Yesterday was the best day of my life maybe, but today just might top it? (maybe some trigger warning in this post even though the title doesnt seem that way)

Good sign I have lucidity and clearness and I talk to my friend and the thoughts and conversations flow so smoothly. I’m back to my self from June when I was doing really well before I relapsed into addiction of marijuana, after 5 years of not smoking more than infrequently…

I have confidence in my self right now and that brings me happiness being able to be confident and eloquent brings me happiness.

I’ve walked 5 miles today already and the day is very young. I went to bars last night with my friend. First time I went to bars in my life…it was Halloween obviously and I was 100% sober and it was the best night of my life. Proved to me I don’t need alcohol/drugs to have fun its quite the opposite.

Today me and my friend I went to the bars with hung out a lot and I told him everything that happened last night and he didn’t remember any of it and he cracked up at everything I said. And I went on like an hour about things that happened and he didn’t remember any of it lol. ■■■■ and that’s one of the reasons why I think a “true alcoholic” is one of the worst kind of addicts there is. Up there with a heroin addict. Although drinking moderately isn’t going to ruin you. But peer pressure was the reason I drank in the first place, the second place and third place. The fourth place, was because I was addicted. But now ive managed to quit it is a miracle???

With pot you just need to be ready to quit. You just need to realize the benefits of quitting outweigh the benefits of getting high. It really is not that hard. But at the same time it is very challenging. It’s quite a conundrum when you’re addicted and don’t know what to do about it. I think I will relapse again but I sure hope I don’t. Ive called up IOP twice and she hasn’t called me back.

In 2011 when I got put on probation I went a year and a half without smoking marijuana. and that broke the vicious cycle of it. Then I didn’t relapse into a habitual smoker again until this summer. Gotta break the cycle. I hope going to rehab (IOP is kinda like a rehab) will break the cycle for me.

When I quit marijuana though in 2011 I replaced it with alcohol. Now I don’t have to worry about the alcohol.

■■■■■■■ substances man… Hard to live without them, impossible to “live” with them.


I’m very happy to hear you are feeling more human!

I don’t drink either and still very much enjoy going to bars,

I’m always surprised by the amount of people not drinking that much.

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Some of the people were pretty obliterated!!! One kid mustve been on something else because he didn’t make any sense whatsoever… Him and my friend were on the same level though and he was only drinking. It wasn’t as crowded as we thought it was gonna be on Halloween but it was still cool we saw some cool bands there was live music like in 3 of the 5 bars we went to. Feels good to be the one telling the story to my friend and not vice-versa. Because I would always make a fool of myself drinking in college. Bars are cool not gonna lie. Just cant have the poison. I had a lemonade and a water and that was it all night.

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I also had a FANTASTIC therapy session yesterday morning. Really thinking I’m making progress on PTSD. I shared my “biggest” trauma which was when I was 11 years old. I always thought my biggest trauma was when I was 19, but when I processed it with my therapist I realized the 11 year old thing had a greater impact on me.

Yeah, bars are pretty fun sober,

And the drunks are a large part of that.

My husband and I went to a local bar for a Halloween party and they were having a burlesque show,

The ladies doing the show asked for a few drunkies to be removed before they started.

I don’t think they were afraid of these dudes trying to touch them or anything,

I think they were just annoyed someone was that drunk at a show.

It was hilarious.

Poor dudes though, it was quite a show…

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Congratz Johnny it sounds like you having a kickass day man

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I would mention another part of my day yesterday but its very personal/private. I pm’d one poster about it but I only trust her judgement… It was seemingly a bad thing at the time, but now I’m realizing all the great benefits of what happened. It has to do with women, bad experience with woman. My standards are much higher now. I used to pull a slim shady and wanna ■■■■ anything that walks. Now I went to the diner and there was an average looking girl and I wasn’t even remotely interested. And an older woman whos past her prime but still decently attractive…nah ill pass now. This is a good thing I believe.