Tbh this shouldn’t be like this… and no, my meds doesn’t help much…
Ok, now I fight even in my thoughts… But I was so perched for years on my way of thinking, that since years I feel this in my head…
For some seconds today it got relieved…It felt like I was freed… My thinking was fine for seconds… But its not promising if its for seconds…
Is it so hard to recover on this? Cause no, the point is not to get well in detriment of a healthy thinking, no… Why is it so hard to relieve my brain now? Ok, I live since kid with negative thoughts… I always felt like lower than everybody else etc etc…I never dreamed, I never saw a future for me and it makes it all too much… Cause now I am 37 years old… Do you understand this thing of feeling my brain like this? whats the reason for this? I guess the mind should be calm and ‘‘open’’… But their aps never helped me on my mind… Maybe with time… But yeah, to have only seconds of relief is not okay… Its not even every day, idk…
But when my mind got relieved for seconds, it felt like this feeling of my brain in my head is the core of my illness… But will be hard to stop feel my brain like this? And recover on emotions and thoughts? Can the ap stop this? strange thing…
Some say it is inflammation of the brain that makes us aware of it. But hey your thinking is improving!
I think it is inflammation too………………………………………makes sense
I think psychosis is brain inflammation
You find my thinking is improving by my posts?
Tbh, I really try now to become more rational, but my body is fighting against this too… I try to get more ‘‘alive’’ in fact, but its fighting with my illness too this…
Maybe I feel my brain like this, cause I lived too much in my head for loong… I find this a reason tbh… It can happen, isn’t it? Idk for the inflammation… I had such a terrible past with my family, that it can be traumas too…
So, what do you advice me, to keep going? This brain can be relieved too? I walk with the pupils wide because of it, it makes me crazy… anyway, I guess I have no choice… Ill keep going with this painful feeling of my brain in the head… Maybe I can get better on this with time?
Yes, keep going with your posts. They are improving. Maybe try alkaline water… for the inflammation. Bet I’m not the only one who is liking to hear from you…ata girl.
Oh, thanks gobey 
I really try to become saner… I do it mostly by trying to change my thinking. But its such an effort now, that its tiring… I even went so anxious today that I thought I would die from sz… But its strange I don’t feel any sedation from the Zyprexa in my head… I never felt any sedation in my head from any ap in fact, which is ultra, ultra strange… Its feels like I think too much, but I guess I think just of bad stuff… and its very constant… I get tired… Only the benzos give me this sedation, but I don’t want to take them like this…
Is it normal @gobeyond to not feel sedated at all in my head even from the aps? They are still like candies for me… I just get tired after their take, but after their kick, I feel like I am not on meds at all… just nothing…
That’s great in the day time. Are you sleeping OK? Are you feeling a bit normal? You struggle so much, take it a bit easier if you can. @Anna1
No, I am not feeling normal at all… I know that what I feel isn’t supposed to be here… and I feel it all day long…I never have relief…Its very painful to feel my brain like this… My mind is completely out of order I find… Its physical what I feel… and the aps, never gave me this kind of needed relaxation of my mind in fact… I don’t know if its normal anymore… But what they did is just to pull me out of bed for a bit more than before…
yeah, I sleep fine still… But as kid, I was even oversleeping…
I know what you mean. I had negative thoughts and disorgnized thinking since I was a child. I get some relief some nights, but then feel disturbed when I wake up. I’ve had some success thinking better the last week, but I’m just waiting on the next ball to drop and for my head to be scrambled eggs again.
I know how you feel @Anna1.I find that I have suppressed thoughts and that that is why my head hurts and does not feel normal. For instance today, I realized that the presence of my adopted brother made me worry that my parents wouldn’t keep me. That it was an option. And I carried this insecurity with me all the time I was growing up. Now, I just want to say it out aloud “Keep me, keep me.” That worrying was different from most families which is probably why it got suppressed to begin with.
I’m saying, if you just lie on your bed and relax as much as you can, the answer will come.
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