Watched some TV with my dad.
Hung out with the family.
Paid my dad his monthly $300 cash.
Today is payday.
Went to work.
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Just the start of the day, but…
- Im completely in love with my new house. It is old and tiny, but i find it perfect. I even drove to the new house in the evening by accident, instead of the old (no furniture there yet). And people are so kind to help!
- I woke up with very little fear and delusional thoughts, even if i forgot meds yesterday.
- I spent time with my family yesterday.
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