I’ve been recovering from Sz for over two decades. The first couple of years after being diagnosed were horrible. In and out of hospitals. Med after med that didn’t work, barely worked, or has such horrible side-effects that I was incapacitated. Even worse, I had several doctors in a row who told me I was so severely ill that I was never getting better. I repeat, never getting better. The best I could ever hope for was that, “they could make me somewhat comfortable.”
No school.
No job.
No family.
No life.
That’s what I was promised.
But here’s the thing: I had joined AA just prior to my cheese sliding off my cracker and I had picked up a hella good sponsor. The ornery ■■■■■■■ stuck by my side when my own doctors didn’t. There’s a passage in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that reads, “there are those too with grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.” Well, Ed was of the old time “the Big Book says it, I believe it, and that settles it” school of thought. So he literally forced me to apply AA principals to my Sz.
And it worked. Slow as hell, but it worked. That’s not to say I just turned my Sz over to a Higher Power and got better, because that’s BS. I kept taking meds, but I would stick with them until I acclimatized to the side-effects and they started working for me. My head started to untwist itself. I developed a positive attitude about recovery. I started going out for walks and having hobbies again, not just watching TV. I forced myself to fix my hygiene, read books, volunteer and meet people.
Eventually someone offered me a part-time job based on my computer hobby. It turned into a full-time job. Then a career for a while (although I never was in love with it).
I know a lot of people here think I’m amazing because I work and do a lot of volunteer work. That’s not amazing, that’s just dumb luck. The dumb luck is that someone believed in me back when my own doctors didn’t and was kind enough to teach me to believe in myself. That belief that recovery was possible has carried me past all kinds of crap for the past twenty years. It has kept me (mostly) med compliant and recovery-centric. I attribute the best parts of my recovery to Ed and his “never say die” attitude.
The best advice I can give to others here is this: Just ■■■■■■■ go for it. You’re going to crash and burn often, but that’s okay. Just pick yourself up each time you fall and go for it that much harder.
PIxel.