Wondering if I'm slipping back into an episode

I’ve had full blown psychosis on and off since I was 11, with my longest episode lasting 3 yrs, I am 25 now. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder due to also having mania and depression. I noticed in retrospect that just before I started having hallucinations and delusions at 11, I was feeling like everyone in my grade was out to backstab me and find info on me to gossip. I had no evidence to even think so, but I couldn’t shake the thought and ended up graduating elementary school with no friends whereas prior to that I was quite outgoing. I’ve had an incredibly stressful year- I’ve been sexually harassed, had a family member die, was assaulted by a loved one, my close cousin is in a domestic abuse situation, and now my mom has cancer. I’ve been noticing that I can’t shake the thought of imminent danger or betrayal coming my way again and it feels like that time when I was 10, it gives me the same sense of constant unease and i keep having so many thoughts and questions and memories that pop up as “evidence”. I’ve tried to use every period of sanity to try to recognize the thoughts and feelings that led up to the psychosis bc it makes me feel so ashamed of myself. Am I just stressed? Will this pass when I move out soon? Will this just go away by itself?

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Welcome to the forum!

I’m sorry that you have had a rough year.

It has been my experience that paranoia comes with the territory most of the time with psychotic disorders. This is the first symptom I start to notice coming back if I try to reduce meds too much.

Thinking people are talking about you behind your back or are betraying you and the like sounds like a bit of paranoia.

And yes, stress can bring out symptoms.

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Welcome to the forum! Glad you found us!

That all sounds awful. The more stressed I am, the more positive symptoms I have. It’s hard to deal with all you’re going through and not be super stressed. I really feel for you. I think you’ll find this forum to be very supportive.

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I just don’t want it to progress into more. But I also don’t want to bother anyone and make a big deal out of nothing if it passes by settling in at the new place. Is it even worth talking to my psych about it this soon? What if it’s nothing?

It doesnt hurt to tell your psychiatrist about it. Better not to keep secrets about your symptoms from them. So what if it’s nothing? It wont do any harm. I think at worst, they might want to increase meds or something.

I don’t think there is any harm in telling your psychiatrist.

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What helps me is to realize that I have an illness that affects my ability to interpret reality. That means that I may see things that aren’t there or believe in things that are illogical, but that none of those things are objectively true or grounded in reality. Don’t believe every thought that goes through your head. You’ll be okay.

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Thank you :). It’s just so exhausting constantly doing reality tests. Sometimes I try to reason with myself at first by comparing how life was like when I wasn’t… experiencing things that nobody else seems to. It’s just hard because my ill-reasoning works overtime a lot more than my more rational thinking. And then I go on meds, tell myself wow I’m risking so and so side effect for THIS reality… But yes, I will try that out. Just reminding myself that I have this and at the very least I have accepted and am aware that this is part of who I am.

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Thank you to all who welcomed me to the forum. There’s a surprising amount of resources that I had no idea even existed. I’m the only one I know in all of my 25 yrs that has a schizo-type mental illness, so I’ve felt very very alone in this for so long. I’m really happy I discovered this forum!

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Welcome to the forum! :slightly_smiling_face:
May I ask what meds do you take?

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I just wanted to say hello and welcome!

I honestly don’t know if you’re slipping or not. If you’re concerned that you are, express this to a doctor and also to your support network so they are prepared. Hopefully a doctor can help you prevent a relapse.

Welcome to the community.

I’m supposed to be taking abilify and lamictal. I used to take prozac for compulsions I’d call ocd habits. I was taken off of it after a manic episode. Skin picking and what not has returned as a result but I am trying coping skills from therapy. I am honestly just trying my best ;-;