I have some feelings I’m finally working out of my system from a person far in the past. I just need to think happy.
Incoming horror story
The situation was a during a manic / psychotic episode. It started off with my being stalked and adored without wanting anything to do with her because I was scared as hell. Later on some initiations happened and I began to change my mind about the girl. We were just friends at this point.
Sooner she starts inviting me over to her house and along with that brings me closer in to her personal life and allowing me to alleviate her a little. This became pleasant in some ways but was entirely new to me.
Along with the good things came the bad, I became more psychotic and more animal like. After trying to hold it in one day, I choked the girl for a few seconds. Then I stopped myself and all I could mutter is “no” to let her know not to let anyone do that to her again.
Eventually she becomes more withdrawn and I begin to worry about her safety. I take some of her friends over there and they lock me out. She starts seeing one another person and I try to forget the whole thing between me and her.
The guy she is dating doesn’t like something about me and gives me dirty looks and mumbles under his breathe at me. Kinda scary. So I just keep smoking weed. I eventually get the delusion that I’m being sent messages subliminally on Facebook and get over whelmed with emotions. I assume what I’m interpreting to be from this girl I was slightly involved with.
I make angry rants on the Facebook and get more involved with the fake person I’m thinking is being shot at me through the Facebook ads and news feed. I start doing things I’m not proud of.
I start looking for this girl in public so I can tell her off. And the only confrontations I get seem to make my involvement turn into an obsession. I start thinking of things I could have said and go looking for her again.
Anyways this is where the emotional issues come into play. I start feeling sad the more I talk to her. And I thought the more I talk to her, the more issues I would work out. I think I’m being better now by trying to will myself to be happy then trying to confront her and harass her in person. I’m much better now that I’ve tried this.
And I haven’t even spoke to her in two years.
Anyways I didn’t mean to turn this into a rant. I just wanted to share my experience with you guys and see if you related, it just happened to be a long story.