Will I ever fully believe my delusions again?

First episode psychosis here. Currently in almost complete remission - aside from some negatives.

So back during my episode I had a vast amount of delusional thoughts and beliefs. I thought a computer hacked into my brain - at first I thought it was people doing it, then God, then aliens. I thought people were following me, cops stalking me, camera in my eye and my apartment. Thought people were drugging me. Etc, etc.

I find myself in disbelief that I thought all of those weird things BUT I didn’t know back then what was going to happen to me, so I believed everything that I thought and saw.

So my question is this, now that I have been through it - and I know that I am sick - will I ever fully believe my delusions again? Will I know that my brain is just acting up again or will it be so strong that I am in denial of my illness?

Also, can you prevent a relapse by just not believing delusions?

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A delusion is lack of insight.

If you slide back into it you’ll believe it. If you’ve some insight your already doubting it to be real.

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If you come off meds you’ll probably lose insight and believe them again.

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Ya, if you etertain them and try to figure them out like I’ve done. Just put good stuff inside of you. Some people turn to religion and the bible, others like me to a hobby and work. I want to work, go to school, and learn.

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You are better off than me. It took me years to figure out I was sick and have insight.

Insight is significant.

But I still believe the delusions. I think as long as you can take your meds and have insight you can avoid hospital trips. That’s a definite plus.

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My delusions went away about two years after onset. They’ve been gone nearly two years. I don’t think they’re coming back. I’ve been on medication since onset and I don’t miss doses. I still hallucinate sometimes, but that’s a separate symptom.

I hope you stay well!

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Do you believe some of them or think about them? Or do you just ignore them, forget about them, and realize they were never real?

My head is pretty clear but I still believe some of them. I don’t put triggering stuff in my body anymore and i find that it helps.

I consider them strange beliefs not delusions anymore. Even my therapist said the most plausible one was the one I have about something happening to me in college. Although we probably mean different things. My parents and the therapist said that it’s common for people to slip you stuff these days. Maybe someone laced my marijuana or something or drink. I don’t know. It’s dead weight; a sunk cost. I gotta heal and move on.

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I don’t believe them anymore and i forgot about most of them. The main one used to be that I had died but wasn’t allowed to know I had, and that I had at that time diverged into a timeline of my own in a purgatory dimension where I was the only real person. I was grieving over never seeing my real family again. Of course now I know everybody around me is real.

I also had a few about being super-important, like a prophet. I guess I just forget them, because I go weeks at a time where I don’t give them a moment’s thought. I’m focused on something in the real world, moving to California soon. I made a few friends there I’m looking forward to seeing again when I visit next month. Will be able to stay for good by Christmas.

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Sounds good. You made a lot of progress. Some of your delusions seem complicated like mine. Thanks for sharing.

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Yeah but that purgatory one is kinda dangerous, I really thought everybody was against me and had a few moments where I was convinced I was in hell. I felt such terror in those moments, it’s hard to describe. Knowing I’ll never believe in it 100% again is a relief, that was just the worst.

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Do you want to believe in them again?

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Hell no! That was one of the worst experiences of my life. Not only that, i embarrassed myself in several areas of my life.

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Keep that fire in your heart and you’ll be okay. :blush:

So are you saying determination is a factor?

I find myself wondering how much of this illness is “you are what you embrace”? How much of the outcome of my future life and mental health is in my hands and how much is the outcome based on whatever my brain decides to do when it decides to do it?

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I know I’ll have delusions as long as I still hear even the tiniest bit of voices. They are a constant reminder of the crazy narrative I’m trying to get out of.

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Dude I also thought I was turning into a prophet lol

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I have delusions and I don’t hear voices.

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I believe so, yes. Delusions only though, not disorganization and hallucinations. You see, delusions only exist if you believe in them. When you have delusional ideas, you can’t ruminate or act on them. Reality test, and go with the result of that rather than what you think is true.

For me once I developed lucidity about having an issue I never had the same amount of belief in my delusions. There was always something in the back of my head saying you may just be crazy or once I was diagnosed that I had a psychotic disorder. That said that voice gets quieter and ignored when I have episodes.

Kinda what I wanted to know. Thank you.