I wonder also if its the time to feel more now this conversion thing, cause the Zyprexa put me low… Now that I got rid of my dumb enthusiasm… Cause in my illness, I went numb for years… I was dreamy I guess. And maybe Zyprexa is working on this. Maybe its the natural thing to feel low before starting to think better, whats your opinion? I literally couldn’t think well for years, people… I went very intellectually disabled I find… And I was just walking outside with this ‘‘dumb’’ smile on my face, but with the fear in my soul if you see a bit…
p.s. I am really afraid, that I remained ‘‘stupid’’ for years… Idk how much it will take me to regain in thinking… I suffer a lot too, cause I cant think. Its one of my biggest problems I find…
Hi all again 
Well, today in the day, even this psychosomatic thing was better. I was feeling still my illness in my thinking, but at least, physically, it was a bit better. But now again, in the evening, after my med, I am weak in my extremities again to the point, that I feel very shaky. Anyone else like this too? I mean shaky? But its not so much a shakiness exteriorly… Its more inside of me. yeap, my hands are weak, but its more an inside feeling. I wouldn’t worry if I didn’t have this job to the notory this Tuesday… I have no choice to be patient, but I still never know what to expect in public… I wonder if the meds can cause this shakiness and if it gets better with time?
Well, I guess the aps help on the physical symptoms too, cause they are mental in my case… Otherwise the despair is still hard for me… It makes me feel terrible. I talked to an ill friend on the phone and I felt bad… Anxious, guilt, my shaky body… And I still have to put in my head, that my progress is a progress no matter, that its slow… Its a killing idea in a way… When I am desperate, nothing helps… Idk how you manage the despair too…
When did you start feeling guilty? And why?
Do you remember?
I started to feel guilty really early… I was experiencing irritability and anger, so the guilt came too… Around the age of 8…
Maybe you are right. I live by ruminating since much time and this is the main problem… I guess all my symptoms are now because of my poor quality of life… The problem is that i lack now very much motivation and will just to go out there and socialize. I am paranoid too yeap… I guess i am sz though… You know, i just talked to a friend on the phone now and i felt better after it. She is ill too though, but in better shape than me now. Idk, maybe only my friends and my family can help me now, but i really cant overcome often still my conversion and my low motivation, cause now i feel all kind of s***… When i felt better this night with my friend, i realized my symptoms are just sensations, not real… And that i am on one hand far from the happiness and the mental health… The problem is that i am tired to fight. Maybe because of the isolation… What to do? Continue hoping? And mostly, to stuck to my few friends and people that i see?
And yeah, the meds are heavy and they even dont give me the needed kick… My life is poor still, maybe i suffer from this mainly… Gosh, i felt so relieved this night after this phone talk… Everything lifted in me, i never had this ever… Just from a talk on the phone… But ill be down tomorrow again. My brain turned zombie within these years of illness or what?
Gosh, i am ill, yes… I want to cry a bit… So much time wasted and so much pain for nothing… Ok, i had a tough fate with my family, this is true. I also had aggressive thoughts and still have them a bit. But i oppressed them in a sick way…
And mainly, i dont do a mistake that i dont want to switch aps anymore, isnt it? The most sincere doc, that i met, told me that ive tried too many aps… And my ex doc was saying to stop switching meds too… I gave chance to 11 aps, really… I dont know what to think on this. The zyprexa looks to me with less side effects… Some other aps just made me crazier…
I really hope you can get better. I don’t have any advice now.
My faith has helped me improve. I will pray for you.
Have you ever tried invega?İt has miracles on socializing with minimum side effects. Patients who use invega earn great self confidence for socializing. But western community little more different. İt require much more intellectual abilities than rest of the world on socializing i think. So just medicines it could not solve all the problems but it can improve your socializing skills.
Yeap, I tried the Invega… It didn’t help my fears at all. I tried all the ap’s possible here. Maybe my fears are just some general anxiety. I guess my conversion disorder (the psychosomatic symptoms) is due to stress, at least its what the docs and the literature say about it… Aps never helped my fears. There is some tiny possibility, that the years on meds will help as say it my pdoc, but I guess I should kick a bit more my ass. But I don’t respond well to meds. Maybe I am not alone. Maybe the meds work a minimum, I guess its even worse without them, but I still have hellish fears. I don’t know from where they come. But I have bunch of physical symptoms because of them… I hope its true what my pdoc say, that I need time and efforts, but I doubt more and more, that the meds will help 
…
But you missing something i think. You are socializing here without your fears. So it s not impossible to overcome your fears. Don t lose your hope. 
Well, it was always easier for me, when its up to write 
I am not like this in irl. I sometimes have my fears here, but its less than in real life, yeap. Maybe I have some cognitive deficits too. Maybe my brain is not working properly and I have my fears yeap… Otherwise, I am not strong in personality. For example, I even don’t know which food I like, which music, which people… If I have my ‘‘like’’ moments, this is the euphoria which talks… I know, that it happens to lose the personality in sz, but it happens in other mi too… I also lack positive emotions, I often cant even love, which is a pain, cause only a loving person can be in a good health .
Thanks for the support Ocean- spray Do you believe, that if meds don’t help enough, I should try efforts now? I keep the lowest possible dose I think though. Tbh I also ask myself now, if the meds didn’t cause me more panic and anxiety. Its possible, they lower the dopamine, the hormone of the happiness. But I am afraid to stop them entirely…
When i use abilify i used to have huge fears and anxiety. İ couldn t even swim. İn fact i was drowning on sea because of my huge panic attack. İt was horrible. My mean this feelings are supposed to be with your chemicals on your brain.because i used to have not anxiety and fears before i use abilify but after i earned all of them. So this things must be on your brain and i hope you will find right medicine for this. Take care @Anna1
But do you find it strange, that Zyprexa doesn’t relieve my fears? You know, it even doesn’t put me to sleep, as it does it to my other ill friends…
Yes. İ used xyprexa.i used to sleep ages when i m on it.so its really strange to not put on sleep to you.weird. Maybe it s not effective enough at you as supposed to be. İ lived only close feelings and fears close to your fears when i m on abilify. So it s better to examine that medicine. That medicine cause very similar feelings and fears at people.
None of the aps didn’t put me to sleep, really… Not even Haldol, not any others of the second generation. I guess my illness is not like this. but its strange yeap. But I know a woman, who takes Zyprexa only for anxiety and she gets energetic by it, not sleepy too. We are all different maybe…
I was a physical wreck before the meds too, chess… I had my conversion disorder since always. But I hear you. I was stopping to eat before the Zyprexa…
This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.