Hi, I have suffered treatment resistant chronic paranoid schizophrenia for 17 years. I feel at rock bottom, surrounded by hallucinations and delusions which make me feel severe anxiety I now take pills for. I once was a beautiful and bright graduate with a good outlook. Somehow, despite the intensely cruel psychotic world, I pretend to fit in. I have a home, a husband, pets and work at the mind shop one day a week but despite appearances my life is hell. I am constantly paranoid with hallucinations and delusions and it is emotional torment. I have five minutes on waking when I think maybe the hallucinations have gone but then they return. I tried counselling and heaven knows why but they believe I have dissociative disorder but I’m not sure. Then, I tried going to church but I just feel in an unacceptable way. Anyone else in the same boat?
I made it in Normie land with terrible sz since I was atleast 6…I just started meds this past year…so far not much luck…I understand your pain I’ve taken 10 diff aps I think…I find music and laughter are bright spots in this dark place…
Positive psychotic symptoms arent correlated with functioning, thats why you have a husband pets and work.
Someone with negative and cognitive symptoms goes through an entirely different kind of hell, a hell of absence and dysfunction.
Im not undermining your struggle, positive sz is hell for me as well, my delusions are extremely disturbing. Off meds i would find it impossible to function, i would probably commit suicide.
Consider yourself fortunate that you have some level of functioning. You have learned to live with positive sz that is an inspiring accomplishment.
I take some form of b vitamins i eat a lot of meat protein or if thats offensive find a vegetarian substitute for b vitamins, give up sugar its terrible for symptoms, dont eat white bread and stuff eat whole grains , nuts are great for the brain eat lots of them, get lots of hugs and join a support group to talk about your experience i found that diet helped me a lot and a supportive partner and i have had no voices for over a year
Also i prayed to get better or use positive thinking
I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. I want you to know that maintaining a marriage and working even one day a week are both huge accomplishments for someone with your diagnosis. That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but you deserve to at least be proud of those things.
Some days I think of the life I could have had. All the hopes everyone had for me. And on those days, I feel like an absolute failure for not going on to be a world class scientist. But life is different for us, and that means the rubric by which we measure success is different too. I hate my hallucinations so much, and I can’t imagine a world where no amount of medication could take them away. You are a brave person to keep on fighting through this. I hope someone can find a treatment that helps you.
Hi Mozart! Thanks so much for your response. Sounds like you managed your health intelligently. What is your diagnosis if you don’t mind me asking and what was the final turning point for you?
Hi ninjastar, thank you for your post. I agree that we end up measuring our successes proportionally but I disguise my illness in every way I can and try to achieve success relative to typical society… that way you get away from a constant reminder that you judge yourself by less than ordinary. If I let myself slip I’d be relaxing on a bed, watching tv in governmental housing not mixing with people and eating what I wanted. Setting higher goals motivates me!
I see your point. Maybe there’s a balance, where you can be proud of your achievements without growing complacent.
I was diagnozied with schizophrenia years ago i had really bad voices and hallucinations the turning point was meeting my partner who gave me love and comfort and a home to heal and recover also positive thinking i just decided id do anything i could to get better i visualise myself as healthy every day also changing my diet i used to drink 2 litres of coke a day and eat takeaway junk food now i have a healthy diet but it took a lot of time to recover
I’m sorry to hear that.
I’m a sister of a brother who is diagnosed with Schizophrenia 3 decades ago when he was 19. We are 19 years apart. He has many episodes of psychosis throughout those years…
He has the worst case of the disease…it hurts to see him go through this.
I need to know if there are ways to at least get him out of his head and get him to function …he has lost sight to reality and is always talking and screaming. He was an older brother to me, even bought me my first pet, took me out to get mcdonalds, fetch me from school. He is also very artistically inclined and technologically savvy, but he stopped fixing computers, he stopped illustrating, he can’t write and convey his thoughts anymore. The illness and his hopelessness just got the worst out of him. He is also pretty spoilt since he is the first son of the family and the extended family, my parents provided for him. If he doesn’t have this chronic disease, he could be taking over a role of a successful family business. Me and my sister got it hard since we were girls, we have to make a living for ourselves.
I haven’t been there by his side, I’m always working trying to make ends meet and my parents are old. So I need to be taking care of my brother, at least I have an older sister but she has kind stopped work just to help out with the family. The bills and home rental and getting a helper is incredibly high. I’m so depressed to the point of thinking about not waking up sometimes…
Arise, zombie thread! Arise!!!
Ok. I’m 38 and have suffered for 22 years. I seem to develop lovely side effects, and I used to do self destructive things including trying to kill myself more than once and had a fun diseaseanorexia Unfortunately I had an experience when I was put in Er with no meds. That was pure hell. I hit my rock bottom and haven’t looked back. I’ll never be able to be normal, but I’ve accepted it. That’s the only thing you can do and do your best to take care of yourself. Sux we all got dealt shitty decks of cards…the question is what are you going to do about it. Find distractions hobbies anything just to not think. My mind is my own worst enemy and I know it. Take care