I am living in the pit of doom. I am terrified and tired… Really ■■■■■■■ tired of fighting. I just want to sleep forever. I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I hate winter. Why live? What is the point when everyone dies! I want to hide away. My chest hurts. I just want peace. I want to be a normal human being for ONE ■■■■■■■ DAY. I need to breathe! To look at them, so empty, so flat. I hate the psychiatrist. I hate medication. I hate dependence. Why is there no joy? Why can’t I wake up!? ■■■■ you!
don’t let life harden your heart.
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I’m not. I’m letting death do it.
its goes away again what doo you need bubble bath? do some doodling, writing
do anything that helpsyou feel better.
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I still don’t understand tha stairway of living and dyinG ,
If it were me jus one door and BOOM done ,
but I dunno maybe its a serious test ,
I have no idea ,
n e hoo I hope you can fynde tha love and feel better soon ,
I was once within a lonliness mood and if I had a gun I wouldn’t be here right nao ,
I dunno ,
hold tite maybe you got a fun surprise on tha way ,
as silly as that may sounD …
be cool and drop out of school …
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1 day at a time.
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Nothing is helping dandy. I have no joy. It doesn’t exist. I’m tired of living like this. It’s not even living.
whoswith you now do you have a therapist you can call?
My children. I have a therapist, but, no use calling, I won’t be called back.
give it a try nothing o loose what about husband?
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He will be here in 2 hours.
Focus on the love in your life. It sounds like you could use a med change… We love you here. I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you. Really though there has to be something good focus on that.
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ok just hang on in till he gets there then and try and contact your therapist say its an emergency (it kind of is) and you would like to talk to her/him.
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its the illness it distorts everything and makes you down. lifes not really ■■■■ but when your in depression it makes it feel like it will always be like that.
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It sounds like you are in a downswing for a bipolar mood change.
When I’m in a down moodswings everything feels like :
Nothings working
Everything is horrible
What’s the point?
I wanna sleep forever
I’m in pain
I’m exhausted
There is no joy
And my up moodswings feels like :
Everything’s amazing
Colors are so bright
Life’s fantastic
Why would I ever want to die? Life is just too good
There so many exciting things to do!
Just know that your mood will pass . You will be ok you just gotta let it do its thing.
Hugs
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Do you think maybe if you went to the hospital and went in for a total med change, and to keep yourself safe, maybe that would be better than what you are doing now? Seriously, I am worried about you, I have been as depressed as you are now, and I know how close to really wanting death to come, atleast in the hospital, you cannot hurt yourself and like I said, they can revamp yor meds and you will look back and say, god, wasi really that bad? Yes, you really are that bad, I wish I could physically be there for you and give you a hug and let you know it is going to be ok, truly, it is going to be ok but it takes time.
((((((((kitty))))))))
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Right depression medication can change the way you feel/look at things. I would ask about that next time you talk to him.
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Sorry I’m not better to offer much. But wanted to say I hear you and your not alone. You have many reasons to keep fighting sample loving children also a loving husband. That’s what I know about. I know it’s hard to see with all the pain you feel. But I see it in your words when you write about them.
Being winter there and night is usually the worst for depression. Best you can do is sometimes is rug up in your most comfortable clothes and ride out the storm.
Anyway would imagine your tucked in bed asleep by now. Things often look better in the morning and I hope it’s the case for you. Hang in there it does get better.
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I have felt this way before- good thing you arent following my footsteps, to the liquor store. LOL
You are just having a mood swing, it’s common. You have so much to live for, two children and a loving husband! I envy you, seriously, and people say that I am doing well! I don’t have a wife or kids, and I wish I did!
I see you as having overcome the illness- you even look healthy in your profile picture, and you have a family.
This is temporary, you will feel better. I have had episodes, I have had relapses, I have been there, I might be doing well today, but I know how it feels when you just can’t control what is going on in your head. Know that it can and most likely will change for the better.
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As Mortimer says, some people would look at you and say that having a husband and a couple children is a success story. I think I have the same symptom you may have: which is getting no pleasure from life. But the paradox is that I have had many experiences that I enjoyed. l can sit in a comedy club and see 5 comedians perform and not laugh once. And whoever I’m with will comment on it. But I am still enjoying myself. I understand being tired of schizophrenia, after 35 years suffering with paranoid schizophrenia believe me I still often don’t have the peace of mind that I crave. My good days are great, my bad days are terrible. But even on my bad days some good things happened. You are young, you can survive this.
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