Feel like a burden to society. Damaged goods. Never really been able to function how I wanted to. I feel like returning home but I can’t leave you all in the sh## sorry just feeling sorry for myself today.
That nurse is probably gone now. You should return to the hospital. 
You can service society by simply being nice and trying to have a positive impact on people’s lives that you come across 
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Thanks @spiderpig. That comment means a lot. I know I have a good heart. I just wish I could do more but my mind won’t let me. I feel as if I just need to just push harder but the harder i push it seems I go down hill. I just feel like crying. I had so much now I have nothing.
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Thanks @everhopeful but she’s there till 4 so I’m just chilling at mc donalds drinking water and using the WiFi 
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"the harder I push"
somedays it really is like learning to walk. one foot in front of the other. slow, but steady.
Princess don’t you have a son? You gotta keep your chin up and keep trying to get better, for you and for him.
I do have a son. He’s 5 next feb. I’m a useless mother. I don’t even feel like he’s my son. I can’t even look after myself let alone him. I didn’t take good care of him when I looked after him before my first break. He’s my false reality son but I still care about him. But I can’t say that I love him or anyone I feel so detached from people.
That’s a good thing if u let it. That’s a form of transcendence in my book. I take a non-subjective look at people, dont want to attach personal bias and ego. Just a slave to lifes problems and my own desires. I will continue enduring torment, for my own salvation, and a consciouss slumber.
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You are very articulate. I don’t really like being detached but its good to be sometimes.
Levels. the more detached u get, the more u’r getting intuitive sense of people. I believe u will come full circle and realize u were detached from their personal issues but still grounded in a naturally skewed environment. If u imagine urself outside the problem, u wont feel so much responsibility for it.
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Thank you @Esm you seem very wise and sorthe of on a higher energy level than others. No offence to others! And I don’t mean people on this site.
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Just remember having a good heart is so rare these days and hold on to the fact you are a good person who has an illness. Don’t allow yourself to get stressed out x
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Thanks @spiderpig. I don’t believe I’m I’ll but everyone else seems to think so so it makes me wonder hmm…
- Everyone’s playing tricks on me
Or - My mind is playing tricks on me
But why would my mind do this to me 
I know the feeling, with my intrusive involuntary thoughts that come from nowhere, I’m just like why would my brain do this to me, the thoughts feel so alien!
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I get these intrusive thoughts that are like ‘haha they are all falling for it’. But thats not what I think and I swear on anything that I’ve always been honest about what’s been going on for me I feel so confused like my head is going to blow up! I don’t intentionally deceive anyone that’s why I also feel like a fake.
I think it’s the police inserting those thoughts into my head to confuse me and insult my morals.
I try to think of the brain as a turbulent toddler at times, acting out and being mischevious. Sometimes it feels like it’s me (my conscious) against my subconscious which acts out…
Although I also believe in thought insertion because it’s something I’ve experienced, especially whilst being in hospital with other patients, they’ll whisper bad stuff so that my hearing just catches it and then it looks like I’ve thought it ! I have thought broadcasting so everyone can hear my thoughts. And I also think they can insert thoughts directly but I’m a very stable person despite this. We have to stay strong
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Thank you @tera 
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It would be better if you stopped rejecting treatment and escaping from the hospital. You won’t get better while you’re doing this. Will probably get worse.
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