This is my first post here. I have Paranoid Schizophrenia, and have had it for 28 years. In fact, that’s kinda what this post is about.
For the past several weeks, I have been feeling like I don’t know how much more I can continue fighting schizophrenia. For almost 30 years, I’ve battled this through many different meds and hospitalizations, and it just feels tiring. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of everything actually. Waking up with this pain every day and trying to get through yet another hard day is exhausting. It’s soul crushing. On one hand, I want to give up and give in, and the other part of me wants me to keep fighting and strive for a better life. That negative voice in my head (I don’t mean the hallucinations) tells me to call it quits. But I instinctively push forward anyway.
Anyone else here that can relate? Anyone who’s been diagnosed for a long time and finds themselves just utterly worn out? Anyone who thinks after a while it seems like fighting a losing battle but soldiers on?
I have only been trying to treat sza (schizoaffective) for 8 years so far and no drug or treatment makes the men stop following, recording, judging, and having others reporting on me. I hate it. I hope others here can help you feel better. Regardless, this is a good community and I believe you’ll find great support here.
A few tips on things that confuse newbies:
Cake day is the anniversary date of when you joined.
The 1515 or other numbers at the end of peoples posts are because there’s a 15 character minimum to post. So people put 15s after until they get to the minimum characters to post.
work with your pdoc on trying to find the med for you…that’s what it took for me to finally have hope for the future…I am on prolixin generic…fluphenazine…and love it…it’s in your meds I bet man.
It’s “good” to hear that someone can empathize and relate. This disease can be a real kick in the pants. I’m sorry you’re enduring the same thing @Sherlock. I’m glad someone else understands, and sometimes that’s enough to be validating by itself.
It seems like there are a lot of people here who can relate an feel roughly the same way. Sorry you’re dealing with this @anon39736208. It’s a tough position to be in.
I felt hopeless about it years ago.
Second after second, hour after hour ,month after month n years after years of suffering n voices etc but for me it got better thankfully.
@SacredNeigh7, yeah, I have my good moments. I’m not flat on back and giving up, I still enjoy things in life. But every now and then I just get tired of it and frustrated. It’s a relentless, determined disease. Could do without it - but I also realize it could be way worse too or an even more awful affliction.
