It’s Christmas, a season for happiness and peace and all good things. Well, before I started going out with my fiancé, my previous bf was physically and emotionally abusive. He was homeless because he was so intolerable that his parents kicked him out. He would break me down emotionally every single day we were together. Then he started hitting me. I was scared to leave. Then I met my fiancé and with his help, I was able to kick my abusive ex to the curb. It took me a while to get over the damage he did and put myself back together to be a good partner to my fiancé, but eventually I pulled myself together and healed. Well in October, I got a letter in the mail from my abusive ex. I was scared to open it, but when I did I was surprised. He told me that he joined the military, realized how horrible he’d been to me, and said that for whatever it was worth he wanted to apologize. I don’t know if his apology was genuine or if he just felt obligated to say sorry, but that doesn’t matter. Tonight, I sent him a message on Facebook (so I know he’ll get it) and I basically just told him that even though what he did will never be ok, I forgive him and choose not to hold a grudge. I told him I’m engaged and starting my own business and that I’m happy now despite what he did to me. I told him I’m happy the military is making him a new person and that he’s getting his life back on track. I told him to have a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Whether or not his apology was sincere, I feel like I did the right thing by forgiving him and letting go of all the hatred I had toward him. It felt liberating to let him know that I’m not mad and I’m going to be just fine. My New Years resolution is going to be to have a more forgiving heart, for my sake and for the sake of everyone else in my life. I just wanted to share with you guys because if I can forgive this guy, you guys can be ok too. No matter what you’ve been through or how much it’s hurt you, you will heal. I never thought I’d be strong enough to let go of what he did to me, but if I can be that strong, every single one of you is strong enough to overcome whatever life throws at you. Merry Christmas, guys! I hope your holidays are the happiest you’ve ever had 
Your overall message is positive and good, with this one as the exception which I feel unpleasant. (Sorry, I am just telling my true feeling)
Your ex boyfriend would probably start it back up with the hitting and abuse if he ever had another chance. I think you did the right thing and I wish you all the happiness you can get in life.
I’m glad you were able to find a good man… heal… and congratulations on starting a business.
Very cool…
It’s good to forgive, but not to forget. If a guy ever gets abusive with you again get out of the relationship immediately. I don’t think you will because it sounds like you have a great fiancé.
Yeah, by forgiving him you helped yourself. The point is not to help him. If it helps him than fine. If it doesn’t, who cares.
It seems like the people who were the most hurt are the most forgiving and the people who have been only poked at never get over it.
Kudos to you. I hope this rings in a wonderful new year.
Thanks for the encouraging words everyone trust me, I’ll never make the same mistake again as being with someone like him. Luckily I have a good guy and I’m more than happy to spend the rest of my life with him. He treats me right. And forgiving was hard, but I think forgiveness is an important part of living life to the fullest. If I hold grudges, I’ll just spend my life angry and sad. I’m happy my ex is out of my life forever now
I am a huge fan of forgiveness. Even if they don’t deserve to be forgiven, we deserve to be able to let go of hurt and anger. I forgive pretty much anyone, as long as they show remorse. I still haven’t worked out how to forgive people who don’t feel bad over what they did. Any ideas?
For me forgiveness I heard is a daily thing. For those we have trouble forgiving we have to do it EVERY DAY. It gets easier if we do this. hope this helps.
I mostly think it’s not really their fault. Of course on some extent it is, but it’s like that saying, when we hold a grudge it’s us who drink the poison not them.
No, it was definitely their fault. I wish I could just let them go for peace of mind though. I don’t know what makes me hold onto the hurt feelings. I also feel guilt over not being able to help them, which makes no sense whatsoever.
I have the same problem actually. Can’t really let go of that, it eats me brains. I was hopeful that with some brainstorming we could come up with a solution.
Can’t really forgive everything, or we end up forgiving anything.
Maybe with time the answer will come.
Sometimes, if I try really hard, I can turn the pain into feeling sorry for them because they’re so lost. It doesn’t last though. My friend is an expert at letting things go without putting herself in a position to be hurt again. I don’t know how she does it.
Ask her… and let me know what she says! Some things are not forgivable though…
I can forgive things that were done to me much more easily than things that were done to those I care about. And for some people, like family members, I can forgive them in my actions, but not in my heart. I will still always hate my brother a little bit even though we can talk and get along now.
I don’t know how you do it. I could never forgive your brother. I don’t know him and I can’t forgive him.
Well, I mostly do it for my sister. She is raising his is since he’s a deadbeat, and it makes her life easier if we all get along. I figure if she can play nice, so can I. He was way worse to her.
That is a wonderful story! I’m glad you were able to find happiness.
You’re a very strong person, and so is your sister. I have to go now, talk to you later
