If so how do you cope with that ?
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Well that has happened to me (I had tactile hallucinations). It was the worst experience of my life. I had no insight at the time either so I thought I was under demonic attack. I got ptsd from it all and it changed me completely for the worse. Can’t stand touch anymore. Can’t be in a relationship anymore. Etc. Wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone.
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I don’t think guys are really outside the realm of this happening.
Just the other night I was wondering why junk was insatiably twanging though I was unaroused and incapable of really pulling off getting erect. I like it better when that just happens on it’s own based on my thinking or recent life experience.
Then I really just identified it as being an aspect of my psychosis and chemical state. I’ve had a lot of confusion regarding my dad and now I live with the guy. Kind of really woke up some old discomforting aspects of psychosis. I lacked a positive role model to explain a bunch of the stuff I deal with being a dude… I mean that was more open. My mom has had a lot of considerably slanderous things to say about the man. She bred distrust for the man into her kids. Can’t blame her I guess… but the rift left me alone to sort out my ■■■■on my own… and sexuality issues were a major part of issues of identity in my psychological breaking down.
Anyways… the voice I call darth vader was giving me ■■■■for making light of my off and on habitual use of pronography. Not to discredit the practice, but to use my latent guilt against me just to breed discomfort and fear and hopefully a chance I’d submit to it’s whims of being coming truly horrendously bad for myself and basically trapping me in what is hell on earth. Runaway self-medication that is just digging a whole from me ever being able to respect myself to the point that I am truly above empowering psychosis in my mental state… Cause neither it, nor god, nor the devil have ■■■■on me… I simply don’t do anything wrong… type based mentality/lifestyle.
Anyways the ■■■■started to stroke my impotence while repeating the word “porno”… “porno”… “PORNO.” It was a forced sexual experience… not attributable to anything but aspects of the self… but that’s what psychosis by definition is… wholly involuntary. And while I have friends that would still prompt me to question whether or not it’s my fault that it’s happening like some ironic joke… I do know that I have been thoroughly medically evaluated and am diagnosed with a legitmate case of psychosis. From their my friends are just insensitive and unforgiving.
So yeah… it’s not just an issue for women. I feel bad for guys and girls all the same. It’s on my mind at least once everyday… the horrible effects of rape on the human being and the long and ever-growing list of those I know who have been hit by it.
The worst ones are the ones who reciprocate the act and try to justify it as a valid and undying aspect of human life… that try to breed commonality by force instead of valuing the innocence of others vicariously and being thankful that not everyone has to know the hell some ■■■■■■■put them in.
Complicated crap…
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I really dislike women who feed the abhorrent nature of what has by and large been justified as the “natural way men perceive sex and women.” A lot of those girls are making love to their demons… They’re sealing the coffin for other’s fates to be the same as their just by allowing men to think that way.
Perhaps it is just that way inside for some guys… but I know a whole helluva lot who aren’t that shallow…
It’s better to make love to a person than it is to just use a body… at least for me… but I know some people just aren’t that inclined to place faith in romance… to selfish and want to hold out for the next best bidder and all that.
A quote from my mom. “Isn’t it just sad the things we [women] value.”
She’s been in a real rebellious streak over the last couple years. Even my mother isn’t against stirring up my ainx and confusion and shite sense of placement in the world… What a wonderland it is.
At least my dad is just chill. He really is just a simple guy… He likes putting the stressors off his mind by devloping a plan and keeping himself organized and commited to seeing it throutgh…once he has the emotional disparity is easier for him to put out of his head. That’s the man’s approach… he’s also willing to accept a drop in standard of living if that’s what it takes because he can’t find his way forward. Also the man’s approach.
My mother is an idealist… Has had the dream a perfect life in her future since birth… girl’s are princesses syndrome…
So every threat to that not coming together in the most abstract and greandiose sense is a seemingly life threatening occurance… so she does the opposite and keeps the emotional issues front and center until someone shows her enough patience that she can feel trust most assuredly again… woman’s approach…
I know that sounds stereotpyical… but those are the stereotypical characters I grew up under. Real world experiences as only justified that prejudice is invalid and not worth paying attention to and an embarassingly foolish and short sighted thing to live by.
