Twenty questions

There are actually only 18 questions. the rest were my answers. Here are just the questions:

First let me say that I hear voices. I will answer this list at the end. I just have tons of questions for others like me. I don’t want to overwhelm you so I’ll start with these and we’ll go from there.

  1. How old were you at onset?
  2. How many voices do you hear?
    2a. How many have you heard all together?
  3. Are they male or female?
  4. Are they good or bad?
    4a. How bad are the good ones?
    4b. How good are the bad ones?
  5. Do any or all give a name?
  6. How have they caused harm?
  7. Are they ever useful?
  8. Do they whisper, speak or yell?
  9. Do they respond to you or is one way interference?
  10. Do you talk back to them?
    10a. What happens when you do?
  11. Do they come more often in calm or chaos?
    11a. CALM- Do they bring more peace or do they bring chaos?
    11b. CHAOS- Are they more chaotic or are they calming?
  12. Do you react to them in public?
    12a. How do you stop once you start?
  13. Are you able to silence them?
    13a. Are there any mind exercises that help?
    13b. Are there any physical exercises that help?
  14. Do you ever forget or black out under the influence of the voices?
    14a. Do you ever feel unable to control what you are saying or doing?
    14b. Do you have any accompanying mental or physical sensations when the voices come in this manner?
    14c. Do you recall moments during the blackout when you were aware?
    14d. Can you do anything to stop it once it starts?
  15. Does stress make them worse?
    15a. Do they come more frequently/stronger?
    15b. Are the bad ones worse?
    15c. Are good ones more calming?
  16. How badly do your voices affect your everyday life? (times a week/severity of reaction etc)
  17. Does therapy help? How?
  18. Do meds help?
    18a. Do you still hear voices while on meds?
    18b. Have the meds changed your voices?

Here are my answers.

  1. I was 33 in 2010 when I heard the first audible voice with no one around but me. I was on a walk and a male voice said “Go left.” I wasn’t diagnosed until 2016 because I didn’t want anyone to know.
  2. So many. Too many to count. They just come one after another. There are a few that are repeat customers but for the most part I learn how to block one out and it either changes and comes back or geez who even knows? All I know is that it doesn’t seem the same. Everytime seems like a different new experience so I say I hear many because that is what it seems like to me.
  3. They are male and female. Mostly male and very few female.
  4. Mine are mostly good. I never heard a bad voice until 2016 at which point I voluntarily checked myself in for some help but until then and even after all I hear are good kind voices which I’ve read is common among indigenous peoples but not Americans. So I am grateful that my disorder manifested in the manner in which it did.
    4a. The good ones don’t seem to lead me astray with bad intentions. I’ve followed my good voices a few times and had nothing but positive results.
    4b. The bad ones are bad. I followed them ONE TIME in 2016 and ended up in the hospital with this dreadful diagnosis. You’d think I’d learn to just ignore them but they make me laugh and humor is always what draws me to new humans so I guess it works that way with the voices sometimes too.
  5. Some have given names. The gentleman that led me astray introduced himself as “Luc” as in Lucifer so there’s that.
  6. He convinced me that my husband touched our daughter and I blacked out and punched him in the mouth. I ended up homeless because the police filed a protection order keeping me away from the only family I have for 9 months. I also ended up on probation which kept me from smoking pot which has always quieted the voices for me specifically. I don’t know about the rest of you.
  7. The good ones taught me how to keep them from interfering so severely. It wasn’t me telling me to breath and meditate to center myself.
  8. They do all of the above. Whatever they can do to get my attention and get me to respond.
  9. There has been so many I couldn’t give you a precise count of which ones were or were not one way but I would say a rough estimate is 80% of them I am able to banish with minimal amounts of mental energy. Another 10% are a little harder. The other 10% are the worst and I end up reacting physically (mostly just vocally).
  10. I have and do talk back to them at times but not usually on purpose. I have miniature bouts with them over the use of my body but regain control quickly. Most of the time whatever comes out of my mouth is just gibberish to anyone who may have been nearby and I just tell them I was talking to myself.
  11. They come all the time.
    11a. They are usually calm if I am calm.
    11b. They get worked up when I do
  12. I have reacted to them in public many times with the worst being when I ran down the street in front of our capital building screaming about who knows what and almost got arrested and they took my pot so that didn’t help me any.
    12a. I lick a tooth. When my tongue wants to get out of control I press it to a tooth as hard as I can. Then I focus all my attention on my physical surroundings. My hands my tongue on my teeth. I open and close my eyes and touch something to reassure my mind that this is me, not whatever else is in here with me. That usually ends it. I didn’t used to have so much graceful control over these monsters but I do now thank God.
  13. I don’t take meds because my sister was schizophrenic as a child and never took meds and learned how to block hers out so I figured out how to do the same.
    13a. I sing “close your eyes, open your hand oh darling, I can feel your heart beating. Do you understand.” As I close my eyes and open my hands, picture my heart beating and reassure myself that yes, I do understand that this is a hostile take over and they can’t have me!
    13b. Just forcing myself to physically acknowledge that MY surroundings are MY surroundings. This is MY brain, My vessel, MY turn at the wheel!
  14. I have blacked out a few times but it was always under moments of extreme stress.
    14a. I am usually able to sense when things are about to turn sour and take my meds for a day or so until I get past it.
    14b. I get a lot of anxiety and sometimes got a comforting or uncomfortable sensation depending on the intensity of the voice.
    14c. There were a few times during the black out that I was aware but I spent weeks on and off, in and out and that was on meds. I don’t take anything but the pot and it is just the same as it was for the first six years so I’m not really sure what happened there but I seem to have made it past the worst.
    14d. I ended up on the ground and almost got ran over by a car because I was yanked backward into the street after trying to regain control. I literally felt my arm be grasped around my wrist and yanked backward. I didn’t really try to stop it after that.
  15. Stress definitely makes them worse.
    15a. They come more frequently with more intensity.
    15b. The bad ones aren’t necessarily worse, but they certainly aren’t better.
    15c. The good ones are more calming and help me get through the worst parts.
  16. The worst thing they make me do these days is hum. Rather than talk to them I am busy licking teeth so the strongest make me hum along to the words they wish me to speak or something. This happens on a daily basis, usually at work because my coworker and I are not morning people and don’t really start talking until later in the day which leaves silence which the voices love.
  17. I do not go to therapy. I learned to do this on my own. Talking to someone who doesn’t know what it is like to be me about me is not my cup of tea.
  18. Sometimes meds help but there are so many and I have had the wrong ones twice now that ended up with me being hospitalized again one of those times so no, I usually don’t take them.

I was 18
I just thought people were talking about me, knew everything I was doing
I heard whispers, they were groups both male and female
With my meds it stopped, but ocassianally I feel like the people next to me are talking about me, on a train or bus etc
Stress makes it worse
Therapy helps sometimes

you brought this back!

For me, voices were a young girl crying, and many other screaming, laughing, insulting. Didn’t have many good.

I found after I ate a meal, they would calm down.

Yeah, meds have helped a great deal, but still get breakthrough hallucinations at times.

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