I feel dead and unmotivated like I’m just existing. All I want to do is sleep life away. I have no interest in going out, even to go shopping, and socialising is hell. I wanna curl up in a little ball and escape life, because its so hard, its too hard for me. I lost interest in everything except my illness, I am morbidly preoccupied with it. I’m constantly living under fear that something bad is going to happen to me, like I will get a terrible sickness or be in a car accident or that my beloved husband will die and leave me all alone. If I have a small sign like I spill my coffee or my computer not working (that because it laughs at me) or somebody mentions something on TV I fear, then it will happen in a matter of time, and all I can do is wait in fear. Life is just one big lump of fear and misery I wish I could escape this depression and deadness and fear but I don’t know how. I’ll speak to my pdoc today and see what he has to say, but will anything be of use?
so sorry ur feeling like this hunni. believe me, it can get better. ur only ill and that can b helped with medication. yes, talk to ur pdoc as it sounds like ur meds need adjusting or changing. have u thought of taking a small dose of valium every day? that would calm ur fears somewhat. nothing is going to happen to ur husband. it’s just normal life and u can enjoy it with the right help. hope ur meeting goes well hunni. xxx
im sorry you feel this way, and i know exactly what you’re talking about. I wish there was a way to make it all better.
That was me a little over three years ago. Sitting motionless for almost 20 hours a day, saying little, doing little, hiding in bed, living in my head. Feeling exactly like Kafka’s Cockroach. I get so angry at my illness for it’s sneaky brained thinking. My brian convinced me that no liked me, no one cared. I would be left to die alone and forgotten. I was cut off from love. How could anyone love a lump?
But my family did NOT give up on me and my meds got drastically adjusted and all of a sudden, the anti-depressant, the less sedation, the more mood stabilization, the less anxiety, it all started to kick in and little by little I got up and moving again. Then it was back to therapy to keep that good wave going.
There is hope for you. This doesn’t have to be the only way to live. I know it’s hard, and I as so sorry you are feeling this way. It’s hard and it is scary. I hope you and your doc can find an answer to help you feel better.
@EarthChild Talking to your pdoc is a good idea, Im going to tak to mine today - good luck to you, i have a feeling you will be feeling better
I’d explain my problems as practically the same. 0% motivation and 100% fear. All day in bed or on the couch, never go out and have no friends (except for my wife); socializing just seems pointless and exhausting. Similar fears that my wife will get into a car accident or that officials will take me away for some cooked up reason. Save with the TV, though not so much a warning or predictor as mocking and trying to break me/convince me of things.
I’ve been preoccupied with my DX aswell. Always learning more about it and trying to find a logical explanation or reason for how it works. Thinking maybe if I find the hidden details of it’s inner workings I’ll maybe find a fix. But alas no progress, no fix.
Motivation is definitely one of the harder of the symptoms. Wanting to want to do things, but not. Knowing I’ll be just as bored doing them as not doing them. Just no satisfaction. Not really having an interest in anything. It’s hard to find a reason why I should bother existing.
There doesn’t seem to be an answer or cure, at least not that I know of. Just know you’re not alone.
You have a spouse.
WOW is what I say to that. You are not alone.
If I had a wife I would think I was in heaven.
Please hang on to what you have.
I used to feel exactly like you described…like it was too hard to even take a breath.Iwas on every conceivable antidepressant from1982 to now.And about two years ago I read about an antidepressant called "Welbutrin or Bupropion (generic) It comes in time release or regular release.It was a miracle.I have not had a serious thought of suicide since I’ve been on it…and that used to be all I thought about years ago. Also it dose not sap me of energy or take away my creativity like the meds used to
If you haven’t tried it, you should give it a try. The first night or two that you take it you may have trouble sleeping…but that will go away quickly. Good luck to you.
If you concentrate on empowering yourself in other ways, and not preoccupying on negative thoughts it might help you find more productive things to do with your life. You don’t need to a working class hero to be self fulfilled and work on things you love.
find little things that give you pleasure can be anything i like beauty treatments/ essential oils, good books, i know how you feel i feel like ive missed the bus that everyone else it catching sometimes little things help. hugs
Yeah, i feel the same.
I enjoy nothing.
Can you elaborate more on how you feel and how painful it is? I’m going through the same thing
my mind feels dead and explosive at the same time. I want to cut myself. I cant cope with life, I want to escape but im too scared to kill myself, so im stuck terrible in between. its like im livng and dead at the same time. how else to explain??? its beyond words…
What saadiqah just said beneath you.
Thats basically it.
There is hope, trust me there is hope! With this illness it sometimes takes years to recover, but there is so many success stories out there. Today might be dark, but trust me one day there will be a morning light.
THAT I can relate to but at the same time you’ve states you get to enjoy loud upbeat music, the beach, and your writing. That I cannot relate to because I literally can’t enjoy ANYTHING so you are lucky in a sense.
Hi Saadiqah. I feel similar to you. How are you doing now Saadiqua?
For me, life is only not too bad. It’s neither wonderful nor dreadful. I am numbed by the medication so am not energetic for embracing the world , but I have no fears, no pains, no worries.
Saadiqah, you could be better by a distance from fears and worries like I do.
I’m ok Spokety, better, more reason to live. The meds have kicked in again.
Going for a walk in nature helps me feel more alive.