I can stand up for myself sometimes but most of the time it’s hard. I don’t get any encouragement to do so and in fact get discouraged to. No one in my life really wants me to.
I see other people with this problem on here. I guess it’s something we never learned well. But I was
thinking of @ThePickinSkunk in particular on this subject. He has mentioned several times that he was treated badly until he learned to stand up for himself (very admirable) And some of you others have learned too. I believe people can change but this seems like an insurmountable obstacle. What makes some people succeed at sticking up for themselves and other people fail at it?
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It’s good to “stick up for yourself”, but you can do it in a way that isn’t aggressive. Sticking up for yourself in an aggressive way can get you into trouble in certain circumstances. For example, being aggressive about it could get you fired from a job. If I were aggressive with my parents I could get kicked out of the house, etc. It’s important to distinguish between being aggressive in sticking up for yourself and being assertive when sticking up for yourself.
There may be times when aggressiveness is warranted but, in most instances being assertive is better and more effective.
I’m better about being assertive these days without being aggressive than I used to be. It’s mostly just a matter of expressing your opinion and letting others know where you stand and sticking to your guns when necessary.
I’m a bit drowsy, so I hope this is applicable to your situation and I’m not way off base here. It’s 3:24 am here. Still awake.
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It’s mainly about having good communication and applying it when necessary, I think.
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Maybe its becuase a lot of us on here arent/cant be as independent as people without schizophrenia? I dunno. You would need a psychologist to get to the root of it. But i think it might basically come down to not having as much practice being assertive in social situations. Out of the swing of it. Because ive noticed sz’s tend to get out less than most.
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I think it’s genetic.
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afraid of consequences - but when the situation bothers you enough, your pot will boil over and you’ll speak up and take the risk. If the positives outweigh the negatives, you’d rather hold your tongue than risk losing the relationship.
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I hate the tension of conflicts. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Sometime you have to stand your ground. I don’t fight the small stuff but I do with important things.
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I don’t believe that is always the case. Some people are pushovers. Like me!
I’ve taken so much sh-it from people. I never hit rock bottom and said enough. My pot never boiled over. Nothing happened except I developed Sz.
I tried everything. Being confrontational, martial arts, weight lifting. Nothing helped my confidence.
But I do suffer from Avpd. So it explains a lot.
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What does Avpd stand for? I Googled it and there are many definitions.
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I started off with a lot of abusive relationships with people until I was about 19
Then the last abusive person left was my stepfather
Eventually I wised up to it, but my solution was to isolate and not get entangled in relations with others
Think maybe the ASD prevented me from standing up for myself until I learned what was a good relationship and what a bad one was
I was just nice to everyone, and it led me down a horrible path
Lucky I got intervention from a court order, that separated me from the bad people doing drugs etc, and things got better
See a lot of people that SZ was the thing that made their life worse, but SZ was just another setback that I coped with better as gang violence and deception as a teenager was pretty rough
There was a lot of organised crime when I was young in my town.
I was mainly affected by it in 1999-2004 and I did not see the leaders of the organisation on the front page with a lengthy prison sentences until 2009 when they viciously stabbed a rival drug dealer and got arrested for attempted murder
They’re probably free by now
I fear for young people getting involved in this stuff
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Short answer: testosterone
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Practie being stern and firm in your words. And the power of saying no.
It is a little leverage at the right time and at the right place. Sometimes it is either to attack or retreat and a wise man knows which is called for.
I honestly had to work at not caring about the jerks I encounter.
@Bowens is right about the difference between being aggressive or assertive.
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I used to hate them but now i take the challenge of conflict resolution
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I’m bad about standing up for a lot of things, but when things get to a certain point I do stand up.
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