I’m thinking of writing a book called Schizophrenic Musings. It’ll be about my experiences, beliefs, opinions and knowledge I gained as I learned, grew with and overcame my schizophrenia. Topics would be love/fear, belief/knowledge, reality/illusion, science/religion and other things I thought about as my life grew more and more restricted with my mental illness. I am 40 years old now and dont have much to do. It would be even more useful if I had people I could bounce ideas off of since its still in the think stage. If it’s ever finished, it will be published as a free epub…probably on the Smashwords site.
Anyone interested?
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I would love to read it, books about schizophrenia are the only ones I can read for more than 10 minutes without my mind going somewhere else
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Thank you Liv but it’s purely at the think stage now. Would you be willing to collaborate with me on it? I have my perspective on sz now but I have talked with very few szs in my life. I need their perspectives on it for a more complete picture and a more rewarding book. Collaboration would simply mean an exchange of ideas. As an example, I’ll post some questions now on which I would love to hear some answers from you. Feel free to ask your own:
- How do you define fear and love?
- Do you think only your medication helps you deal with sz or do you have a mental approach too?
- What happens inside your head during extreme sz episodes?
- Are you independent or do you rely on others for day to day living?
I look forward to your reply and thank you for your last one.
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I would love to answer any questions you have and if you would like me to go more in depth with anything I can.
• I define love as supporting and being there for someone no matter what, through all the bad times and good times. If you can’t support someone and hold them when things are bad it isn’t love.
• Fear is feeling like your heart has stopped and u can’t move, breathe or think as if you are crumbling into a millions of pieces (that’s kind of how I feel when I feel fear)
• so far medication hasn’t helped my schizophrenia but I have only really started my treatment. The most helpful thing for me so far has been talking to people here who understand what I’m going through it makes me feel less alone.
• When things get extreme the voices control everything I do from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. They are horrible to me, the torture me every day. When I do things that they don’t want me to do I hallucinate me, my mum and my boyfriend being murdered. They tell me to self harm and kill myself and when I do self harm they praise me and lay off a bit until they feel like torturing me again.
• I live with my mum and I completely rely on other to be able to live. I can’t be alone at all anymore incase I hurt myself. I also can’t go anywhere at all really like walk my dog, go to school, go the the shop ect so it truly is a disabling illness. I’m pretty much stuck to my bed most of the time like I can’t really cook anymore because the voices dont want me to and I start hallucinating badly when I try to do anything.
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I would leave that up to the professionals. I did write a book of poems though.
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I am writing about sz from my point of view. The professionals dont have sz usually. I would love to read your poems though. I am not a poet but here are some lyrics I wrote many months ago after my sz broke.
So many questions we will always ask
Finding answers is no easy task
But all you need to know, know, know
Is let it be and let it go
Fear is the thing brains just dont want to face
Tries to keep it in a hidden place
But if you simply cant face that fear
There’s a part of you, you can’t be near
This world is such a difficult place
So many dangers we will have to face
Fighting back or clinging to
Are the things we tend to do
Things are popping in and popping out
Being is what this world is all about
As life flows on, just watch the show
Dont turn away or down you’ll go
So many questions we will always ask
Finding answers is no easy task
But all you need to know, know, know
Is let it be and let it go
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I am uncomfortable sharing my story that will be in a publication.
That’s fine oolaloola. But I wouldnt be referring to you by name or anything. Just referring to ‘another schizophrenic’s’ point of view.
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I understand. You might check with the mods if you can do this. This is a place that protects anonymity. @Ninjastar @anon9798425 I will share more if the mods are fine with it.
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@Vasu_Devan1 we value anonymity on here. If others want to volunteer their stories to you that is fine. If you start using this site as research for you book and pushing people to share things they’re not comfortable with, or start using people’s stories without their consent, we will have to step in.
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@Ninjastar I realize a public forum is not a preferred place to talk of things we may be uncomfortable discussing. Is there any way I can share my email to let them contact me separately? It says I cant put links in when I include my email in posts…
No absolutely not. Please read the forum rules. Contacting members offsite is strictly prohibited.
The rules and guidelines can be found here
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I don’t mind sharing what I experience but there is obviously some things I wouldn’t want to be in a book but I know that reading books help me in my hardest times. There isn’t alot of things out there talking about schizophrenia and how we arent monsters like most people think we are so I think its great what you are doing.
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A true schizophrenia recovery would be if you were active in things rather than just being free of the voices. Having “not much to do” doesn’t sound like a true recovery to me. A good ending to a book from someone who has recovered would be the job you were doing or the marriage you were in. If all you are doing is sitting around wanting to write a book you are more susceptible to the Psych Ward than you think. I remember being in that position at 41 and I relapsed and I can’t say I ever truly recovered. My book I was going to write was “Ravings of a Lunatic” which since has been taken as a title. I quit writing it when I discovered how expensive the self-publishing business was and how at odds the local publishing businesses were to my beliefs at the time. It’s harder than you think.
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I dont want to sell the book. I’m publishing it as a free epub on an Internet site. But I have other hobbies. I’m currently learning how to make 2D animations and 3D models on the computer. This topic will be deleted pretty soon anyway cos it against forum rules apparently. Doesn’t matter. I will still be active in other topics.
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My fear is that I will be too ill to appreciate my children as they grow up. Love to me is finding others who will accept me for who I am.
My medication helps make me stable but I also use relaxing techniques I have been taught over the years to help me when I am bad so that I do not need to be hospitalized.
Inside my head I will see bad things that are violent, voices that tell me to harm myself and severe depression.
I am married with five kids and have a support system I can rely upon. I don’t share my life with everyone. I used to live on my own and worked full time before I got married. I also graduated from college and worked on getting a masters. I am only at home because I am a stay at home mom. Once my kids are older I will work again. So I would say I have had a successful life.
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@Slothlover you said you like reading? What kind of books? I read both fiction and non-fiction but my favorite genres are fantasy and science fiction. Share the names of some books you’ve read. I’ve read Game of Thrones, Wheel of Time, Dune and the entire Discworld series. I like humor a lot in my reading. That’s why Terry Pratchett’s Discworld was wonderful reading. Catherine Jinks’ Reformed Vampire Support Group was another good one. I know where you can get them for free so my book obsession doesn’t cost me anything.
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If you can put the learning to a practical use and stick to your hobbies then you’ll do OK.
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Pretty damn impressive acheivements @anon78876561! I went to UofT for a B.Sc in Computer Science but my problems became too severe in the last year of my program and I had to leave Canada permanently. According to my folks it doesn’t have a good healthcare system for serious problems.
I had an arranged marriage in India but my wife divorced me after a few months because I was, er, unable to perform in the bedroom. We parted on reasonably good terms. She doesn’t contact me anymore but I don’t mind.
I find it amazing that you can be a mom to 5 kids! I really wish I could have been a parent sometimes but I can accept that I’m not. Probably for the best anyway.
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I will be honest it was incredibly difficult to do everything I wanted to do. But I got it done just to prove myself I could do it. Many people advised me to do otherwise but I am stubborn and don’t listen to others. 
I did have to take a year off from school. But I used that time to heal and get back together.
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