Would anyone like to answer some questions?

DX'd - Sz/SzA
1

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I have TONS of questions about what it is like for everyone else with this disorder. I’ll post my answers to the following questions as well.

  1. How old were you at onset?
  2. How many voices do you hear?
    2a. How many have you heard all together?
  3. Are they male or female?
  4. Are they good or bad?
    4a. How bad are the good ones?
    4b. How good are the bad ones?
  5. Do any or all give a name?
  6. How have they caused harm?
  7. Are they ever useful?
  8. Do they whisper, speak or yell?
  9. Do they respond to you or is one way interference?
  10. Do you talk back to them?
    10a. What happens when you do?
  11. Do they come more often in calm or chaos?
    11a. CALM- Do they bring more peace or do they bring chaos?
    11b. CHAOS- Are they more chaotic or are they calming?
  12. Do you react to them in public?
    12a. How do you stop once you start?
  13. Are you able to silence them?
    13a. Are there any mind exercises that help?
    13b. Are there any physical exercises that help?
  14. Do you ever forget or black out under the influence of the voices?
    14a. Do you ever feel unable to control what you are saying or doing?
    14b. Do you have any accompanying mental or physical sensations when the voices come in this manner?
    14c. Do you recall moments during the blackout when you were aware?
    14d. Can you do anything to stop it once it starts?
  15. Does stress make them worse?
    15a. Do they come more frequently/stronger?
    15b. Are the bad ones worse?
    15c. Are good ones more calming?
  16. How badly do your voices affect your everyday life? (times a week/severity of reaction etc)
  17. Does therapy help? How?
  18. Do meds help?
    18a. Do you still hear voices while on meds?
    18b. Have the meds changed the voices
2

My responses:

  1. I was 33 in 2010 when I heard the first audible voice with no one around but me. I was on a walk and a male voice said “Go left.” I wasn’t diagnosed until 2016 because I didn’t want anyone to know.
  2. So many. Too many to count. They just come one after another. There are a few that are repeat customers but for the most part I learn how to block one out and it either changes and comes back or geez who even knows? All I know is that it doesn’t seem the same. Everytime seems like a different new experience so I say I hear many because that is what it seems like to me.
  3. They are male and female. Mostly male and very few female.
  4. Mine are mostly good. I never heard a bad voice until 2016 at which point I voluntarily checked myself in for some help but until then and even after all I hear are good kind voices which I’ve read is common among indigenous peoples but not Americans. So I am grateful that my disorder manifested in the manner in which it did.
    4a. The good ones don’t seem to lead me astray with bad intentions. I’ve followed my good voices a few times and had nothing but positive results.
    4b. The bad ones are bad. I followed them ONE TIME in 2016 and ended up in the hospital with this dreadful diagnosis. You’d think I’d learn to just ignore them but they make me laugh and humor is always what draws me to new humans so I guess it works that way with the voices sometimes too.
  5. Some have given names. The gentleman that led me astray introduced himself as “Luc” as in Lucifer so there’s that.
  6. He convinced me that my husband touched our daughter and I blacked out and punched him in the mouth. I ended up homeless because the police filed a protection order keeping me away from the only family I have for 9 months. I also ended up on probation which kept me from smoking pot which has always quieted the voices for me specifically. I don’t know about the rest of you.
  7. The good ones taught me how to keep them from interfering so severely. It wasn’t me telling me to breath and meditate to center myself.
  8. They do all of the above. Whatever they can do to get my attention and get me to respond.
  9. There has been so many I couldn’t give you a precise count of which ones were or were not one way but I would say a rough estimate is 80% of them I am able to banish with minimal amounts of mental energy. Another 10% are a little harder. The other 10% are the worst and I end up reacting physically (mostly just vocally).
  10. I have and do talk back to them at times but not usually on purpose. I have miniature bouts with them over the use of my body but regain control quickly. Most of the time whatever comes out of my mouth is just gibberish to anyone who may have been nearby and I just tell them I was talking to myself.
  11. They come all the time.
    11a. They are usually calm if I am calm.
    11b. They get worked up when I do
  12. I have reacted to them in public many times with the worst being when I ran down the street in front of our capital building screaming about who knows what and almost got arrested and they took my pot so that didn’t help me any.
    12a. I lick a tooth. When my tongue wants to get out of control I press it to a tooth as hard as I can. Then I focus all my attention on my physical surroundings. My hands my tongue on my teeth. I open and close my eyes and touch something to reassure my mind that this is me, not whatever else is in here with me. That usually ends it. I didn’t used to have so much graceful control over these monsters but I do now thank God.
  13. I don’t take meds because my sister was schizophrenic as a child and never took meds and learned how to block hers out so I figured out how to do the same.
    13a. I sing “close your eyes, open your hand oh darling, I can feel your heart beating. Do you understand.” As I close my eyes and open my hands, picture my heart beating and reassure myself that yes, I do understand that this is a hostile take over and they can’t have me!
    13b. Just forcing myself to physically acknowledge that MY surroundings are MY surroundings. This is MY brain, My vessel, MY turn at the wheel!
  14. I have blacked out a few times but it was always under moments of extreme stress.
    14a. I am usually able to sense when things are about to turn sour and take my meds for a day or so until I get past it.
    14b. I get a lot of anxiety and sometimes got a comforting or uncomfortable sensation depending on the intensity of the voice.
    14c. There were a few times during the black out that I was aware but I spent weeks on and off, in and out and that was on meds. I don’t take anything but the pot and it is just the same as it was for the first six years so I’m not really sure what happened there but I seem to have made it past the worst.
    14d. I ended up on the ground and almost got ran over by a car because I was yanked backward into the street after trying to regain control. I literally felt my arm be grasped around my wrist and yanked backward. I didn’t really try to stop it after that.
  15. Stress definitely makes them worse.
    15a. They come more frequently with more intensity.
    15b. The bad ones aren’t necessarily worse, but they certainly aren’t better.
    15c. The good ones are more calming and help me get through the worst parts.
  16. The worst thing they make me do these days is hum. Rather than talk to them I am busy licking teeth so the strongest make me hum along to the words they wish me to speak or something. This happens on a daily basis, usually at work because my coworker and I are not morning people and don’t really start talking until later in the day which leaves silence which the voices love.
  17. I do not go to therapy. I learned to do this on my own. Talking to someone who doesn’t know what it is like to be me about me is not my cup of tea.
  18. Sometimes meds help but there are so many and I have had the wrong ones twice now that ended up with me being hospitalized again one of those times so no, I usually don’t take them.
3

