My voices are telling me right now that people with shot out brains don’t get into heaven. That I have to be smart. Basically I’m going to hell.
Today I have literally been in hell. Why doesn’t god look out for me more? My guess is he’s mad at me for using. So he’s punishing me i guess.
Being ill it’s not your fault. You could have it anyway if it weren’t for the drugs. Don’t beat yourself up, the reason is probably more genetic.
I did this to myself too, there’s no point in it.
Well, I don’t believe in heaven or hell except what is right here on earth. And I’ve never heard voices but what I gleaned from hearing many stories about voices is that the voices lie.
That makes me feel a little bit better. I’m actually sitting here thinking… “Damn… I’m actually going to hell.”
Why doesn’t god stop the demons?
He tells me to read “the good book” that’s what he calls it for some reason…
Like if I show him more love and interest he’ll help me overcome this horrible illness I have.
But no… Today its like he was the one telling on me to my family letting them know I get high (my elderly great grandparents btw… They can’t handle that type of news about me) … Telling on me then watching me suffer.
I’m so bitter towards everyone now
Because nobody understands the kind of torture I go through daily
The only thing is I’m not the only one who hears my voices. I know its a little far featched and sounds legit crazy but people around me can hear my voices and thoughts
That’s what makes me so mad
I bet some of your torture would let up if you stopped using drugs. Its not impossible to kick an addiction. thousands (or even hundreds of thousands) of people have done it before you. Good luck.
Maybe forgiveness is eternal
I don’t believe that… I think if a god exists he wouldn’t go to all that trouble.
When are you thinking of sorting the situation of your meds?
I got an appt to a pdoc asap. I can’t get in until September at the latest, but I’m also on a cancelation list so if anyone cancels I get to go sooner. Which I’m praying for.
My moms also got theanine in the mail for me
Sigh, it’s all symptoms. I go through weird crap too so you’re not alone. I know about mental torture, I have my own. I don’t put all my faith in a cure and I know I will have schizophrenia for life, but I don’t base my life on those facts. I’ve had paranoid schizophrenia for 35 years but I’ve worked almost steadily my whole adult life. I just take it one day at a time and plug away at my goals and I have done OK for myself.
Who knows? You may recover some down the road a little. I hate to see you torture yourself with this god think but I respect other peoples beliefs.
Yes I need to kick the drugs I know.
I have a guilty conscious about it and it makes everything else so bad. And my paranoia is through the roof
Alright, only one more month.
L-Theanine won’t help your symptoms, might help you to calm down though.
There’s a lot of thought broadcasting, paranoia and religious delusions. Can you identify them as such when you think about them?
Yes, I can.
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That’s good, it can help you deal until you’ve got meds and the meds start to work.
So identifying the delusions should help me deal with them?
Be really careful about messing with street drugs. I know from personal experience that you can put yourself into a tortuous mental place once you start messing with the chemicals in your brain. Tell your doctor what is going on as soon as you can. In the meantime chalk this experience up as a hard lesson you’re learning about using mind altering chemicals. As for the Almighty, it can be hard to understand his or her ways. Just trust that there is a purpose behind your suffering, even if you can’t see it now.
Yes, of course. Insight is a good thing when we’re a bit lost in our thoughts and delusions.
Try not to believe in every thought, question if it’s sane, and don’t worry if it’s not. Meds will help you.
And maybe go to NA, might help you with the drug issue.
Is taking any drug going to change the chemicals in your brain? That makes me really nervous. That’s the main reason my symptoms are so intense right now.
Okay. I will try this. Thanks for the advice!
I have tried something like this… Confronting the bad voices and thoughts trying to get them to stop. I let them know I’ve had enough and they don’t have power over me and I don’t deserve this. Sometimes they give me a break after I say this sometimes they don’t.