For a while I was not on the right medications because my particular symptoms, mainly delusions, were not really the typical kind. So when my psychiatrists asked me some questions to assess my mental condition, I was able to answer “no” to everything, so they thought I was alright. It was only when I started being bothered by the beliefs I had that I would bring it up, and then it became clear I needed to try a new antipsychotic. I’ve learned since then to guage myself by asking “would most people consider this belief too unusual to be realistic” and “is this belief too uncommon to be considered okay”. If the answer to either is “yes” then I tell myself it’s something I should mention to my psychiatrist. I then bring up these kinds of things whenever they happen at the beginning when I’m asked how I’ve been doing in general. This system of checking leaves me open to feel comfortable with beliefs I developed when I, for example, had a spiritual awakening in 2010, because the sorts of things I started believing them are shared by many people who are not considered psychotic. Sad to say but the more you are fitting in or “harmonizing” with the rest of society, the less mentally ill you are considered to be. Just my thoughts.
If I harmonize with social expectations though I feel moreso my deep-set issues are overlooked. I can be so confident that I mask the symptoms to my own self, my own awareness and identity becomes jaded and confused about the truth…I have a nice psychiatrist. There is always more that can be done to improve the health of people in soceity and culture.
It is better to be honest. I need to be more honest. That’s what I am newly working on. I Used to lie and always say everything was fine, so now I dnt even remember how bad it was…and on the other hand I want to believe i can functioon and work and carry on without distreess, but the second I walk outu the door I get so socially exhuasted anxious n overwhelemd.
I had an episode yesterday I treid to walkk into town and then i was tired so I had to leave after two hours…I kept thinking these guys were commenting on me related to society as a whole. And saying that somehow people who take vaccines are crazy.
I mean I guess its true, they were also possbly tripping on shrooms and they were venting to each other about how people are walking around like zombies and thats becacuse of all this gov. weird stuff and then they put it on the vaccines, when its not…its just fear energy…
So you can trust your doctor mine have always improved my health. They have always done a lot to help me because i Have a lot of physical and psychologoical turmoil from life among this mental disease…I wish I never had…
I wish I didn’t have this disease…disease of the mind… I wish I didn’t hurt people by being or sounding crazy.
Why is it “sad” to say?
I think you’re doing the right thing by asking yourself if most people would find your beliefs unusual or unbelievable and reporting those beliefs. That what I do
I say that because I always valued thinking independently over conforming. I’ve learned since then that there are some basic conventional ways of being that are better for you even if it does mean just making yourself fit with the herd.
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