is it possible to be aware that these thoughts are delusions and not real at the onset of illness when you first have them?without meds. like having insight to the fact that you gone psychotic and having false beliefs
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Yes it is. It just takes time. 
Taking meds will help give you insight to your delusions!! For me the delusions were so believable when I first experienced them that I ended up getting arrested the same day and spent the summer in 2 psych wards. I was off meds but since then mostly I’ve been on meds. And I’ve learned that…well if I act up like that I get arrested and I guess I had to learn the hard way in that sense. Since then I’ve been in psych wards but not arrested.
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i mean at first without meds
I was in two hospitals within three months when I was 14 for symptom onset when I was 13, and I was diagnosed with psychotic depression, but I refused to believe that I was psychotic, and so did everyone around me, so I sort of ebbed and flowed and stumbled my way through high school for 4½ years until I was 18 and almost completely broke (that was in December 2017) and was living in an ever-evolving delusion. I was hospitalized 3 times in 2018, and was stabilized in December 2018, and this year, I’ve had a few close calls, but I’ve managed to stay out of the hospital. In the beginning, I had enough insight to know that something was wrong, which is why I didn’t consider myself psychotic, but my life would’ve been so much easier if I had just listened to my doctor in the beginning and taken my meds. I don’t know for sure if you’re psychotic or not, but please seek help now. You need to tell your dad what’s going on so you can get treatment.
In my case delusions slowly crept in until I lost touch with reality. I won’t go into details. But it took a heavy round of AP and around two weeks for me to regain insight and accept that I had been psychotic.
Meds are crucial if you are really psychotic.
One of The brightest of schizophrenic minds wasted many decades not taking meds before he finally recovered in John Nash. In the beginning he was worse off. You don’t wanna waste time psychotic off meds. The quicker you get on meds in the beginning the higher the likelihood one day you can get off.
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