Did any of you have a hard time seeing your delusions? If so, what helped you realize them?
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Yes I had a hard time seeing my delusions. It just didn’t make sense(my delusions) I just had a realization. I’m still battling my delusions right now.
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When my son explained his hallucinations and delusions to me, it dawned on me that even though mine were different, what I had believed all those years may not all be spiritual warfare.
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Time. Some things I just got to a point on the meds ( they were working) that it just wasn’t worthwhile thinking about all that stuff because in reality the chances were it didn’t happen. I still think back on those beliefs and how real it was but I think letting go was a great step moving forward.
It was just my mind playing tricks and it wasn’t any fault of mine!
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I didn’t realize at first. Then when I started to see things that were not there and started to consider sz as a possibility, I remembered them. The paranoid delusions never last that long for me. Like a couple of hours or at most a day. And since by then I knew to look for this, I realized afterwards that I was just being really paranoid.
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I handed myself in to the mental ward the first time I was delusional…they didn’t keep me in long enough to stabilize mentally because I didn’t have insurance and after that I quickly became delusional again but after that I was delusional for another seven months without ever doubting my delusions…I wrote a book about it and it is available on amazon…
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I remember I was trying to do some like spiritual cult stuff that’s like evil cult stuff, but it wasn’t orthodox bible stuff. Then it kind of spun out from there in more complex ways. The whole thing was that I was sure after doing the first stuff that this universe was a different way than it really was, and I had mental faculties connected to it that I really don’t. So I just started living that way by myself and when I was with people.
The voices started becoming really impactful first when hanging out with people, but it wasn’t like “the voices.” It was more like thinking I was telepathic with people as I hung out there with people that smoked pot and other drugs that I wouldn’t do. I believe that what we were doing routinely and ceremoniously was something like a cultish type of thing with enteogens. Definitely but not like the formal ones you see in a movie.
Then I started hearing the actual voices in the restaurant I was working in the kitchen for, and normally it would stop after work. I was having some very bad panic attacks at work about those voices though making it hard to do my work without messing up. Scared.
Then after work one night these voices that started calling me names were coming from what seemed like the cars, but when I checked, no one was in them. This started freaking me out, but…
…I tend to analyze anything like that as the smart thing to do.
So I was scared and offended by the voices, but I was interested mostly in something like I had tapped into the supernatural bs I was trying to for the past several years.
6 months later it was all I knew, and I lost my apartment and my vehicles. I was 20 then. I wouldn’t figure it out until about 2 years later after being homeless most of that time.
The thing that sticks out most to me is that I wanted those voices. I didn’t know what scz was, but I wanted them like they were supernatural stuff which scz’s tend to feel like they are. I believe I brought it on myself, and using drugs helped. I also believe that I had a weak “mental proprioception faculty” in the first place as I still do, and that was the drawbridge down for this to onset. So it was a combination of information, drugs, and mechanical maladies…
…and not a supernatural epic ordeal after all. SMH
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I had to wait it out.
For a while I was completely terrified that the world was going to end. I was in constant worry waiting for a giant earthquake, astroid, nuclear war or some other immenint destruction. Just waiting for things to end. I couldn’t leave my house, and every plane, truck, or other loud noise sent me into hysterics. I thought it would all be over in a few short days.
But the world didn’t end. And next week I was still alive. And the week after. Therefore I was able to conclude that i was wrong about the world ending.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared of nuclear winter. But now I know that I shouldn’t worry about things like that, even if there is a chance it could happen.
It’s easier for me to talk myself out of doomsday theories and calm myself down because I’ve thought the world was going to end over and over, and it still hasn’t.
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It took me a while to realize what they were from when I first encountered them. My most common voice I heard started coming up around age 12 and it said interesting things. By interesting I mean violent lol I confronted my mother and step-dad about it and they said (being heavily religious) “We all have that little voice in our head that wants us to do evil, that’s why you need to be reading your bible-” blah blah you get the point. I enjoy Christianity, being raised in it, but I hate how blind it makes some people. Anyways, a month or two went passed and the voice just got more powerful, started reasoning with me and interacting with me on a more intellectual level. At that point I was convinced it wasn’t what they said it was (which I didn’t believe anyways) and I started researching and talking it through with close friends. It wasn’t until my childhood “monster” I guess you could call it assaulted me in broad daylight that I realized it wasn’t all just in my head (my imagination), kinda happened all at once. That half a year was one of the biggest turning points of my life.
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The first time I was fully delusional I ended up being taken to a hospital by police; I was hospitalized for only three days, and I still fully believed my delusions when I was discharged. It was not until I got out and was confronted with reality, seeing firsthand that the things I believed to be true did not add up, that I realized the doctor at the hospital was right - it was all psychosis. I saw “bipolar with psychosis” (my dx is now sza bipolar type) upon discharge, and I refused to believe the psychosis part of it.
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Thank you everyone for replying. Hugs to you all for sharing your stories. 
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I often operate under the assumption that what I am thinking is true. I can get really mad like that. Then, with a little reality testing, I find out that I am mistaken, and the anger goes away. It’s a big relief.
I never had too much of an issue w/ my hallucinations. I’m lucky I’m the sense I can usually tell when I’m hallucinating (but it doesn’t make it less scary) unless I’m having an episode which happens rarely for me. I’d say the earliest scary hallucinations I had was of the head of a man who kept chasing me around and I would cry and sleep in my parents room. They didn’t believe me. Also the black hands that try to touch my back when I sleep, and the ghosts that live in the house. I would see figures and cats, I could feel them brush up against me and speak to me. Sometimes I will see a small man with a white face and black body called Todo who follows me around, waiting for me to not notice him. That would be most recent I think. But I don’t really see them anymore, I spot them in the corner of my eye or feel their presence
I think it is luck based and that only the meds can help (if you are lucky and you get them early).
One of the worst things schizophrenia can do is to make you hallucinate things that confirm your delusions and this is the real and complete break with reality. 
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On a waiting list for CBTMy medication just puts a stop to most things like cameras in my house. Don’t know why is all I can say.
For the rest the question is more like this to me. When did I become aware of being aware ?
I’ve always been aware. I’m very sensitive to my surroundings. I’m a very sensitive person. I pick up on things. I told my psychiatrist this. So yes I became aware of my awareness. Does this make sense. I don’t think it made any sense to her st all.
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I’ve always been aware I needed help. I started having sz symptoms about ten years ago. I knew I needed help but had no idea I was having hallucinations and delusions. A few years ago I did realize some of what i experience isn’t real. There’s still a lot I don’t know about.
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