I feel like many people I know can hear my thoughts and see everything I do.
I’m super scared of disrespecting anyone, and this causes me a fair bit of anxiety.
I constantly disrespect people I care about by accident, the more I care the more it happens and I obsess over it. Most of the time superficial, sometimes really bad things. I hate myself for having these thoughts and punish myself mentally constantly to compensate, sometimes physically too.
The constant feeling of surveillance causes problems too.
For instance, since I feel everyone is watching, it makes me super shallow in romantic matters. I’m probably missing out on good experiences as a result of feeling like I have no privacy.
I was never this way at all before I had sz.
Does anyone else experience this?
If so, how do you get over it, or around it?
Was going to post this elsewhere but this seems to be the most active, positive and supportive sz forum.
This is unfortunately schiz at work. Id say 99% of people with the paranoid schiz condition has this problem. I have had to push through it with the help of meds
to put it bluntly hunni…telepathy is bollocks. noone can read your mind. noone. it’s ■■■■. just because you hear the voices of those around you does not mean that they can read your mind. it just means that your brain is reproducing the voices of people you meet, be it family, friends or strangers in public. they do very good impressions don’t they. mine do too but i know for a fact that mine aren’t real so how can yours be? i used to believe in it, i really did, wholeheartedly but not any more. you have to think about how it would be possible for a start and how the receiver of your thoughts would cope with seeing through your eyes, hearing your thoughts, hearing your outward conversations, feeling your feelings day in day out 24/7. we can’t even cope with just voices remember? so how would they cope? my voices have creative jobs and some live in different time zones to me yet they seem to be able to work, play, love, write, sing, direct and sleep, all without impedance from hearing, seeing and feeling my thoughts all day every day…come on hunni…it’s just not possible at all, is it. and why would these people you hear even want to read your mind? believe me i have as good a reason as any but it’s simply not real. who are you anyway? a person of interest? have you invented something world changing> no…didn’t think so…so why would you be of interest to anyone but yourself? it’s just your mind turned in on itself. it has splintered into many different parts and will continue to do so until you find the right medication to either stop it completely or at least dull it down a little. so if you are searching for an answer then look to your psychiatrist for differents meds to try. that’s what i’m doing all the time. you have to prove it to yourself. trust me, you are not having your mind read by anyone at all. xxx
I’m not diagnosed. My son is. As a parent I can say that I would not want my son punishing himself mentally or physically for thoughts that are not in his control. You don’t deserve that. I’m guessing all it does in the end is perpetuate a cycle of abuse. I’m guessing that the stress of feeling like you are under constant surveillance is causing you to lash out at those closest to you. Do you mind if I ask if you are taking any medications? They may help to lessen these feelings so that you can start to work on respecting yourself and the people around you.
I’m sorry your fighting through this one. It’s one of the gifts of the head circus that is part of this illness.
The way around it for me is talking it out with my therapist, and staying on my meds.
I call this a loop. the more your upset, the more it happens to upset you so you become more upset… and on and on it spins.
The therapy helped me get out of my loops. So when something like this starts to happen now… I can breathe, talk to someone and reaffirm that no one can read my mind. I’m not thought projecting… it’s not possible.
I know if feels completely real, but like @jaynebeal says… it’s not real at all.
It’s hard to fight it. Good luck and if you aren’t on meds… I hope you find a therapist or a good support system to talk to. Don’t punish yourself. You don’t need to… we’re all in this boat.
@Meteor
Thats good to know that this is commonplace. It’s comforting to know that many people go through these sort of thoughts and gives me hope that I can recover.
@jaynebeal
I’m always looking for arguments that will take power away from the voices, I suppose thats one way around it! Thanks for the suggestions.
@BarbieBF
Yes, I’m taking medication, I’m on clozapine. Unfortunately I seem to be pretty resistant even to that. I remember hearing about your son in the “how much clozapine silenced your voices?” thread. Thanks for the response, I cause my Mom a fair bit of anguish with my condition, thats one motivator to try and get well.
@SurprisedJ
I hear you. A lot of these kind of vicious cycles in this illness. Talking it out with my case worker helps me a lot too.
Thank you so much for the responses people.
I’m going to revisit this thread a few times and reread things to really let it sink in.