The central stage of a human’s experience is not that known by feeling one’s feet on the ground… it’s the one found when you look up and realize that all that matter in the world are people. The earth is here… but it’s actually humanity you reside within.
No. for me the real thing was terrible, and I’ve done super good blocking all of that out of my thinking. I think sometimes hallucinations can feed off of your subconscious. So I just have a brick wall around my traumas and they don’t come up. It’s odd I haven’t experinced this though since I often have tactile/visual hallucinations and a dirty mind.
For me the fear lies not in the rape but in being forced into perversion. I used to have sexual thoughts in which I was the rapist or the agressor or whatever. My greatest fear was being sexually aroused by perverted ideas, like gore, having sex with family members deformed creatures etc. as a guy once I was over a certain age I was never afraid of being sexually abused. I always had an intense fear of losing control of or determination of my sexuality. Schizophrenia stripped me of my ability to decide what turned me on, so in a way I felt as if I was being raped and shamefully enjoying it.
It makes sense that women would feel danger at the prospect of losing control of their sexuality whether it is through being raped or becoming the rapist. Sexual delusion or hallucination events can be truly traumatic.
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I am a guy as well and I have images or horrible thoughts/hallucinations of people, usually men, groping me/raping me, attacking me, but it happens with girls too, whenever they get too close to me, I start shivering and I have to blank my mind so I don’t get images.
I’m pretty sure I was raped as a child, as my family and friends have mentioned something is going on, and given all of the proof I have, it’s still not enough and it just can’t be so. For some reason, I still have a feeling deep down I was raped, which explains my fear of my father and a lot of things, and that’s why my hallucinations started. Whenever my brain discovers something I’m scared of I hallucinate it.
We’ll never know for sure what happened to me as a child, since I have lots of delusions I can never be sure of myself. Even though this one feels real.
Sorry that your peace in knowing what happened isn’t going to come to you…
Don’t underestimate the power of what is just purely paranoia… it might be that your imagination is just that close to real that you can’t help but fear it… and that fear creates an obsession… and that obsession over time starts becoming considered a more permanent disorder.
I hope that the storm clouds start breaking up for you on this one… that’s a horribly grotesque thing to be stuck under.
You aren’t alone though. I keep meeting more people who have had those experiences and it sucks because it sounds dangerous… to casualize pedophilia should not be taken as a sign of condoning it… it’s just the unfortunate thing that I’ve seen the ones who fair better with trauma have done.
Those things just happen… they happen a lot. They shouldn’t happen… but if your not behind it happening to others then you don’t have to feel guilty or even frustrated that happens. Just by not doing so you’re a priceless member of society… just like the many many others who stand against that happening.
Let peace and happiness set in when it does… let yourself get comfortable.
Maybe I’m being to overbearing… you probably have sorted a lot of how to cope out for yourself.
I had a story… lol mind’s shoddy today and I forgot it.
Oh it’s like when I was going through psychosis and I kept having fears of transexuality or transgendered thinking… intrusive thoughts about entertaining being a woman or getting the operation and what that would be like.
I was quite obviously just confused… Someone here ran it by me that castration is a very common fear among men. I was actually misinterpretting that fear within me to be in line with what I thought were transexual elements of the self… However… I really was just very afraid I had loose ideas about things that were distorting my sense of what my life was about… All of that was just purely paranoia… and delusionally thinking I could understand something that I can’t. It’s not my place to consider the internal experiences of transgendered individuals… I’m not one and that is too complicated a difference for empathy to fill in all the blanks.
… don’t so much care about that. I have a tendency to get along with everyone and that’s all that really matters to me.
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I am trans myself, I didn’t know people had these sorts of fears! Interesting to hear. Thank you for your kind words and comfort. I am talking with some others on here and I’m learning to let it go, and if something DID happen to me, I will confront that, but for now, I can only focus on what’s happening in the day.
Also, this is weird but sometimes I have delusions I’m turning back into a girl (FTM), and it’s a really weird experience since I have such a hard time accepting myself. I don’t know how to explain who it feels to be trans, just really horrible haha. But I do kind of understand your paranoia, albeit not the same as you. What helps me is thinking about guy stuff, or watching some games or telling myself good things, reminding myself that I’m who I am. Best of luck to you
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