Yeah, okay, we get it. You’ve been ill since you were a kid. Tragic. But right now, you’re just making excuses. Because Anna, it’s schizophrenia. We all have it, and it progressed all throughout our lives, just like yours did (except, maybe, for those whose illnesses are drug or trauma induced). Yes, it’ll take time, but if you keep telling yourself that your illness is so different, so much more severe, than mine or anyone else’s, then you’ll hinder your own recovery.
I don’t think you’re faking, I really don’t, but I do think you’re allowing yourself to wallow. The truth is that meds will help each of us to varying degrees, regardless of how long you’ve been ill. There are people in hospitals who had their first psychotic break, and now nothing has been able to pull them back. There are people who were gravely ill for years, and then comes along 3mg of Vraylar and poof, they’re practically cured. I myself have never had a complete break because my mom has always been on top of my mental health. I’ve gotten close, but never crossed that line, thanks to her and my grandpa. In theory, my meds should work perfectly, only they don’t. I still have hallucinations, albeit less vivid ones, all of the time, and I have delusional ideas and episodes. I have disorganized, formal thought disorder symptoms, and my cognitive symptoms are more prominent than my negative ones. There’s no formula for how each of us will respond meds, unfortunately. It’s just a roll of the dice.
I’m not trying to be a bi tch, Anna. Perhaps if I am, then someone else can explain it in a gentler way. I’m just trying to be honest with you, because you need to understand the truth. You need to understand that sometimes, meds just aren’t enough. If you want your shot at a normal life, then you’re going to have to fight for it, and you’re going to have to fight harder than some others may have to. Yeah, it’s sh itty and it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it is, so you can either accept that and fight your fight without comparing it to others’ battles, or you can reject it, and wallow while you wait for an easier path that may never come.