i was really weak, shaky and depressed today. can this change in the future? i fight as myself but i am obsessed with love still… i feel misloved and cant feel it already…
otherwise, i am stupid, i cant think, i dont know what is this stupidity…
i hate myself… i am fed up of feeling ugly 
dont talk to me about antidepressants. they dont work on me… maybe my brain is irreversibly damaged? when ill get out of this hell? i am really stupid guys. i dont have ideas about the things in life anymore… and my shopseller lied me once with my money and i didnt say anything…
are you taking PsychoTherapy??. Please look into that aspect too along with the Meds…
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Yes, saurav is right Anna you need therapy.
My psychiatrist insisted that the benefits of taking Fluanxol depot as monthly injection besides antipsychotic is that it can lift my mood. Perhaps talking to your doctor about your depression will help and see if there is any option to ease your feelings.
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By the conditioned, socialized, habituated, and seemingly “normal” beliefs and values of the culture where you live? Hmm. (Not necessarily “irreversibly,” however.)
REBT – Rational emotive behavior therapy - Wikipedia
Schematherapy – Schema therapy - Wikipedia
Learned Optimism – Learned optimism - Wikipedia
Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/
DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
MBSR – Welcome to the Mindful Living Blog
ACT – ACT | Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
10 StEP – Pair A Docks: The 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing
MBBT – An Introduction to Mind-Body Bridging & the I-System – New Harbinger Publications, Inc
SEPT – Somatic experiencing - Wikipedia
SMPT – Sensorimotor psychotherapy - Wikipedia
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She is not a native English speaker and probably not into Alan Watts and stuff. You could help her immensely if you try to speak at average human level.
( just a suggestion)
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I’ve been where you are, and see myself falling back into that mood recently. The only thing I can recommend if you’re not interested in antidepressants is maybe some kind of therapy? Do you have a way to positively release your feelings? I myself keep a blog/journal and it helps me reflect back on my emotional states when I’m in a calmer mood.
I also make one promise to myself, never harm myself whenever I feel I’m in a manic depressed state. Wait 24 hours, maybe even 48 hours and eventually the mood lifts and without physical harm to myself. Just remember some things if acted on can’t be taken back, and make sure it is truly what you want and not a negative response to an over emotional state of mind.
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Got it. TY. (15 15 15)
@Anna10 Proceeding from @Sarad 's suggestion: I don’t think YOU are at all to blame for your emotional state. But I do think that the normally accepted beliefs and values of many of the cultures of eastern Europe are so either-or, all-or-nothing, all-right-or-all-wrong, “totalistic” and falsely “dichotomizing” (see Dichotomy - Wikipedia and the section on this under “Usage and examples”) that one who lives there will often – maybe even usually – think that way.
Researchers in Europe and the US have been able to prove that this kind of thinking is a major factor in the negative thinking that causes clinical depression. This style of thinking can be changed with the types of psychotherapy I listed in my previous post.
(S: Did I do a little better this time?)
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Yes, you did a little better. 
yes,thanks notmoses and the others… one pdoc has posted an article where he says that the bulgarian people are seeing all things in black… i dont know if its the same with the russians. now my dad is gone and i hated him all my life in fact… it doesnt make from me somebody nice… but he was beating my sister and my mom… so i went ill early. i blamed at a time my mom that they didnt see mu suffering but what? should i be puted on meds at my 15ths(age)? so i try to avoid that thinking also… my sz friend really wants from me that i stop my meds, i find her even manipulating at this point. i am still unsecure. and i feel hate sometimes.
take care…
I can see you are suffering a lot, Anna, but you are still beautiful.
thansk tomasina, i know, the smile on my face is missing but its hard for me still… i couldnt look in the camera since years already, its the same to look at the people eyes but with my meds i think i made some progress already in irl 
I’ve been where you are regarding relationships. I remember feeling so lonely. (I’m a guy, if that’s significant.) I eventually lost it. Maybe if you could get into a situation where you socialized with a lot of guys without seeking a relationship it would help. That longing for a relationship is a bad thing to do to yourself. I wish I knew how to tell you to get out of it, but with me it just took time.
You’re welcome, Anna. That’s great you are starting to look in the camera. It’s not always easy. I can’t do it now. Keep up the great work, Anna. So happy to hear you’re making progress. Keep us posted.
in fact i couldnt relate to the attack of paris. i just dont understand it, i dont have the feelings… i am not sure if somebody here can understand this… i am in a french forum and they made me the remark that i am not with them in this tragedy… maby my zyprexa makes me desensibilized also, dont know. i should have some strong personnality to understand this conflicts and my mom yeiled to me that i am castrated and unpolite… my life sucks, really… i am so bored, hope this will change in the future and ill be less monstruous in the eyes of others :/…i am struggling now but lots of people yeil at me now i find…
maybe you need to get some self-confidence going …Please do meet a Therapist as soon as possible.
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