What’s the problem with me to not find a GF?i really feel it is psychosis and anxiety,sometimes mood problem cause me never had a GF,but anyone else got other reason?
It’s hard to meet people when you’re beyond college-age.
go to a bar trust me you will find someone there a lot of women out there even if its only for a night
I used to think there was something wrong with me too. Before sz I had relationships that lasted a long time, like 4 yrs or so. Afterwards, I didn’t stay with anyone for longer than a month. But now I’m in a relationship and hoping to make it a long lasting one. The same went for jobs. I could hold down a job for a long time before sz and afterward I usually can’t make it to the 1 year mark. I don’t know if it’s the illness or just circumstances though. I agree it’s hard to meet people when your older, but hang out with friends and ask them to bring their friends over. The more people you are exposed to the better your chances of finding someone.
I think I have the same problem; I feel the need of love, affection and sex. However, in my case, my residual schizophrenia has limitation which don´t let me to do things that I desire; one of these is to have girlfriend. In my country, men must have initiative (I am shy), men must pay bills in restaurants, cinemas, theatres, etc. (I don´t have money because I don’t have a job), This is for our culture.
I try to find alternative women, for example: divorced women.
It is true, I suffer when I see on street beautiful women who I suppose they are of my same age.
This illness is very serious and disabled.
Getting involved in a relationship is a lot of hard work and stress. Sure I daydream many times, picturing myself with the perfect woman, in a perfect relationship, where there is no conflict and everything is dandy. The reality of it is that there are no perfect relationships or person for that matter. The truth is that many times relationships mean a lot of stress and headaches for schizophrenics. If I were you I would focus on casual hook ups and friendships and see where this takes you - I thought I met the perfect dream girl, I got married to her and ended up in an abusive relationship then a destabilizing divorce - My romantic idealizations have been shattered ever since my failed marriage. What a reality test
NOOOO, that’s the worst place!
Pray, have faith, be yourself, be honest. Something will work out.
Also, people try too hard. People think they have to go about things in the “normal” fashion of “dating” and using some sort of pick up line. I’ve seen people literally put on a show, not even being themselves in order to impress someone they want to get together with.
I can name some places I met people, and not meeting as in asking them out. just connected became friends and some became gF or wife, others remained friends. Church, an alien abduction forum, work, a mental hospital,
Not dating sites, not going to bars (And i used to go to bars a lot when i was 18 - 21), not asking someone out.
And be honest about any psychosis, Sz, any of that stuff…
I’m not past college, but I think @CarolineC is right. It makes sense that it would be hard to find someone in the real world. It’s usually bad to date coworkers from what I hear.
I know I’m past sounding like a broken record. I AM a broken record.
Everyone where I live seems desperate for a relationship. College is the best place to meet people. It’s still going to be hard if you don’t have a job… but I just think you haven’t found your niche yet. Think about it, there is an entire world of artistic pursuits that you could do even if you are too sick to work. Painting (including drawing. It seems just because you are good at one doesn’t mean you are or aren’t good at the other), writing (poetry seems to be more about careful thought than passion these days), ceramics, music (anything from cello to guitar), graphic design is a REALLY good one. Not really for attracting girls, but for getting a job. I knew a guy who got graphic design work while he was still in college. He didn’t have to go to an office and could work on his own schedule.
Most importantly, find a group of people to hang out with. People that you just simply like and identify with. Inevitably one of this will have a sister or another friend that they will invite to come hang out with them.
This is the most important part:
DON’T be a yes man. I knew this one guy who seemed like a pretty good guy. I was with C (also I wasn’t really attracted to him at all. For one thing he was really pushy. He came over and tried to start a conversation while I was reading even after I made it plain that I genuinely just wanted to read.) but I was keeping an eye out for single friends to introduce him too. Before I learned he was a huge judgmental moron, I saw him playing “yes man” to a girl in our class work group. He was basically agreeing with everything she was saying, hoping that she would like him. It really disgusted me. She really just used it to garner support for her ideas and over rule me. Nothing about that attracted her. No more keeping an eye out for girls to introduce to him! Just be yourself. I know that sounds stupid, but the real you is going to come out sooner or later. Oh, and don’t always be available. Don’t ignore her or anything, but if you have something important to do, do it. Having someone fawning over you is kinda hard to take.
And don’t worry. I’m sure when more girls meet you there will be at least a couple who are interested. There is a whole subgroup of girls out there that like nothing more than a “wounded puppy”.
Ugh man I ask girls for their phone numbers and ■■■■ and sometimes they cancel or dont respond, sometimes they do date me but only for a month or so, sometimes I find screw buddies, but I really just want someone who has their ■■■■ together.
Im seeing my ex for a coffee date tomorrow. It should be nice, she and I got along pretty well and then I got really psychotic and wouldnt make physical contact with her. Now she knows I am recovered and doing well, she actually contacted me a while back apologizing for our breakup but I took the blame for me being nuts and well now were gonna meet again tomorrow for the first time in two years.
LOL I’ve been to crazy town, was the drunk mayor and resigned to live in medsville, a much drowsier and sedated town where you need to drink preworkouts to even think about staying awake much less lifting 500 lbs (I partial deadlifted 505 three times today! It’s like a deadlift from a rack, so like half a deadlift, my normal deadlift is 470)
A lot of competition in bars. My dad frequented bars all his life; starting in the 1950’s. He says from experience that people in bars play every game in the book. He was good with women, he had many girlfriends, but he says in 50 years he only got ONE one-night stand from a girl in a bar. And he was not particularly handsome but he made up for it with charm.
Schizophrenia has been socially disabling for me. Not completely.
Thank you,at least I felt comfort after reading what you said…but I am probably a yes man,will try to change this though…I am currently down on confidence because my meds was not working 2 weeks back for 2 weeks…now it’s ok,I am really feeling insecure mentally
I was 44 when I was in college and newly married that year. But in one class this girl liked me, would put her head on my shoulder too, lean against me…stuff like that…“Awkward” - but nothing happened because I don’t cheat. Had I been single though we might have hooked up.
Woof,what a chance,haha,:-p
I don’t mean like that! I think the phrase you are looking for is “people pleaser”. A lot of people are people pleasers and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing all the time. You should want to please the person you are with. What I am talking about is something akin to just trying to say the right thing to get what you want out of someone whether it is a relationship, sex, or just a phone number. But in a kinda spineless begging way.
I think one of the most important things is networking. You meet people. You become friends or at least acquaintances. They introduce you to more people, who introduce you to more people. Even girls in relationships are good to meet (don’t be a home wreaker though!) but a girl in a relationship will probably have some single friends. There is nothing that most girls like better than playing match maker.
But one of the first things you ALWAYS want to do is look at her left hand. If she has a ring on her fourth finger, don’t flirt. She is already in love (hopefully) and all you are going to do is piss her off. Or she might be like me, oblivious, and not realize you are flirting. Then you might get some feelings you will regret when she realizes what is going on.
I have no friends or girlfriend cuz i’m a social dolt and can’t even conversate very well. I also am on disability and am poor and barely can treat myself, much less a girlfriend or family. I’m stuck in the loners life of self pity.
Girls are picky, they can afford to be. They know lots of men desire them. For a start, dress nicely, be clean, and be friendly.