Schizophrenia for me is like a whole other mind that is aware of not only my conciousness but my subconcious as well. Hes omnicient and has the deepest feelings of hate towards me. Whatever he wants me to think or feel, i think or feel that.
I literally said to myself a while ago that schizophrenia is the best thing that ever happened to me because it showed me what i was doing wrong. No i was wrong, schizophrenia is obviously the worst thing. I dont even know when it is me in the drivers seat or if schizophrenia is. What i do know is that i dont know what reality is supposed to be anymore and i â– â– â– â– â– â– â– hate schizophrenia.
I think this illness makes us wiser. I know things now I never used too, and I have become a more accepting person.
Sure it’s not a nice thing to experience losing your mind, but there is peace the other side if you’re lucky enough to find a good med that works for you.
It’s a life lesson and an experience that only 1% of the population really understands, and I believe strongly that it can shape you to be better if you can put it to one side and not let it defeat you.
I have had so many set backs and had to start again from scratch each time. What I have now I am really grateful for and it’s hard fought.
You really have to live the best life you can, and whatever happens you can only do your best to see it through, and there is no shame in that.
I like what you said there. Its funny you mentioned about becoming wiser. In the first few months of the dx i was in the car with my sister and randomly said “i think sz will make me very wise, or completely mad”. I guess med compliancy and whether or not you can fight off the storm dictates whether you go wise or go mad.