I had schizoaffective disorder since my teens (I’m nearly 35)
Two main voices one male and evil (Alien) and one female and good (Sarah)
Meds help a lot so don’t hear voices often maybe several times a month
Get voices for about an hour or so and then they stop.

4

This looks way too much like decision tree type stuff. This is someone doing research at your own discression. Taking the survey might even help someone. My 2 cents

5

I’m writing here to briefly describe my experience to see if anyone has had anything similar. I’ve
never read of a similar experience so any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

It all started when I thought the people upstairs were talking about me smoking on the balcony.
Soon those voices followed me to my job and spoke to me there. Soon i could also hear people in my office talking to me and to each other (even though they weren’t). Other voices also
started to appear to be coming from the a/c//heat units in my apt. And over a short period of time these voices became characters in a virtual, game-like world that overlapped the real
one. My interactions became one of conflict, like battles where i was able to create objects or soldiers to fight against innumerable forces that would attack me. One example of a non fighting situation was where i created a team of specialists that would live in the lobby of my
building, but could be called upon to remove bugs (listening devices) from my
apartment put there by outside forces. It was a constant cat and mouse game.
Also in this virtual/game world I had assassins come after me as well as
ghosts and i could sense where they were along with other characters. I could not see them with my eyes open (except for one time with the ghosts thru a glass door) but i could see where
they were in my mind and feel them if they were close.

Also to mention, one time I had a magic eye like affect looking into a computer
screen where I could see moving video of me traveling in a boat going down a
river in a jungle. Another visual hallucination i had appeared as a portal in the ceiling of my bedroom where i could control where i went, and where i went was a place with many crumbling
stone block buildings (i thought it was hell, though i saw no lava).

At one point, some of the characters said i “beat the game” and would be let go from it.
This was a relief as they had made me repeat many many times that “this is real”. However their
attempt to kill me and therefore release me from the game was unsuccessful, and
instead i ended up with unlimited powers. I would still be attacked, along with some friends i had made (who i defend to this day) but I became only limited my my imagination to create ways,
objects, technology… ect to fight them with. However, this power gives me limited ability to actually stop hearing voices. This parallel world remains persistent and is one in which i live on a daily basis, in addition to the reality we all know.

As a result of these powers, if i think about something it usually happens which can be very bad, so most the time when I’m “logged into this world” i picture myself on the moon, far away from anything i can destroy as possible.

