This was inspired by another thread I saw. I was in a very good place when I got ill, I was looking good, doing exercises, getting great grades and had good friends.
Since I didn’t know I was ill, I said and did some awful things to people. Things I’m not sure if I can ever take back. I’m pretty sure people thought I was more than weird and I don’t know if I can ever really change that perception and erase those memories. I still have that regret with me and the pain of what I went through is still there. Does anyone else feel like they are still haunted by memories of their illness?
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Yes. But also of the triumphs that you self actualize after coming to terms with your illness. There are people that want to take advantage of someone who “hears voices”. I’ve iced quite a few people trying to manipulate me into a relationship. Those things I walk away from? True success stories.
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I think this happens with a lot of schizophrenics. I felt my family was out to get me and said horrible things to them in psychosis. Out of psychosis I am well behaved, I just don’t think back on it much. I treat it all like it’s in the rear view mirror. There are so many points and decisions in my life I could wish would have been different, it is too burdensome to focus on. Gotta move forward. I know my family forgives me and understands I have an illness.
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