I was friends with a woman who was stuck in a bad place. She was overweight, in a bad marriage and in a job she hated. She started her journey to getting her life back on track by getting gastric bypass surgery. She lost 100 pounds. She worked on her marriage and went back to school nights to become a social worker. She became a social worker at the same time she ended up getting divorced. She got a $100,000 settlement in the divorce. The settlement was going to knock her off her Medi-Cal. She decided to get elective surgery to remove her severe varicose veins before her insurance was cancelled. Shortly after surgery, with everything seemingly right in her world. It was time to go on vacation. She had recently met a new love interest and they decided to take a road trip. It was a windy, mountain, highway, there was an oncoming vehicle looking for a cellphone there was a split second where the oncoming car crossed the center divide and it was over.
Because of her recent surgery, and the way the oncoming driver impacted the car, my friends femoral artery was severed. And though everyone else walked away from the crash my friend died in the hospital after being removed from life support 5 days later. I will never forget how hard she worked to get her life back on track only to have in ripped from her. I will never forget how fragile life is. And I will never forget how one split second can change everything. Ever since then I developed a fear of going highway speeds and it’s just grown into a phobia over the years. Now it’s gotten to the point that I’m having anxiety attacks over the kids coming here for the holidays. I’m so stressed that I’m seeing things.
I’m sorry to hear that leafy.
I don’t know if this helps, but thousands of people drive on those roads every day, and only a fraction ever get into accidents.
Your kids will be fine. Do you have anything to distract yourself with while you wait for them?
Is your sister the kind of person you can talk to about these things?
Three days ago I was certain my brother had committed suicide, but when I called him he was fine. The mind can work in tricky ways. Maybe you could take extra care of your kids for a little while. Reassure yourself that they are there. I’m sorry about your friend.
Why does our mind play tricks on us? Why do we go to that place of catastrophe? I try to be positive but my mind just always goes back to that negative outcome. I keep working on it but it never seems like enough.
My condolences about your friend. She was on a good path. This story is very open and honest, a lot of emotion behind the post.
She was a peer, you saw her work and are now doing the same for yourself, she would be proud, I think. A good friend would.
A good friend wouldn’t want to see you suffer by her death. They would want to see you celebrating life. It sounds like she was celebrating life for a while before her tragic passing, trying to live to the fullest.
Please don’t fear and convince yourself that something “will” happen, or “when”.
It’s ok to have a healthy respect for the fact everything can change, but like many things, over observance can lead us to madness.
I think you could benefit greatly when your therapy kicks in. The fear is doing distress, and that’s unfair to you.
I don’t know if anything I can say will change your fear for the kids trip. But I’m here for you leaf.
The work never stops, It just gets easier until you don’t notice it most of the time.
Sometimes we have to just have to accept we were having the negative thoughts, and try to replace them.
The fear of the trip is there, But when everything is fine and you’re actually having Christmas how special it will be, how wonderful it feels. The return trip is a worry too, by your own admission.
When they’re home safe, do you think it will fade, or just evolve into the next trip?
I completely get what you mean… I was in a car accident that ultimately ended my playing piano days. Some things I did came right back to me. Some things I just couldn’t do. Some things I had to relearn.
I’m afraid driving, I’m afraid as a passenger. Most of all, though, I’m glad that I’m still alive and can have feelings, good or bad.