Just to recap a few of the characters: Secret Ops communication guys, co-workers, neighbors, parents, Orbs, God, the Lucifer, ordinary people in large groups, people with special powers, Monsters (with portals to this world), assassins with laser guns, Ghosts (i would feel chills while walking over/thru them), Aliens (Zetas and Betas), Computers (that talk), police… just to name a
few. Also, the “world” contains heaven and hell, the earth, outer space and everything it contains. There’s even a way to die, go to hell, make your way to heaven, and come back to earth.

I’ve been on medication for over a year now which makes things easier,

6

I think this is research.

We have protocol for research. You’ll need to PM a Moderator ( @Ninjastar , @anon9798425 , @Moonbeam , @Rhubot ).

7

You should take medication regulary, even after the voices ceased.

8

That’s only for undiagnosed people looking for clinical research. This is just a fellow sz asking questions. That’s fine here.

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13

@Annie2012. You posted this same long list of questions back in November.

This is a rather overwhelming (and possibly intrusive) list of questions to post as a relatively new poster with very few posts to-date.

I’d like to recommend that you spend some time interacting on the forum instead of posting these lengthy questionnaires.

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26

I need answers and asking questions is the best way to get those answers. I have read many, MANY posts and have a hard time sifting through all the randomness to find the answers to these questions.

I know that I postedthis before but I didnt get very many responses and I am just trying to find the best way to live my best life considering my diagnosis.

I understand that I’m a new poster relatively but that doesn’t mean that I am any less deserving of having others help me in this just like everyone else on this forum.

I understand considering my own diagnosis why everyone is so skeptical but I’m just trying to be better like everyone else.

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27

Have you had any symptoms of that were real and not sz. related like being followed by cars and really being followed?

28

No. I don’t think so. I’m not that observant of my surroundings.

29

That’s way too many questions at once. I have visuals and hear them too more than just voices. But my meds control my hallucinations. When I get psychotic I black out but that’s due to psychosis. Not just voices.

Psychosis is much more than just delusions, paranoia and hallucinations. You won’t read about it in any of the literature. Its referred to as active psychosis.

It’s an experience I have had much more than once.

30

Why do you need so many details. Do you work for the government. This is our place to talk. I doubt you’re sz. You are researching us and reporting to others. Leave us alone!
@Ninjastar @Rhubot

31

I would have settled for a handful of questions but I do think asking questions can be helpful. When I first found out I had the disorder my favorite thing was to search out blogs of other people with sz to see what they had been through and what the deal is with their voices. The more commonalities I found the more comfortable I felt that I had a treatable illness and that this was not unique to me.

My illness started halfway through age 30, which was late 2015. I had a lot of paranoia and strong delusions in addition to the voices. After three years the delusions had gone and so had the paranoia. The voices are still with me and I have a nice female one, and a mean male one. The nice one is much more common than the male one. I hear from the female one almost daily and the male one maybe two or three times a month.

They used to say all kinds of crazy things to lead me on deeper into my delusions. Now that I’m not delusional they keep it to simple sentences. I don’t spend too much time listening to them. I get “I love you” sometimes repeated. It’s usually not something bad, if it is I get stressed.

The nice voice will turn evil every now and then and say stuff so scary it used to send me into episodes. This is rare but still happens, I ignore it when it happens and the next day it’s nice again. Maybe my disorder is easier because the voice isn’t usually mean, but I’d rather it be totally gone. I can answer questions if you have any.

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33

@CoCo Please calm down, it’s okay. @Annie2012 is not a government agent. If she were, she wouldn’t be so obvious about it. There are many subtle ways of gathering information on people, but this is most certainly not one of them.

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34

I work for the government.

I am harmless. I think the government gave me schizophrenia. They paid me disability and now they gave me a job.

I am semi greatfull. Still bitter about the schizophrenia but happy to get a second chance.

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35

No. I’m researching for myself. Didnt you read my answers? I don’t need to be told I’m not sick. That’s just plain rude to go about accusing people of not being sick.

Maybe YOU’RE not.

36

It is definitely easier to handle with positive voices. I have many and they are all mostly kind but I do get bad ones about once or twice a month

37

Okay, the comment wasn’t “rude” per se. It was paranoid and delusional. @CoCo is not doing very well at the moment – she is stressed and psychotic and paranoid about government agents following her around. You’re schizophrenic too. You’ve been there, yes? And though there was nothing inherently wrong with your post, it did kinda sound like you were playing 20 questions with us as opposed to asking for our personal stories.

note: I am not attacking you, I am just attempting to remedy a misunderstanding and explain why people are suspicious of you. I hope you are able to find your place here. It’s a really nice community if you give it a chance. :hugs:

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