We look for positive changes or good impact due to illness most of the time.
Wat about bad things or worse things. Moments you felt it cannot be and it is surreal to experience such things.
For me I emailed million times and even went in search for my ex though I am married and have kid that too I did that when my wife was pregnant due to mania. I quit job without any valid reason and went roaming for ex. I am able to forgive myself but it’s earth shattering experience that even bad guys IRL would not have done that…
For me it translated into giving heaps of money to strangers and wandering aimlessly (could have been fined 1k times for jaywalking, or run over by cars).
Of course I lost my job too, and years of life and potential achievements to this illness.
But dwelling on it won’t change anything.
I’ve stopped rehashing the past.
Yeah it happend to me too… I was just walking. I had over 100k steps a day sometimes.
Worse I lost was my health, my self respect and respect of others.
Yep, yep, yep. I was just barely hanging on to my self respect before I got sick and I’m not too sure I was as respected by others as I thought. But schizophrenia removed all doubt and even though my roommate says he respects me that’s not a popular opinion I fear.
I can think of a ton of negative things but that wont change anything. I dont measure my experiences against the others, I just wish I could correct some of the mistakes Ive made and I believe if I didnt have schizophrenia or the experience of the negative aspects of it they wouldnt have happened. Years of my life spent without distress and confusion. Still I love life and am grateful to experience it, and Im grateful for the people who attempted to be compassionate or who truly understand me. Living with an invisible illness is the hard part because you cant explain your behavior to others during an episode but you can when you’re well/some of us can.
I wish I could do that as well. I just wish to have the hope It is possible to do that, to correct past mistakes.
I have a tereble feeling of shame and guilt, that brings anxiety and fear.
Mistakes has been the theme of my life. Now everyone have their own life and issues around me and least care about me as I am prone to fault.
Now I am trying to come back or be alive to live my life if someone pokes me or reminds me of past I say ■■■■ off and mind your business may it be anyone.
My friends left me. Moved 10,000 miles away. Got rare disease that destroys my body. Loses contact with people. Completely isolated. Family criticizes me. I’m just waiting for the universe to kill me.
i think worst thing loose my permanent residency at australia.i m in big regret for this.everything was ok (my job my career my unit my wife ) except me and i loose everything.big regret.now im in biggest …ithole
I hid my voices for 20 yrs from family making them think i had extremely bad anxiety. Then when i was 40 my brother hit me and dragged me with his car as my skull cracked and multiple other injuries leaving me to die. Rushed to hospital with bleeding in brain.long story short told family about voices then went into psychosis was pccused of doing drugs so did drug test proved my point im schizoaffective and not hiding any of it any more
Been minor sexually assaulted 6 times, took me about 10 years to accept the diagnosis, and med changes had me looking crazy. Had a decent childhood, don’t know where these incidents happened but I blame it on the sz.
I lost almost all of my friends,
I was obsessed with my friend and I was going to his house and asking to live here. Even he never wanted me to live with him (was fully psychotic), so I ended up in hospital because I was actually very unstable and uncontrollable.
Also I was posting many vids on facebook… themes were like: “police is horrible”, “someone is trying to kill me”, “I control all of your thoughts” and etc.